So okay....

I have been missing from Blogsville afterall. :

Bloggers Syndrome is catching up with me I'm afraid. There just doesn't seem to be anything really INTERESTING to write about in the moment.

I could waffle on for hours about Secondlife.com where I currently spend most of my free hours *blush* However, that is likely to bore you to tears really unless you're into the whole concept of strangely attired (let alone strangely behaved) avatars running about in a jerky, staccato fashion in virtual shopping malls where the walls are a pixel wide and both solid and penetrable all at the same time.

Still, the subjects that could be worthy to muse upon fade quickly from my mind almost as soon as I decide that they'd be good to blog about.

So anyway, perhaps its time to change blogging focus. Maybe I need to just TALK about any old stuff instead of trying too hard to come up with something that I, so arrogantly, deem as Intelligent Blogging Material (no IBM jokes please *snort*). There's only so much one can say about soulmates and Pah!

My mate (for my non-aussie readers, that's an Aussie colloquial term for friend/buddy/pal), Martin celebrated his 37th birthday this past week. Happy Birthday Martin :) I've yet to try Martini but I reckon I might this weekend just to see what its like. I'll make a belated birthday toast to you if I do :)

And I have been feeling decidedly GUILTY this past week too. I have all these lovely online girlfriends from years and years ago from a Aussie mum's forum I used to frequent. I loved those girls to bits!

Still do really. Thing is we've all gotten terribly busy with older kids now and we hardly ever get in touch anymore. Despite that wonderful thing called email... do I ever really use it to just WRITE to people I love/have loved? Not that much actually. So I have decided that I'll write the girls an email this weekend to just let them know I've been thinking of them and send them my love and good wishes their way.

I have lots of friendships with women that are like this when I think about it. Deep and lasting friendships but sporadic and intermissive (is there such a word?). I mean I can catch up with these women and pick up conversations where they left off last time rarely being stuck for words or wondering what to say because of the distance thus far. There are however, sometimes significant gaps of time in between those conversations where I think about them often but rarely make the effort to maintain the energetic to-and-fro of the original consistent friendship.

Maybe I'm just too selfish of my time. I do love my freedom but my friends are also vitally important to me too and I hold each and everyone of them dear to my heart; even if we don't get to spend hours deep in conversation like we used to.

So yeah. I don't have much other than the mundane to write about at the moment. The intention is now to make blogging less focussed on the heavy material and just let it flow as it so chooses. It seems that the Bloggers Syndrome symptom of TRYING TO BE RELEVANT has caught up with me too. Not that I think I ever really was relevant in here though.

Okay... enough now! :) and yeah I know I talk too much... Martin tells me that often so I know :)

I have a second life...

Things are getting hectic.

I haven't actually abandoned my old loves such as this blog. :)

But it seems that writing is taking a back seat somewhat to a new craze I have discovered. That of the Virtual World.

It's entertaining, somewhat addictive for the moment and really, really relaxing after a very busy day with work and family duties. Beats the TV hands down really for entertainment in the evenings :)

Thanks to the indomitable Vlad Spears for pointing this whole new world out. :)

I guess I'll see you when I'm over having fun flying over the terrain and finding places to explore. I'll be back writing soon enough but I shall have to chalk this next period of time up to Experiential Learning ;) Always handy for a writer that stuff! Haha!

(ps ... I might be back writing sooner than you think actually. This whole RL/SL dichotomy is oozing with blog fodder on which to muse. Stay tuned)

Simon's hit some trigger happy nerves out there...

Poor Simon! :) He's gone and jumped, both feet, into one of the sacred cows of the "civilised" world. And he's not only done it once but twice within a matter of days.

After the horrible slaughter of people this past week in the USA, the debate is raging yet again about Gun Control.

It seems that the issue rates barely a mention in any country where they HAVE gun control whereas for the United States...certain groups are very vocal indeedy about their guns and their "right" to own them and use them how they see fit.

Saying that perhaps smacks of being really "Anti-American". I guess in this one instance I am a little.

I do NOT understand the American passion for gun ownership! I never have and I probably never will. To me it is blind selfishness and total paranoia. I realise the history of this goes waaaay back for the American people. It still doesn't make any sense to me.

I respect guns for sure. I was once in the Australian Army Reserves and have had a lot of experience with powerful rifles, sub-machine guns and the like. I do not like guns though. I find them distasteful devices that spell D.E.A.T.H. for any living thing they happen to be fired at. One can respect the power and the responsibility of owning and using a gun in say a sport like Clay-target shooting or where the farmer must destroy vermin who ravage his crops and livelihood, but owning one for any other reason than these is to me hypocritical. Of course being in any legitmate Defence Organisation like the Military is a no-brainer...war is ugly but it will always be with us unfortunately. Guns are married to that whole war thing naturally and intrinsically. I won't argue that point anymore here.

Of what PURPOSE could having a gun in ones home for "self-defence" serve? To me, it breeds mistrust and what you believe you will eventually reap.

If you believe there are people "out to get you" and that your family is only "safe" if you have your gun "by your side" ... then the liklihood is that that is exactly the culture you will breed around you. Mistrust breeds mistrust and blood spills yet more blood - be it animal or human.

I'm sorry.

This is probably the most vocal on any subject I've ever been here before. I do not wish to offend my American readers. I hope and pray that the ones who do bother to read this blog are also saddened and at a loss as to why their beautiful country has become so awash with such a mentality and sheer passion for gun ownership.

It's spiralling ever futher out of control from my perspective too. The more passionately fearful and paranoid people become in their homes and communities, the more likely it seems that the death toll and injury rate increases through the use of firearms. Safety? Of what use is safety if the very culture itself is fraught with such fear in the first place?

As for those who are beligerent about their right to bear arms, then please note that here in my country it would be an offence for me to do so and I also follow the "rules" of my constitution. There can be no gain in trying to convince me that the right to own a gun is justifiable until you prove you/they are in the Military, or the member of a clay-target shooting club or are a farmer protecting your country's food supply. All other reasons will have no truck with me.

Poor Simon. He has had to field a lot of comments this past week for his vocal dislike of lax gun laws. It may be a matter of personal perspective...then again it also might be the voice of a moderate calling for some sense in a sea of insanity.

Religion, Politics and Guns seem to bring out the polarity in all of us. We are either for or against and never the twain shall meet. It's hard to sit on the fence with any of these topics and it is kind of sad really that consensus will never actually exist because one side is either right or very, very, wrong anyway.

Rhythms or Routines

The other day I posted about my work day having a kind of gentle rhythm to it which flowed well like Jimi Hendrix playing...fluid, loose and oh so cool on the guitar.

Perhaps it would be good to explore further this concept of Rhythm and Routine.

I have routines. A routine in the strictest sense of the word is a regular but fixed set of processes that achieve a goal. I do all sorts of things that might be considered routines.

However, I balk at anything being static in my life. I don't like feeling trapped or being stagnated by my own routines!

So I've watched myself "doing" my routines and have found they aren't really routines so much as Rhythms. A rhythm is more flexible and fluid in its expression. I may do my usual daily activities out of sync but they still get done all the same to my own inner rhythm.

There is something freeing about set routines becoming rhythms. I get more done when a task or an activity is based on rhythm rather than dogmatic routine. There is a kind of ebb and flow to rhythm that is absent from mere routine. Mere routine is mundane and mindless, a kind of "You Must Do This, THIS way, All the Freaking Time" thing. I hate that! I will not be told what I must do by anyone - least of all by my own dogmatic consciousness! :)

But when those dogged, rigid routines flow like the gentle rhythm of the tide in an ocean; when they move, change, morph, and transmogrify; when they define by loose and flexible "might do" attitudes - then that appeals to me and I will follow when and if I feel like it.

Its like a flowing dance of choice with ones "stuff to do" rather than a mantra that must be recited daily in precise and contingent order.

So I have Rhythms to my day even though to you they might look like mere routines :)

How you live your life - even in the details - is always your choice.

gentle rhythms...

well! actually they are probably not so gentle really! :)

I'm listening to Jimi Hendrix "Band of Gypsys" in the car right now.

This one album - to which I have come VERY late in life it seems :) - combines nearly all my favourite genres of music in one strange and magical mix of rhythm, blues, jazz, fusion, soul, funk and pure rock.

The more I listen to it the more I can hear in it the bands I "usually" listen to. Obviously this particular Jimi Hendrix classic inspired a legion of future music icons.

I just like its groove. It is absolutely the coolest music to play in the car! :) And the fact that I am considered pretty "cool" for my music tastes, by my teenage son's mates, is a bonus I might add *wink* :)

Playing it on the drive home from work today felt completely right for the way my day transpired; with the steady rhythm of daily routines played out fluidly, a kind of gentle flow to my working day. They came with a dash of the unexpected thrown in to make them refreshing and "different" from the norm. That unexpected stuff worked with the routines today and didn't seem to throw me like they might have six months ago.

It seems that sometimes, work can be played at like Jimi played his guitar. Of course, there are times when I find work very hard and my heart and soul are not in it at all. The routines become like battles to be fought and won. There are - thank goodness - days like today too, when work flows from one process to the next in a groove that feels just right.

Jimi played his guitar like it was the easiest thing to do in the world. He made his guitar sing for him as an extention of himself. He brought his unique Gift and Genius to his guitar playing that made it stand out and shine among a plethora of other guitar players of his time.

Work can be like that if we let it. When we master the routines and they become less chores and more a kind of dance or a song, it becomes well...! Not really work I guess. There is a blending of both learning and natural Genius at work when one is at work like this.

Jimi had to learn his guitar! He had to practise at it. He got the basics down and from there he was able to build his repetoire into what I hear on this CD.

When we finally know the process instinctively...we can turn it into magic and add some sparkle to it so it isn't mundane anymore. That spark is our own natural gift blended in with the common knowledge of the work at hand and that combination of practical skill and individual Gift is what can make our work play like Jimi plays the guitar!

best laid plans..

Well! I had good intentions today.

I had this big list of things to do while my wee family went off to Melbourne to the footy.

Included in my lovely list of things to do was a big chunk of time devoted to writing! I didn't particulary care what I wrote really so long as it was something "Story-ish".

So what have I done?

Everything on that list BUT writing something "Story-ish" - and this blog post doesn't count in that equation.

So why didn't I spend my day of blissful solitude cosied up to this computer and cracking out some words?

I guess I am just not in that zone right now. Other tasks got done and I even spent a lot of down-time too doing recreational things - I just didn't really do any writing. It felt like procrastination too, like I didn't really want to put the effort into doing it. And yet... I love to write! I love being able to sit down here and churn out word after word that builds into some kind of coherent whole. It just felt like I "had to" today because I promised myself it was the perfect opportunity.

Because I applied that "Have to at all costs" label to doing some creative writing today, it suddenly lost its appeal. It became an expectation and perhaps like a performing seal, I couldn't get interested until I could smell the fishy rewards!

So moral of this story for me... whenever I think there is a good time coming to write, focus on the benefits at the end of writing rather than trying to build up the desire to begin writing. All else is just go with da flow :)

Leading from within.

My good friend Martin Spernau wondered if my recent thoughts on "Pah!" actually cast aspersions on those people who Lead From Within.

So okay! Before I explain further, what does it mean to Lead From Within?

There are people gifted at leadership. They exude a kind of wonderful charisma and if coupled with intelligence and wit can woo any number of persons to follow them along any number of paths. Of course there is leadership where the leaders are not actually gifted but have enough wealth and political power to be in leadership positions. Genuine leadership skills can be learned but there is that Born-to-lead X Factor in the best leaders.

We tend to think of Leadership as someone out front of the crowd; the outspoken, confident and knowledgeable guide to the path that lays ahead. All gifted leaders rally the troops, build morale, map out the course and focus the collective energy toward successful completion of the goal.

There is another kind of Leader who does these very things but is rarely known or seen by the masses. They are the gentle niche guardians of encouraging spirit, surreptitiously guiding and leading others - usually one-on-one or in small clusters rather than the whole collective - toward better things and places. They ARE leaders but they shun the glare of the public spotlight, preferring instead to wield their power in a more Behind-the-scenes kind of way. They support the main players and above all, encourage the whole team. They are empathic and generally sanguine and usually years ahead of their time in their attitudes and thinking.

Whereas popular leaders rely greatly on their support team in order to do their magic. Those who Lead From Within tend to bring their own magic! They seek not power nor glory, and sometimes are not that interested in fiscal rewards either although they do enjoy receiving acknowledgement for their unique contribution to the team effort.

Martin's query that those who Lead From Within might be indulging in "Pah!" highlighted my need to make another distinction between Arrogant Pride dressed up as Humility and unselfconscious serenity that doesn't need attention focused on it in order to feel better about itself!

Those who Lead From Within any group or organisation can and indeed do indulge in "Pah!"! We all do it at some point or another. Whenever we feel powerless and less than the sum of our being, we seek recognition and admiration in order to fill our psychological bellies with a sense of personal well-being. We want to be proud of ourselves as much as make others proud of us. Our human nature - our intelligence - has all sorts of tricks to get recognition and power. It's just a normal part of the human psyche really and nothing to be alarmed about. There are few human beings in this world who are never subject to a hurt pride!

But... Leading From Within is not necessarily "Pah!" itself! Those who LFW are generally more honest than that actually. It is confidence that is the difference between those who do "Pah!" as a matter of course and those who don't. "Pah!" is about puffing up the self, LFW is simply doing ones job to achieve the best outcomes for everyone.

LFW may appear to be just leadership with an "I'm so humble! Look at me!" label but if that be the case then the person isn't LFW. Effective leadership requires one to STOP thinking of the Self and focus outwards toward the OTHER, be it another person or the team.

It takes someone with basic innate confidence to accept their skills and apply them in context without seeking extra rewards or public recognition. Those who are LFW might want to be acknowledged for their skills but they don't necessarily believe its a right either. They just DO their job and bring along their particular magic to make that job sparkle and shine!

It can be hard to spot "Pah!" by the way! Some get very good at it to the point they even dupe themselves about it and never truly learn the basic truth about humility. Humility is unselfconscious confidence focused outside of the Ego. It is pride but not Pride! It seeks not to gain status for the Self but rather to support the egalitarian goals of the whole group. With "Pah!", the difference lies within the person and their attitude toward themselves and their job. What appears to be humility on the outside may in fact be "Pah!", then again it may not.

It's not a question of "dissing" anyone who maybe LFW and dumping them with this "Pah!" stuff! Martin is exceptional at LFW! :) Whether he believes he is indulging in "Pah!" is for his own introspection and not one for any of us to judge.

We can't know people's thoughts so accusing someone of "Pah!" could be very cruel. It's important that we allow people to express themselves in their own way. "Pah!" is a personal thing. We might notice it in some people and raise our eyebrows at them in judgement but in fact, "Pah!" is simply a cry for personal recognition; to be loved for who we are, as we come.

Yes it is true that "Pah!" is manipulative and dishonest and it is most certainly not true humility, however I believe it also true that it's a whole lot more common than people will admit. So before we pass judgement on anyone for indulging in "Pah!", first let's make sure we aren't looking for the same thing they are. :)

flies in the buttermilk...

Life is Good!

There are however some things I need to throw off my chest that are causing me some niggling angst.

1) I don't have time or inclination to write Stories right now. Ugh! It's getting me down. I long for that sweet zone where inclination and intention meet with Time Squared! To write stories that flow from my fingers and onto this screen with ease and sustained progress. Where time becomes a non-existent quantity, at once both slowing down and speeding up somewhere between the seconds and the hours. I think I was born to write... I just need SPACE across the spectrum of human identity; aka Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual (a goodly dose of Psi would be nice too :))

2) I have a sinus infection that is clinging to my physical body like a leech. It should be gone by now...after nearly 4 weeks of treating it via non-traditional means. Alas it seems that a trip to a "Modern" Medico is now required to bring out the big artillary in germ warfare! Yes! I am suspecting anti-biotics! *sigh* I so wanted to avoid that but I cannot tolerate the lethargy, the head-pain and the sheer fatigue anymore. I whine! So deal! I am GRUMPY!

3) I haven't done any exercise for two weeks! Oh well... maybe I have walked once or twice but nothing really that could be called "Exercise". I miss moving my body.

4) I absolutely and completely must learn to love doing the Bookkeeping! :) Repeat after me: "I love Quickbooks Pro! I LOVE Quickbooks Pro!" *sigh* I do! Really! I do!

5) I miss Coke. Drinking it silly not that other stuff! I'm trying to clean out my body with a detox diet of sorts so I can heal from the various ailments I am currently suffering (see above). It means no caffiene for 14 days minimum! I'll get used to it although right NOW I'd really like to have that taste in my mouth! Ahhhh! I can dream.

So there you go.

Weeny, tiny little gripes of no real consequence to anyone but me. Life IS good at the moment and I have a lot to be happy about and to be grateful for. A whinge is boring if its held inside a rigid world view of depressing anxiety. These wee flies in my buttermilk above... are just that ...wee flies. They too will pass. Sometimes just saying them makes me feel a whole lot better though too.

Time for Bed! Bliss! :)

Seeya!

To Gratitude and Beyond!

I'm feeling very grateful right now :)

It's the Easter season. The day before Good Friday actually, as I write.

Good Friday is.....well.... you either "get" Good Friday or you don't! Those who believe in Christ and know Him well totally get the whole concept around Good Friday. Those who don't know Him quite so well make an effort for tomorrow and that is a good thing too :)

Lots of people I know who barely see the inside of a worship centre will acknowledge in small ways, Christ's sacrifice on Good Friday.

Some do this by choosing to eat fish for their meals on the day. It's a nice notion although it surprises me to learn that many of those I've spoken to about it believe that this tradition was set in concrete in the Bible! It wasn't!

No where in the Bible is it decreed that one MUST eat fish on Good Friday. The eating of fish is a man-made tradition assigned as a mark of respect for Christ. There is no blood in fish so the tradition of eating non-blooded foods on Good Friday accentuates the impact of Christs blood shed on the cross. It is a fine tradtion but really meaningless if you don't understand the rest of Easter!

I don't mind eating fish on Good Friday but nor do I make it a religion either! If we decide to have a barbeque with lots of other kinds of meats then we do. My faith is about the function of belief not its forms! I have no tolerance for rituals that lose their meaning and become mere habits of religiosity. Faith is a dynamic relationship not a religious exercise of habits and rules!

I digress... :)

Gratitude for this season runs deep in me every year. I may not always go to worship on Good Friday (however, I am going tomorrow so far as I know :))... and I may not always observe all the strictures applied by mankind to the day.... but it IS a day of great personal meaning for me and I am humbled and awed by it every time.

I am, as a result, deeply grateful for the many other things in my life beyond the fact of Good Friday. I have an amazing family, a wonderful bunch of friends and all manner of comforts and needs met that right at this moment astound me.

Life is Good despite its sucky bits. I HAVE what I need for this time.

May you find such joy as this when you survey the blessings you have around you too :)

Have a safe and wonderful Easter Season.

Pah!

"Pah!"

...a phrase which is fabulously coined by the very smart and savvy EM Sky from a previous post I made recently.

The definition of "Pah!"?

Well as I alluded to in that post, it stands for Perverse Arrogant "Humility".

This is where someone acts like they're really very humble and meek etc but they are simply seeking to be the centre of attention and get lots of recognition and kudo's for being so "wonderfully" humble and meek etc.

Lots of people do "Pah!". Some a lot more than others of course but nevertheless there is the tendency of the human being to make themselves look good amongst their Peers wherever possible and if "Pah!" makes being the centre of attention work - then that's what people will do - act all sweetness and humble pie in order to get what they want... recognition and social standing.

It's Arrogant Superiority dressed to kill in low down-trodden heels really. It's the reverse of the Small Me Syndrome.

The SMS is sheer lack of self-confidence. "Pah!" is total arrogant confidence that one is at the Centre of the groups focus and concern.

People who do "Pah!" are adept at appearing to be self-less but their arrogant assumption that it is really they who control things... they just like to make it look like they don't so that everyone will fawn over them and boost their over-inflated Ego's even more with complimentary praise!

I confess to being an expert at "Pah!"

I have even pretended that it was true humility on occasion but often it is simply just fishing for compliments to back what I already know...that I have control of the group with the power I wield in being the "humble servant of all". I'm not proud of this of course.

I've always lacked confidence in my Self so to gain personal power I have used my "smallness" on occasion with ingratiating "humility" and politeness to climb the social ladder.

Now that I'm all "grown up" (some might beg to differ on that statement ;))... it's time to give up being childishly manipulative and be honest with my Self first and with others second. This blog itself could be classified borderline "Pah!"... it may seek to coerce people into thinking that I am so wonderfully and "refreshingly" honest and "humble" in expressing such sentiments about myself! yeah! That maybe quite true. I DO want to be congratulated for being so outstandingly "honest" for saying this stuff!

Stuff and nonsense! Who really cares? It's not wise to assume that everyone is remotely interested in everything I have to say and being all humble pie about my dirty psychological laundry won't change that fact.

True Humility isn't interested in control or recognition. It seeks to better the world for everyone, the demonstrator of that humility included. It is neither perverse and nor is it arrogant. True Humility loves people and the Self without looking to feather ones egocentric nest with compliments, praise, kudo's or gain of any kind. True Humility isn't smallness, or lack of confidence. In fact only the truely confident can ever be truly humble for their interest is not self-seeking in the first place.

Is sex controlled by women?

Been musing about this lately.

I've come to the tentative conclusion that women in partnered* heterosexual relationships seem to have right of way when it comes to determining just how much sex actually happens between them and their beloved.

I see sex as a form of communication.

I also believe it to be a dichotomous mix of selfish desires that demand attention as well as (hopefully) a selfless desire to bring joy and pleasure to another person. There's a fine balance to meeting these two seemingly opposing forces. There really isn't anything totally "unconditional" about sex, its too reciprocal and it's also just too easy to get the messages the act conveys all mixed up and miscontrued inside our heads.

Still, mankind has been fascinated by sex for millenia. The topic (not so much the act itself) travels between this figure 8-like pendulum of repression and then expression with each successive generation trying to figure out why and how the last one "got it all wrong".

Most people I speak to seem to think that sex and the sex act is very much instigated and initiated by men. Whilst this may be true I'm beginning to wonder if the longer the duration of relationship between a man and woman, the MORE likely it will be that it is the woman who controls when (and perhaps where) sex occurs.

I've spoken to many of my friends and co-workers about sex and hidden in amongst the dry wit and innuendo lies a darker thread of intriguing social conditioning. The girls refrain & sabotage when they're "not in the mood" and play coquette when they are... the men are often left bereft and bewildered. The standing joke among the men in my circle is "What is a man's idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging!"

Good relationships between loving partners* involves good sex. Good sex is a two-way street of giving and receiving with equality and compromise. Good sex is like a really good wine, it lubricates and adds flavour to what is a satisfying meal - in this case the relationship is the meal. Good sex is not meant to be a control thing; its meant to be a natural expression of love and commitment that brings romance, wonder, pleasure and the satisfaction of deep intimacy through the union.

Dang that's easy to write but oh so hard to actually do huh? Sex is so often misunderstood, misinterpreted, misconstrued, misrepresented, just...missed more often than not.

When women control too much of the sexual expression within a relationship, sex is actually reduced to that of a weapon. The question remains though. Do women really control sex? If men control the sex in a relationship is that construed as "rape"? Sheesh! I don't know!! What a scary thought!

It's really difficult to know for sure. You see sex for women is tied up with their whole world, emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. It's not a contained isolated thing that can be separated out from the rest of our lives. Sex for women is a 24/7 deal. It's about how we feel, how we think, how we think we look, how we are treated and the stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves and our partners inside our heads. Sex for women is nearly entirely centred inside the brain. When a man understands this and brings love, affection, respect and above all really good communication to his relationship with a woman - he's very likely to be getting lots of very good sex indeedy.

Where women feel used, abandoned, unloved, undesired, ugly, tired, or under appreciated, it is difficult to find interest or desire in sex after the bedroom door is closed. It becomes easy to feign all manner of 'inconveniences' to making sex a priority in the relationship when that happens.

So do you agree? Do women control sex or not? The jury is out.


[*Because I am so grossly unaware of what sex is like between gay and lesbian partners, I've chosen to limit this topic to heterosexual relationships.]

Goodbye Farewell Amen

Dick Richards is closing the public forum, The Genius Workshop.

It's a sad thing really but it has had its day it seems. Activity has been slow on the forum for quite some time now.

I had a moment of Perverse Arrogant "Humility" (Yes! there is such a thing - stay tuned :)) where I thought that perhaps it was "me" who had effectively alienated the wonderful people on the workshop with my loquacious and bubbling "Perspicacity" etc and shut down the group by default.

My intentions were always to help others but I do wonder if perhaps I "helped" to the point of being too talkative and opinionated.

Oh well! It is the way I tend to be in groups and I have always struggled with that balance between being subdued so others can have their say and being strong-minded and forceful in saying my bit. To say I tend toward the latter more often than not is an understatement *blush*.

The workshop has been a watershed for me in many ways. It has not only helped me to find the name of my own Genius, it has brought me new friends and subsequently a lot of personal growth.

Dick Richards is to be congratulated for being brave enough to offer such a public forum for those of us keen to find their inner Gift. Those who participated are to be congratulated for being brave enough to share their very personal journey's with such honesty and open-minded integrity.

The search to name ones Genius is a journey of intense personal interrogation and discovery. It can be painful and enlightening. It is however one of the most valuable personal growth exercises anyone can do.

Perhaps it - looking to find ones genius - seems like one giant self-interested, narcissistic wank to some, but in all seriousness, being conscious of how one IS in the world can make a big difference to how we can make the world a better place... for everyone.

Thanks Dick for letting me be a part of this project with you.

To everyone I spoke to via the workshop: May you find and name that special "Thing" within you that makes you wonderful and unique in the world. May it bring you much blessing and joy as you seek to exercise that Genius and your Purpose in life.

No regrets.

soul gaps

having believed in Christ since a very young child...it is really difficult for me to write about what it must be like to NOT believe in the Christian Gospel and in Christs Divinity etc.

I do think there is a "hole in the soul" of every living person (not sure about animals at this stage so am leaving them out of this equation until further info comes to hand ;)).

This "hole in the soul" is a God-shaped hole. It is the empty space that can ONLY be filled by something very difficult to describe in mere words. The hole in the soul cannot be filled by material gain, acceptance, ones talents or beauty; it can't be traded for spak-filler, glue, rubber flashing or anything stop-gappish in nature. The hole in the soul inside all of us requires something quite different to fill it.

Now for those who do not believe in God/Christ/the Gospel - there is an element of disatisfaction that I see in their lives that runs very deep. Many non-christians I know don't even realise they HAVE a hole inside deep within the secret recesses of their being. But I see it and it irks me that they try so hard to "fill" it with all manner of nonsense such as money and possessions etc.

Then there are those who say they're believers and yet the hole in their soul is GiNORMOUS! A total irony really! They have witnessed the most wonderous thing and have been given unreserved inclusion into the most incredible gift and yet.... there is still this big hole in their soul that is "missing" something very important in that recipe.

What is it?

What fills the hole in the soul?

What substance could possibly be available that would fill that gap of self-seeking compensation for lack thereof?

Quite fundamentally I believe it is Hope. My God is a God of Hope as well as Love beyond comprehension :)

Christ for me is my Hope. I can sense Love and I can have Faith but without Hope they're meaningless. Of what point is being a believer if I have no Hope in the Gospel being true? Of what point is my Faith if it does nothing but make me look quite foolish (and I know it can) if I don't have Hope that it will be worth it in the end? Of what point is gaining all this STUFF in my life - including beloved friends, family members, cats, dogs, acquisitions and personal growth if it does not add value to the Hope I have of being with Christ for Eternity.

Hope for me is the positive outpouring of an energy that brings unseeable rewards IN this moment and which I believe will last beyond the grave.

And even if there is reincarnation of the soul - I shall cling to the Hope I have in Christ that it is all going to be worth it. I don't really care right now if I come back as a crustacean because my hole is filled with the Hope that Christ will stand by his promises to me as a human being in THIS life-time! I AM and always will be HIS child and NOTHING will ever separate me from that fact.

All my weaknesses, all my flaws, all my faults, stupidities, acts of violence, abnormalities of mind and heart, my cringe-worthiness, my loves, my joys, my secret desires and dreams, my honesty, my dishonesty, my trust, and untrustworthiness: all of it counts as "something" worthy of consideration by God. It's not arrogance to think of myself like this... he assures me he loves me that much! What that gives me fills that god-shaped gap I have buried inside of me in ways I can only barely comprehend and gives me hope.

I'm grateful for that :)

Soulmating again

This theme is currently recurring for me and I still struggle with it.

I wrote this awhile ago and while I still believe a lot of what I wrote in that piece...the IDEA of there being one ideally matched person to your inner bean still intrigues and absorbs me with its potential.

What does it MEAN to BE a soulmate to someone?

It is my understanding thus far that there are a couple of things that constitute an accurate picture of a true soulmate partnership.

The definition of soulmate in this context would be that of your "other" half. The subtle resonant piece of "your true self" that has been thus far "missing" from your life. It would be the unique expression of a side of you that you understand implicitly and "know" instinctively...except that it resides in a completely different persona.

The idea is that when you connect with this other half of your soul - there is a vibrational charge of emotional, psychic, mental, and occasionally physical understanding of that other person.

They may not look anything like you. They may not even have the same tastes, the same likes and dislikes or the same background as yourself. However, there is a very strong and compelling connection between the two people that goes beyond mere "Best Buddies"; you just get each other without having to try. The relationship is entirely natural and instinctive.

You may not necessarily always understand each other on a surface level as in basic communication - aka language etc - but you very much understand each other at a much more fundamental and wholistic level.

One of the other key factors is that once you meet with your soulmate, it is difficult to be separate from that other. The desire to connect the two halves of the soul is strong and inevitable. This is not always sexual in nature however. There is every likelihood that the relationship is one of Teacher/Student, Muse/Creative, Elder/Youth in appearance. The intrinsic underlying depth of understanding and respect is what is most apparent.

Our Soulmate KNOWS us in ways no one else can truly know us. They may also drive us completely nuts with their own unique foibles and personality but at the same time we feel very much "at home" with them and need, enjoy and desire their companionship and company very much.

There is also the liklihood that your soulmate can cause you considerable pain, particularly emotionally. The pain is possibly bitter-sweet and perhaps unbearable, but the reasons for it may be part of a complicated lesson of life that you learn through this connection.

Soulmates are about the big picture of life; a purposeful journey together toward growth and maturity that can have massive repercussions for everything - and everyone - they encounter.

That famous line, "You complete me", in the movie "Jerry Macquire" became the catchphrase for soulmates everywhere, and in a way our soulmate - under this particular definition - does indeed "complete" us in ways beyond human comprehension and sometimes reason too.

The relationship is eternal, spiritual, instinctive, resonant, effective and charged with emotion, intuition and creative energy.

So if you do find such a soulmate then God speed to both of you as you travel your path together. It could be quite a ride :)

If you don't like it after the first bite... I'll give you your money back!

That's exactly what I tell new customers to our pie and pastry shop. I've been doing that for the past three years or so. It took a fair bit of courage to do it the first time but now I'm used to it and don't hesitate to offer our new clientele a money-back-guarantee on their take-away food purchase.

Basically I guarantee them that if they don't like their first couple of mouthfuls of one of our pies or pasties, then I will return them their money back no question!

Well... I "would" have questions such as what was it they didn't like about the product etc. That's just basic "How can we fix this?" stuff that kind of information.

But I've only had two customers return the uneaten portion and ask for their money back! That was two years ago! There was an issue with our water supply at the time and we solved it swiftly. The problem actually wasn't ours but we wore the cost - small as it proved to be to keep those customers happy.

I had a customer come in today and he asked if we had any Pizza Pies left and I said "Of course!" and as he handed over his money, he looked me in the eye and said "You gave me a guarantee last time that I would totally love this pie - and I did - so now I'm back for another one!"

And that money-back offer still stands! If he hadn't like it this time - I'd have given him his money back!

Most customers I say this to are absolutely blown away by a mere bakery offering them such a gurantee! But it sure makes them smile. You see its a win-win for all of us. The customer is reassured they're not going to be disappointed either way and I'm constantly reassured by the fact they always come back and tell me how much they enjoyed their pie. Its as if offering them the guarantee, guarantees I will get positive feedback everytime! It also tells me that our product is still among the best and yummiest available! :)

It's been good for business that line! Don't knock it! :)

Entschuldigen Sie, bitte. Sprechen Sie Englisch?

I'm getting serious now! The book and CD's arrived today :)

My Goddaughter, lives in Germany. She's only 2 but it's hard to talk to her because she doesn't yet know any English and I am far, far worse than her at German!

So even though "Ich verstehe ein bisschen Deutsch" ... I soooooo need to get better at it if I ever hope to communicate with her and her family effectively through the coming years.

Wünschen Sie mir Glück.

The inexorable "Yes"!

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matt 5:37 NIV

I'm still on about relationships! :) I probably always will be you know! Love and passion fascinate me. So does Romance! I enjoy pulling apart and re-constructing the nuances of how we, as human beings, operate and engage with each other socially.

So okay. A bible verse today huh? Yep! This does have a point - bear with me!

It's about how we communicate with our nearest and dearest; that what we say must match how we do.

We may say emphatically, and believe it to be true to our very core, demand we be given the benefit of the doubt when we say we love someone, that we adore them, that we shall support them in everything from here on in; but if that stuff isn't made clear in our being... then its not the Truth at all!

No one I believe wants an emphatic lie. A lie is an untruth that seeks to protect the egocentric Self from being made less than it wishes to be. A lie covers. It is deceitful and selfish. It is not about love or peace, hope or self-control! Its about manipulation and someone-else-control. A lie dishonours even when its meant to "not hurt anyones feelings".

Truth exposes and makes light fall in dark corners. It can be cruel but it is nonetheless the Truth. Truth is never relative. It just IS the Truth! Nothing can stand in the way of Truth. The truth is honest and it is compelling. The Truth makes things change. It can be uncompromising. Like the glare of the burning midday sun - the Truth makes known every shadow.

When we speak to those we love we need to remember this about Truth. It is obvious when there is Truth - when there isn't - there is fear, confusion, mixed messages, pain, hurt feelings and misunderstandings. There is no clarity or coherence here - just a jumbled mix of selves striving for recognition amidst the noise of empty words.

What we say to our loved ones must be borne out in our bodies - in our shape and persona - the truth of our words.

A lie can slide off the tongue like silk. We can detect lies with machines now because our body never lies. Our muscles, our matter, our being in this corporeal world is solid, immutable, inexorable Truth! We lie and our bodies defy it in tightened muscles, drawn in breaths, beads of sweat, blushes and rapid eye flickers! Our bodies can never lie (unless rigorously trained to be in agreement with the lie!)

What we say to our loved ones needs to match our actions. In order for them to trust us, the words that slip out of our mouths so easily, must bear the fruit of honesty, integrity and the resounding YES of Truth. To move our relationships forward, to progress and grow together in unity and potential harmony, the foundation of trust and love are built on our Yes being made a real Yes in the very fabric of our beings and our No being equally a real No!

It isn't about being positive or namby-pamby sugar and spice, this stuff; it's about having integrity and being consistent - coherent even - that our words have real meaning because they're backed up by our real action!

Be who and what you are by all means...and remember that what you ARE often speaks louder than what you merely say.

At the heart of it, there lies control

Self-absorption is an obvious general theme to this blog but you know...I don't always write this stuff for any readers I might have - although having readers is a really nice thing of course - sometimes I just write for me. It's my way of clarifying the thoughts I have had inside my head and morphing them into some kind of coherent form.

So with that preamble, you may now guess that the following is über introspective and very personal so if it bores you to hear people ranting and raving about their own stuff... leave now :)

The current journey on this path called the Evolving Emancipation of Michelle revealed another astonishing personal insight into my character today.

Relationships are strange beasts. They sneak up on you and take you by surprise and sometimes they suck and sometimes they sing.

We all of us want our relationships to sing sweetly all the time huh? I do!

I don't like conflict or noisome and unwinnable argumentative stuff in my relationships...and yet I seem to attract it! I'm a sucker for the hyper-dramatic scene I guess!

Most of my life has been a finely honed balance between twin desires. One is freedom: I am independant and stubborn and I do not like being told what to do or how to be! I'm not wilful, but I am quietly obstinate until I choose to change my mind. I like my own space! Having grown up in many different living environments that included strangers - not just family - I've learned how to get along with people! It has also encouraged a deep abiding NEED within me to have my own spaces. In my head, in my heart, in my body, in my world - I crave the freedom of solitude a lot.

The second is closeness. I long for very close, intimate and stable relationships that can weather all manner of emotional storms. I yearn for the kind of intimacy that doesn't necessarily involve sex, but is about the cojoined union of hearts and minds - a kind of coherence of soul bounded by strong loyalty and committment on the scale of a million lifetimes.

I rarely sustain that kind of closeness for I hardly ever allow myself to get "that" close to anyone even though I might want it so badly! And if I do get that close to someone...the relationship tends to dissolve over time due to the intensity of it. It quite literally burns itself out. I do it deliberately. Self-protection is a symptom of lack of confidence apparently. Besides, there are not many human-beings in this world who can tolerate this dichotomy in me for very long. It takes an individual with the patience of Job and a will of iron to live with and love Michelle! :)

I also don't get too close to most people because of that first one - the freedom one! The two are, to all intents and purposes, mutually exclusive. How can one be free AND close at the same time? How can one be close to another and yet feel like they're not being slowly suffocated by that?

So... here's the thing! I control.

I control where I never ever believed or knew that I was controlling!

The balancing act of achieving the kind of closeness with another person I crave and desire as opposed to my strong need to be completely unshackled by the constraints of that kind of partnership is a tough gig! It's no wonder I can seem so confused and vascillating at times.

Maybe all humans self-protect via their emotional sources. I am not qualified to say if that is or isn't so. But I do know I do.

And I do it by being a little aloof in some relationships - where I do not have a vested interest in the closeness aspect. Alternatively, I am more than a little intense in some relationships - where I do not have quite so high an interest in the freedom aspect or it is already a given.

I was always attracted to the unavailable (until I met my beloved husband) and now I can see why. The unavailable gives me an "out" (freedom) but it also consistently feeds that urgent desire inside of me for closeness and intimacy too.

And so I control my relationships to achieve both results - not only confusing those around me but myself above all! It seems I am rarely clear on what I want from my relationships and this has to change! I may do what I do instinctively, but perhaps its time now to Question my Beliefs on this stuff and grow wings of EITHER Independance OR Closeness.

Can I make this a choice? Don't know! The habits of a life-time of living and relating with other people will be/are tough to break - I don't even know if I really want to yet. It's scary to think that I may have to choose between one or the other in opposition to what I would naturally desire to do. It may not even be a wise thing to do. Perhaps I just need to BE as I am - as I always was - but let this new insight into my character develop its own verisimilitude.

I do know that I might need to let go of the control and that could be the hardest thing of all.

I never thought in a million years...

that I would be very seriously considering getting a macbook for my first laptop!

I'm still in "shopping" mode just for the moment but this is the best part of any new venture really...shopping around and getting to know your product before you commit.

It's a bit like a romantic relationship really...between ones computer and ones self.

You kind of check each other out.
You "meet".
You decide if you like each other.
You get obsessive with each other and can't bear to be parted.
You feel a little bereft and lost when apart.
You settle into the comfortable rhythm that comes from intimate knowlege and trust in each other.

"My" Macbook is out there waiting patiently for me to make the leap of faith I need to change from being a PC girl from way back to being a Macbook carrying type (is there a type?). Will it be my "knight in shining armour"? I have no idea! I do hope though that it will be a faithful workhorse and give me many years of sturdy and reliable service.

A computer is not just a "tool" anymore in my view. A computer - particularly one that has high speed internet access - is perhaps now pretty much an extention of ones own identity. It literally becomes a kind of second "Self", not entirely separate - but sometimes very different - from the Self you believe you are and/or present yourself to be in the Real World. This box of light and wires is an ad hoc addendum of The Mind!

I shall blame Spernau though if it - this new love-affair - all goes pear-shaped! hehehe (I won't really Martin! I promise! :)). He's so Mac now he goes just a weeny bit nuts if he has to work with 'that other brand'! *wink* But he has pretty much convinced me now that its a good plan to switch camps. At the very least - I can always bribe him for tech support! Huh? :)

In truth, my sudden leap to this change of platform is because I am quite frankly "tired" of the hoopla that surrounds a lot of the "new" stuff from the PC camp. The newest operating system now available in PC's and laptops by Microsoft is going to be just as big a learning curve as OS X "Tiger" so its not a stretch really now to make the switch. :)

It's all very exciting though. My dad will laugh his head off - seeing as I will need to eat humble pie and concede defeat when I was so adamant he was "wrong" to get himself an Apple Mac for his very first computer a couple of years ago! *sigh* Live and learn huh?

So anyway. There are some things that need to happen first before "my" Macbook is curled up in my arms. First and foremost is getting a secure WLAN set up here at home.

When one has teenagers in the house... getting uninterrupted time on broadband internet is a scarce thing unless you happen to get up with the birds, like I do for this very reason. But, I DO need to access the net regularly for various work and leisure pursuits and I WOULD like to do that without having "Are you done yet Mum?" in my ears every minute or so!

So yeah! This is a fun new project and I'm looking forward to the possibilities that present. At some point this coming year, this blog just might be written on a MAC! Wow! Who'd have thought that?

Oh to be confident and content within!

I learned another lesson in relationships today.

Unexpectedly as usually is the way with these things.

It occurred to me as I swept the flour off the dough-break machine at the shop that part of the "problem" with most partnered relationships is that women...I am one you know, so I sort have an insiders view on this more or less...have this incredible drive for attachment to their chosen mate.

I had written some time ago about the difference between belonging and ownership in relationships and that I believe is still more or less true for me. There is this new dimension though that surfaced today that really struck me as to why we struggle so much in our relationship with our beloved partners.

I tend to believe that men are biologically not monogamous by nature. I think men (and perhaps some women too maybe although the reasons maybe slightly different) struggle with commitment and fidelity over the course of their lives, and particularly attachment because of a biological "need" to spread their genes as far and as widely as possible. This may sound like I reduce the male of our human species to a mere animal... I guess that might be true; it is a lot more complicated than that of course. It is rare to find the emotional/spiritual dimension in the animal world so there is that to add to this human mix too.

Men are quite capable of giving themselves completely and totally to a beloved partner! There is no question here that men can't be committed and compassionately dedicated life-long lovers of one partner. However, I do believe that this is entirely the result of cultural and social conditioning rather than anything anthropological. (gosh! I can hear all the christians screaming "Heretic!" from here! *shudder*).

Women, on the other hand, I believe, are very much wired to be deeply attached to their chosen mate. We do that for the survival of our young. A secure mother is a mother who is able to nurture her children freely without duress and hardship ensuring those children survive to adulthood.

The difficulties between these two primary forces is that women tend to learn strategies early to "trap" men into being attached to them in order to achieve that security. We learn to manipulate, connive, convince, persue and cajol our intended life-partners through usually emotional methods so they cohere to us, (and us alone). Consequently, we cannot trust these relationships. I think we tend not to trust love when it comes to us and feel a deep sense of personal insecurity in our relationships because we cannot believe we are loved for ourselves. We assume instinctively that the love shown toward us is not genuine - that it has been co-erced.

When love is co-erced it is a poor substitute for security and contentment in relationship. When a woman manipulates a man through her emotions and actions, how can she trust that he truly loves her? We cannot build a secure foundation of love when we build on the sandy soil of coercion.

Being committed to our partner does not mean that we demand love or commitment to be given to us! Instead, we offer love and commitment of our own free will to them. We must learn to love our beloved in a way that does not seek to entrap or ensnare them through manipulative means; we need a deep personal sense of CONTENTMENT within ourselves in order to love another exactly as they are IN THIS MOMENT.

This requires a concious choice to be content with ourselves first and foremost. When women learn to be content with themselves and accept their life, their body, their spirit, their intelligence, their worth and their situation as it is, they then will find the confidence to trust they are loved and lovable and do not NEED to find emotional security from any other source (God notwithstanding of course - but he's different to most blokes :)).

When we do not seek our innate need for emotional and physical security by manipulating men (or other women for that matter) to commit to us, we suddenly - and perhaps ironically, become more attractive to men and more likely to win their trust and commitment. In other words, when men do not feel smothered or trapped by a relationship with a woman; when they feel free - they tend to settle down and enjoy loving that woman for a good long time.

So now I'm on a very deeply personal journey of self-discovery. I'm learning how to be content within and that is harder to do than to write. It looks so simple on the screen but in actual fact it's hard for me - as a woman - to be content. I always want proof! I want more! I want to know! I want to believe but cannot, deep in my heart of hearts, that I am loved just as I am for me!

You see, I think I never really learned inner confidence from the beginning of my life, that I am lovable without having to use my physique or my emotional gaming skills. A lot of that is part my anthropological heritage, part my upbringing too.

However, a big part of it is also my spiritual longing to BELONG to someone and TRUST that they do actually love me.

To be totally confident that you can be loved completely, just as you are, is a treasure of immeasurable value.

I want that kind of confidence.

and for my birthday I got a comet...

I have just seen The McNaught Comet.

It's clearly visible in the SW corner of my darkening sky here.

The sun has set but the residual light is still glowing with a feeble blue in the west and just above that is a clear view of the comet with its long and pretty "tail".

It's not everyone who can boast of getting a comet on their birthday huh?

One of my more unique birthday presents I think :)

Happy Birthday to me!

January 22nd 1962 at approximately 11pm was an auspicious day!

Yep!

You got me!

I just scraped in for the Chinese year of the Ox (but personally, I feel I'm more a tiger than an ox you know...)

*giggle*

so anyway...I share January 22nd with my Aunty Wendy... my Dad's sister who was 12 the day I was born.

I am also expecting a new cousin to be born today or tomorrow (of course I am hoping for today...the 22nd! :))

Francis Bacon, Lord Byron, and Jon Hurt also are January 22nd babies. As was the late Micheal Hutchence of INXS fame (or infamy if you like).

In fact I'm amazed at the plethora of fine actors and writers who share this date with me. Both skills are dear to my own heart.

I "might" have been an actor if I had have had the confidence and resources to become so. Back in the late 70's & 80's, my conservative family did not consider acting a career so it just wasn't on my radar. I was/am good at it though, when I get the practise :)

So writing it has been for most of my life! :) Which isn't so bad I guess.

Oh...and I don't really want to be famous you know! It's a nice thought in theory but the reality of fame/infamy is that you lose so much of your SELF to the mass market and I would soooo hate that! I am fiercely independant and will not be beholden to anyone if I choose not to be! That includes adoring fans...if I had any! hahahaha! *wink*

The best birthday presents are the ones you least expect from the people you love the most. I don't really "expect" any presents this year for my 45th birthday but each time a dear friend or relative acknowledges me with a card or breaks out into a "Happy Birthday" song....I'm gratified and that is enough :)

Hey!...I'm halfway to 90! Whoo hooo! Bring on the next 45!

dream beyond boxes

Linear thinking is a common human strategy of applying a logical set of time-honoured principles in a certain way so as to get results we expect should meet our criteria for success.

Step A should precede step B before Step C in order to Achieve Goal Z etc. etc.

This strategy works. It has worked more or less effectively for many thousands of years of human endeavour.

I'm not so sure it will work very efficiently in the future though.

You see, the burgeoning amounts of data and information we human beings are being exposed to on a daily basis now far exceeds our evolutionary ability to keep up with it! We just have not adapted sufficiently and quickly enough to maintain the scope and detail of dealing with this information. Our choices are limited to our current evolved capacity to deal with information as we have done for hundreds - perhaps millions - of years!

Human beings are smart! There is no doubt about that! I think even Einstein, if he were alive today, would be blown away by what wee children are able to do with the tools created as a result of his theories :) We adapt very, very quickly to all manner of situations and circumstances! It's the killer app of the Human Being! Adaptability!

But the test is coming now as to how adaptable we can remain to the incredible pace of technology and scientific discovery.

I envisage two things happening which may or may not occur...but nevermind.. conjecture can be fun... so bear with me... :)

1) Human beings will shut down their circle of intimate contacts - both personal and material - to a very private and consolidated few in the real world. We will literally peel away as much of the extraneous contact we must have on a day to day basis, with the world at large, in order to protect ourselves from sheer sensory overload. Privacy will be an even greater issue for many RL activities.

2) Human beings will open up their circle of intimate contacts - both personal and material - to a somewhat private but imaginary and vast virtual landscape in the cyber world. We will literally change many of our habits and behaviours as we make contact on a day to day basis with the cyber world at large, in order to assert our individual identities and also find Tribes of like-minded identities with which we can freely engage.

The issues of Privacy online are quite different from those in RL. The interface of the computer screen affords a natural level of privacy in and of itself. This is why self-disclosure is so high on the internet, as there is no other way for people to get to know each other except through the process of textual (and sometimes voIP/webcam) conversation.

so okay.. what does this have to do with linear thinking!

The way we UNDERSTAND and DEAL with these new types of dichotomies within relationship will require fundamental changes in our thinking.

Moral ethics will need to be handled very very differently from the norms we have accepted for generations. A different kind of thinking is required beyond that of linear and strategic assumptions about events and motives.

The world we live in is both shrinking and growing but in dynamically different ways to how life has always passed us by. Quite simply we live in such a dynamic age of change, what we once held dear will now be sorely challenged in terms of moral code and ethical behaviours.

We CAN adapt and we will but there could well be quite a lot more polarity in opinions about everything! Be prepared for life (and people) to get VERY unpredictable! :)

So... where does this leave us?

We need to forgo our notions of separateness for one thing. Even though I just said there might be more polarity in things...which suggests the notion of separation of opinion and idea...what I am meaing is that we will need to learn to accept those polarised opinions as being no different from our own or anyone elses!

"Excuse me?" I hear you say! :)

We need to adapt to a mindset of singularity even when everything seems to be separate. It is not...not anymore! We've always seen two faces to the coin, I'm saying that now its time to just see the coin and not the faces at all!

Instead of just being adaptable we now need to be also efficiently ACCEPTING of much much more than we ever thought possible. We need to be more inclusive and less beligerant about viewpoints, opinions, linear thinking, beliefs and attitudes. We will need to think in terms of life as a circle rather than a line.

There will still need to be boundaries etc. There are some wrongs that will remain wrongs so far as I can tell... rape, murder, abuse etc. Protecting ourselves from these extreme forms of behaviour is still fundamental to our survival on this planet. Still... we won't be able to be as "picky" about people as we have been in the past.

We'll need to be more global in our approach to problems and less stiffly objective in expectations and procedures.

Basically we need to dream awake like the ancient tribal societies of the past used to do. We need a new type of awareness of our world like never before. Otherwise the old patterns of thinking linearly and precisely will just not help us adapt to the enormous changes we are facing as human beings in the generations to come.

What if there was no god...

of any kind?

wow!

My mind boggles at that concept!

I honestly can't seem to fully imagine a world where there is no form of Faith of any kind.

Steve Pavlina often suggests adopting a particular belief system for a month or so to "try it on for size" so to speak. Whilst this flexible approach to life is admirable and highly attractive, I find it extremely difficult to do.

My main reason is that I personally cannot see outside of my world view as determined by my own personal faith system. The faith that I have had since I was a child is as much a part of me as my skin. I literally live in my faith like I live in my skin.

So intrinsic to my sense of "self" is my faith system that imagining a "What if I didn't have it?" scenario is like trying to see the dark side of the moon! Mr Pavlina's construct for determining a personal belief system is entirely man-made. It requires a certain amount of skeptical indifference to be able to change beliefs like ones socks! For me, my Faith has been given TO me from beyond myself as a gift! And yes... this is entirely a subjective view despite my belief that my Faith comes from an objective source.

But okay...

What IF I didn't have my faith? What might I have been like as a woman now?

This is pure conjecture of course but here goes...

I would be obsessed about material stuff! I LOVE tech and gizmo's and other such glittery things! My CD collection would probably be quadruple what it is now. I am totally passionate about my music. CD's (even now) are my achilles heel when it comes to retail therapy.

I would probably be constantly poor due to excessive expenditure on gambling too. I have a weakness for gambling and I KNOW I could easily become addicted to it if I indulged in it often enough. Without the boundaries to this kind of thing that my faith gives me... I'd most likely get out of control.

I would be way more inflexible and non-conciliatory in my relationships. I am a "Do unto others" kind of woman. I like being treated kindly, fairly, compassionately and considerately. I currently try to treat other people this way even when its not reciprocated. I actually believe all people deserve that kind of respect regardless of what they present to the world. Without any kind of Faith construct, into which I can place relationships for that bigger picture perspective, I think I would be a whole lot more selfish and determined to have my way no matter the cost. I'd be more ruthless and manipulative, inconsiderate and judgemental perhaps.

Emotionally, I'd be a lot more unstable! And that's saying something! I come across to most people in RL as generally pretty cool, calm and collected! I shall now put the record straight and tell the world that I am a total mushy, romantic, and hyper-sensitive softy with the ability to laugh raucously one minute and then be sobbing on someones shoulder the next (If I know them well enough that is).

Without the gift of Prayer in my life I would have literally NOWHERE to "debrief" my often very intense and strong emotions and that could get really ugly for everyone quite frankly! I have been depressed before and I know the black depths one can go in that fractured night of the soul! But... I always had hope even then. If I had no faith of any kind... where would my hope have been in those dark days? I cannot begin to fathom how it is that people can feel so alone in the world they believe no-one will notice if they take themselves out of it. Even in the depths of unutterable despair and loathing of my lot, I still KNEW that I was LOVED by Someone (whom I call Christ!).

No belief system of any kind huh? Well... I don't think that is actually possible for human beings really! I mean... I'd be the sort of person who would CREATE a faith of some kind if there were none around. I'm actually very mystical and am intensely curious about the spiritual realm. I also have a penchant for wanting to KNOW everything, including what the future might hold.

Its this wanting to KNOW in advance that I think is the basic thrust behind all man-made Faith systems (I do include some versions of christianity in that "man-made" mix too). Human beings KNOW and want to know even more. Through the spiritual depths we've been endowed with, we have been given insight into realms outside of this temporal, physical one we appropriate through our senses every day. But we want more and we will have more if we can. Faith is as intrinsic to human endeavour as eating, breathing, sleeping and sex. Even those who claim to have no faith of "any" kind believe whole-heartedly in the truth of their beliefs! :)

Is God an external force of impossible magnitude? Is God an internal force of unfathomable human spirit and endeavour? Is God real or imagined? Is God really "that" important to human society?

The answer to all the above is YES!

He (or She if you are that way inclined) is as he is. Without him, the world is a very different place. With him it's also a very different place. The only diffence between those two positions is indifference.

Perhaps if we had no god, no religion, no spiritual practise of any kind, all we might be left with is mere Indifference.

Thank God it's not like that huh?

Assume nothing

It's nearly a week into 2007 and already my journey toward the Evolving Emancipation of Michelle is showing the tangled roots of enquiry along this goat-track of introspection!

Lately, I've been admonished for an over abundance of Assumption in my conversations with my nearest and dearest.

It almost got to a point where I felt like I couldn't say anything at all at the risk of being told off for inherent assumptions I hadn't realised were there in the first place!

But I digress....

This is not a whinge entitled "No one will listen to me!" :) This is a study for myself mostly, on the nature of assumptions.

To Assume is to take something a certain way as a matter of course.

An Assumption is to take that something without direct pre-established proof leading to its verification either way.

Assumptions are really beliefs. We all have them.

And there you have it!

A classic Assumption right there! :) "We all have them."

Do we? Do I really know that for certain?

Of course not! I do not know that all people everywhere have "Beliefs"! But, in the interests of proving my skill as a writer of this blog, I assumed that statement because it verifies my argument that Assumptions are basically Beliefs! Nor can I actually prove that statement so my underlying arrogance in assuming such a thing is clearly evident!

Do you see my point here?

The way that we say things to people can sometimes be filled with all manner of underlying beliefs and assumptions that we cannot and more importantly DO NOT prove the validity of before we open our mouths. It is a form of arrogance really.

When I am in a deep and intimate conversation with my loved one, I can take on the underlying belief that I know them well enough as to be able to assert certain behaviours, ideologies, impressions and beliefs about them that I can in no way truly validate by myself.

Thing is, now that I've been carefully listening to the conversations that go on around me, I've noticed that this tendency to Assume in conversation is strong in both the genders and age groups I've listened to.

The other thing I've noticed is that that Assumption thing apparently seems sometimes necessary to creating good dialogue between people. It seems that we can let most assumptions ride because when the conversationalists know each other very well, many of those assumptions can indeed be correct and validated. What does become a sticking point is when the un-validated assumption is made to be an Absolute by the assuming party. This is basically a form of labelling people and I don't think that is a really very pleasant thing myself.

It seems that I, in particular, need to learn how to add the wonderful maxim "I don't know" to the things I say in my conversations more often. Especially with the ones I love.

When I add qualifiers such as "I don't know" or "Perhaps" to my assumptions, it frees the other person from feeling labelled and taken for granted and creates a better foundation for harmonious conversation.

I don't know! :)

So long. Farewell. Amen. 2006...

2006 is fast winding to an end here.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. They do not work for me really - too prescriptive and my life is anything but that! Life has a habit of turning on the head of pin most days.

I do like to reflect on my past year though and see how far I've come.

2006 saw a bunch of changes for me that have literally changed my entire life and perspective on many things.

January saw my family and I have our first really long holiday in many years. Travelling and going to places we'd never been before in our fair state.

February saw me preparing and undergoing personal surgery. The time off from work and the recovery process led me to rediscover my old loves of reading and writing again.

That process led me to the book "Is your genius at work" by Dick Richards.

Following the exercises in the book led me to the Genius Workshop here on the net.

I named my genius and began this blog which has opened doors for self-discovery, introspection and extraordinary friendship.

Through the Workshop I met, the very clever and multi-talented, Martin Spernau and have since become very good friends with him and his lovely wee family in Germany. I gained a precious new Goddaughter too! His daughter Feline. Wow! :) Isn't the internet fantastic for building relationships between people who might not have otherwise met? One day I shall meet these precious friends of mine in meatspace for sure :) My very limited German is going to significantly improve from now I should think! hehehe

I have received feedback and wonderful encouragement from Alexys Fairfield and EM Sky and Dick Richards himself. This has fed my desire to write.

I've had some stories published online at 365 Tomorrows and I've discovered the delights of photographic and digital art through DeviantART.com

I've also begun working fulltime again and planning, with my husband, to relocate our business into a new premises.

Our son finished Primary School and begins High School next year.

Our daughter has had a string of boyfriends and a hectic teenage social life. It keeps us young.

My organisational skills have taken a beating but I'm a lot less inflexible in my thinking on many things now anyway and can chill out a little more on some of that stuff. I still make a lot of lists but I don't let myself get as caught up in the "Have to's" and "Should's" of my world now.

I've relaxed a lot this year. I've grown enormously too. I've ridden on dragons and encountered coyote magic and its been one helluva ride!

Thankyou to all of you who read this blog. This blog may be very self-centred and introspective at times but I still hope that I say things that make you think sometimes :)

Above all... I thank God for 2006! Awesome year really :)

Addendum: Totally remiss of me to not mention here the wonderful & amazing week I spent with my beloved sister and her family in late June 06. Sorry Quits! *blush* It was the best time and I "fell in love" with my beautiful wee nephews and grieved terribly when you all went back home to Darwin again. All worth it though :) I can't wait to see you all again ASAP (that whole "Prosperous New year" thing HAS to come true for one of us some day huh? ;))

Bonbon Pearl no. 4

Confidence is the memory of past success.

As I get older, I do become more confident within myself. It's as if my life has been a giant preparation ground for some big event in the future. However, I have always loved the quote "Life is not a dress rehearsal" too. So the concept of being in preparation for something ahead would not be so true in that case. We are always "ready" for what life throws at us in the here and now. God never gives us more than He knows we can handle.

Life is. Unless you happen to believe in the reincarnation of the soul into other life forms, then, for those of us who don't... this is the ONE life we have to live for all eternity. A consistent and continual moving forward and an experience rooted in the self growing ever more confident and wise.

Growth in living our daily lives is the result of both mistakes and successes. Growing older can be fraught with all manner of physical and psychological ailments but growing wiser and more confident is gift of inestimable value.

We need both confidence and humility in balance. The memory of past successes helps us to help others succeed too. We've been there done that etc. But we also need to know the memory of our past mistakes to keep us humble and not too assured of ourselves. Confidence may be the result of knowing past successes but Humility and the resulting wisdom that springs from that is the result of knowing past failures too. Both are two sides of Life's coin and both are needed for a person to become beautifully whole.

Christmas Bonbon Quote no 3

You can be whatever type of person you choose to be. Your habits, your behaviours, your responses are all your choice.

****

Wishing everyone who might be reading this wee missive from me on occasion, a very happy, blessed and peaceful Christmas.

May your world be filled with Light, Love and Learning always.

The Peace of God that passes all understanding be with you all. :)

Thankyou for reading :)

Bon Bon pearl no. 2

Self-respecting people do no care to peep at their reflections in unexpected mirrors, or to see themselves as others see them.

Oh I sooooo need to heed this one! :)

Pearls in Christmas Bonbons...

I love the Quotes one gets inside on the little piece of paper. Sometimes you just get lame jokes, but occasionally you can get a real gem of wisdom.

I thought I would share any Quote I get for each Christmas Bonbon I open from now until after Christmas Day :)

These Quotes aren't attributed to anyone on the slip of paper so if you happen to know who said these pearls... please let us know :) They deserve to be recognised for the wisdom they've imparted.

So here is the first Christmas Bonbon quote of the day:

Many people realise their hearts desires late in life. Continue learning, never stop striving and keep your curiosity sharp, and you will never become too old to appreciate life.

Where be dragons?

Dick Richards has a poignant and almost difficult post on his blog this week.

Riding on Dragons

I call his post 'difficult' because its taken me four readings of it to really let all that is hidden underneath the words to "click" inside my mind and heart.

Don't let this blogs simplicity or charm fool you. Dick has honed in on a deep issue of our age. To leap from what is known into the world of unknown concepts, ideas and possibilities is now a frightening prospect for Dragons.

And Dragons do exist. They are real people, they look like ordinary men and women. They are not the riders but they are the Dragons themselves. They ARE Idea and Possibility; they are the drivers for positive change, for light and peace, hope and joy. They love to take us to new worlds of thought and new opportunities for discovery.

But Dragons are hard to find these days because they do not tend to advertise their nature. Martin Spernau

And why would they?

Because everything in this world is a market to harvest. A new dollar to be generated. A new Word-of-mouth meme to harness and control so it becomes yet another noisy slot-machine of marketing potential for the fat-cats and entrepreneurs at the top of our Westernised pile!

The Dragons are in hiding! In caves of their own making. They work odd hours and tend toward isolation and secrecy away from prying eyes and greedy souls. If a Dragon is found they are trapped and cornered by Professional Dragon Hunters and made to perform before the clamouring masses as if Life were a mere circus, their beautiful wit and charm and expertise becoming mere fodder for making money for everyone but themselves.

And so they are slain, driven into misery and despair because no one is really listening or caring about who they are or what they can do.

So yes! The Dragons hide away awaiting those who would approach them with respect and honour to ride them again toward new worlds of wonder and delight. Dragons are the hidden leaders, the quiet smiling gentle achievers who ask not for fame or glory but simply to be enjoyed, befriended and understood.

If you know a Dragon in person - you are to expect the unexpected, travel unknown paths often, experience new things, new ideas, new wonders. You cannot think small when you ride on a Dragon. You cannot be too proud nor can you be too humble - you must always be as you are for that is when they love you best.

If you know a Dragon in person, ask if you can ride with them high above the teeming realm of mundane superficiality and the baser human instincts of hatred, lust, greed and envy and become free, with them, to find Joy, Peace, Hope and above all incredible Love.

Make the leap into the unknown and ride a Dragon with a heart receptive to wonder.

It's all part of the process...

(the title for this post is deliberately stolen from one of my favourite Morcheeba tracks :))

The verb part of my Genius name is "Constructing".

I thought I'd spend a bit of time exploring just what it is about my genius that could be called "constructing".

Okay... first a disclaimer: When I say Genius, I am not referring to intellectual prowess. Far from it. Genius in this context is somewhat differerent. Dick Richards delineates Genius from IQ this way:-

Your genius can be thought of in a practical way: as the exceptional power that comes most naturally to you, as the process in which you engage so spontaneously and easily that you do not notice it, and as the business you are in as a person. It can also be thought of in a spiritual way: as the energy of your soul, and as an answer to the question of why you exist among the human community.

You can read more about what Dick says here.

When I chose constructing as the "doing" word of my genius I was very much aware that my "thing" that I do naturally and instinctively is never really just 'There'. I am often in the process of struggle to achieve what I set out to achieve and suffer a lot of frustration along the way when I can't seem to get to where I want to ideally be.

I seem to have to grow into things. I am the type that needs to experience first before instinct and knowledge come naturally. Each step in my lifes journey is a building block being carefully secured in place or shifted to fit better as time goes on. I cannot just "do" my genius of coherence instantly. If I could, I'd have a whole bunch of incredibly close friends instead of just a very small handful.

Time seems to be my ever present burden and brake for my genius to express itself properly. The construction process is a time consuming thing. Buildings, pyramids, art, anything constructed step by plodding step all take vast quantities of time. Time will be what makes or breaks my genius.

I've noticed that I seem to be "growing up" at long last. It's taken me probably close on 33 years to outgrow adolescence. I was always the dreamer, the idealistic romantic. Burdened by too much naivete and too much fear, I've constructed coherence between friends and loved ones through the strategic manipulation of invisible walls and unseen bridges. Now I want to see which of those walls need breaking down, which bridges need repair and which of both need total demolition. It takes time and maturity to even want to know this let alone actually go about the reconstruction of them. :)

And its primarily process that drives me. Construction is a process. A finely balanced set of principles and procedures that eventually lead to a conclusion. There is shift, change, adaptation, manouevering, building, laying of foundations, scaffolding, manipulation, composition, sorting and all manner of subtleties within the process that must occur before you achieve the end result.

My genius is not about end results - its about all the stuff that occurs beforehand. The process is what is important about what I do - not just the final results.

I am MOSTLY constructing... not merely coherence. In fact, most close to me would say that "coherence" is a word that really should not suit me as a person. I rarely make sense to most people it seems :) "Ditzy", "blonde", "A bit thick", - these are the refutes of my entire life and yet I can also wow people with tidbits of knowledge and understanding gleaned over the years.

Ones genius isn't rocket science but nor is it easy either. You either know yourself or you don't. Knowing ones Genius name isn't the end of the matter either. What really matters is the process you use to express your Genius in the world. Genius is doing not just being. It's a moving forward with your own unique stagger, wobble and stride to make what you do work the way you were designed to make it work.

I'm sure there are other people in the world who are about 'Coherence' but just how they go about doing that would be entirely different to me. Only Mitch from SE Australia has and does that thing called "Constructing Coherence". It's what I do and is so uniquely instinctive to me I can barely figure out just how I do it let alone why.

I have learned much about myself this past year, delving into this concept of Genius as described by Dick. This is also a construction process; a process of discovery, of understanding my own identity. The knowledge I gain about my strengths and weaknesses on this journey, will I hope, help me to understand others better.

Hey... I got tagged!

Yep...

Lots of people are chasing each other on the net these days and springing virtual thumps on arms or touching fingertips on backs and yelling "You're IT"

Virtual Tag is bringing the child out in all of us harking back to the days of our youth - no matter which generation - and reminding us of those times when bills and "work" were childs play and nothing in all the world mattered except your best friend and the teddy you cuddled at night in bed (in my case - it was a mouse rather than a teddy :))

We called Tag "Chasey" in my corner of Australia. It was fast, fun, furious and sometimes taken deathly seriously by the boys in my tiny primary school.

So anyway Dick Richards tagged little old me on his blog and I feel rather honoured really, to have been singled out for the attention.

So Five things you may not know about me huh?

Hmmmm

1) I can only see out of one eye. My left eye has gone blind from Glaucoma. No more to add on that one. I cope well. I can drive and have great mobility although I can't dance as gracefully as I used to be able to - my balance and kinesthetic intelligence have taken a beating along with losing some sight it seems.

2) I adore sci-fi television. I rarely watch a lot of TV these days but I make the effort to record the very late night offerings of whatever Sci-Fi series is going. I grew up in a home surrounded by a lot of sci-fi literature. But Doctor Who was my first great love on the TV - My sister and I will never forget cowering behind the couch terrified, as the Yeti Men stalked the Doctor and his female sidekick :).

I am currently collecting the entire DVD/Magazine series of StarTrek: The Next Generation *grin* - how geeky can you get really but I love it

3) I won a trophy for Weightlifting once. I was training for rowing actually, but got really interested in the process of strength building and went on to adopt weight-lifting as a sport for about 18 months when I was in my early 20's. In a small local competition I managed to clean and jerk my body weight (then a very lean 62kg) which earned me a trophy :) It's the ONLY trophy I've ever won for any sport anywhere.

4) I have always wanted to be a movie Director. Film has long held a strong fascination for me. My grand dream has always been to write and direct a big budget movie based on a classic sci-fi novel called "Out of the Silence" By Earle Cox (I am sooo excited to see it finally up on Project Gutenberg Australia! Whooo hooo! - If you can, make some time to read this story, it's incredible)

5) I have been a glider pilot and have flown solo. My dad is a non-commercial pilot and has flown gliders for close on 45 years (maybe more - I'll have to ask him). As a wee girl I used to go with him on Saturdays and Sundays to the local flying club and spend the day there playing in and around the aircraft.

I went solo 2nd September 1979 and earned my "C Badge" classification in gliding :). One of my most memorable flying expeditions was with a friend from the club and we sailed up the side of a thundercloud to around 15,000 + ft and then dived down straight toward a double circular set of rainbows in the the sky before the storm front. I'll never forget that experience.

Unfortunately, other interests got in the way and I never kept up with my flying which I regret now.

Okay... now I'm off to chase down Martin Spernau, EM Sky and Alexys Fairfield... they're getting TAGGED *grin*