Tuesday, January 26, 2010

carpets in the halls of hearts

Soft. Deep, like the coat of a wintering cat,
my heart feels full and sensuous;
luxuriating as I am in the pleasure of this touch
upon its long, un-walked halls.
Toes curling in delightful wonder,
on a carpet of alluring possibilities.
It's not the room at the opposite end
that holds my enthrall,
but the sense of the way there -
each step a wondrous epitome of discovery.
New love in every sinuous move -
every fibre beneath my feet,
a growth towards completion.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

the ubiquitous resurgence of emotional turbidity

Cloudy. Cloudy thoughts like those kinds of clouds raging across an unsettled sky. The questions are the clouds.

What is actually necessary? What is actually required? What is beneficial?

I "know" idealistically what I want but what I want may not be what is beautiful or perfect or desirable over the long haul.

The answers are feint; hidden as they are behind impenetrable mists of confusing needs and wants, idealistic propensities and zealous pragmatism.

There are times when my desire to know the future and its promises, becomes an intractable and unwieldy yoke. This may be one of those times when I probably could allow the question clouds maelstrom their way across my Thought Sky, without wishing for those answers to upset the swirly chaos.

Perhaps in the interests of simple Experience, its time to allow my questions to remain unanswered and be unfettered by fears of an impossible-to-know future and simply enjoy the ride.

Welcome romance...eschew what if's....

....simply enjoy the ride.

Friday, January 08, 2010

The cool, calm quiet

It's going to be hot here in the next few days! Damn hot! Forecasts suggest in the realms of the low 40's Celcius (104F and then some). The temperatures these past few weeks have been up and down and all over the place. The highs and lows of the weather seem to be matching the roller-coaster ride of my life this past few years!

Right now it's very mild. There's a tinge of coolness on the air as if Mother Nature is blowing softly across the landscape with her lips pursed: much like a mother blows on her little child's food to take the edge off the heat. Respite.

Inside my own heart, I am also aware of a kind of coolness of spirit. A calm gentle mildness of Being. It's nice! My life has seen all manner of upheavals this past few years. Death, disease, anguish, pain, intense loneliness along with mountain top highs and euphoric moments of pure joy. It's been a roller-coaster that's for sure.

I used to think I would be partial to a roller-coaster but having experienced a real one in recent years I know I am not. Either I left my roller-coaster riding experience too late in life or I am simply far too acutely aware that these mechanical beasties have way too many bolts and bits that could shear off at ANY moment catapulting the riders all over the place! No thanks! The rattling, straining, speed and hurtling downhill pace of the roller-coaster is not for me. Far too scary.

Thank God (literally), we really can't read the future for if we could know about the little bolts, the noises, the squeaks, the down hill runs, the straining up hill climbs too well.... most of us would probably stay at home - in bed - under the covers and plead for Him to make us die!

Yes! My life has been a roller-coaster this past few years. Has it been fun?

*wry smile* No!


Sometimes maybe on occasion.

Today as I sit here before heading to work, I am blissfully aware of an inner calm - a sort of peaceful acceptance that my life is my own and my roller coaster ride is perhaps coming to the end of its current session. However brief the hiatus between this last ride and any prospective future one will be, I will enjoy the cool, calm quiet of these moments very much indeed.