Saturday, March 31, 2007



...a phrase which is fabulously coined by the very smart and savvy EM Sky from a previous post I made recently.

The definition of "Pah!"?

Well as I alluded to in that post, it stands for Perverse Arrogant "Humility".

This is where someone acts like they're really very humble and meek etc but they are simply seeking to be the centre of attention and get lots of recognition and kudo's for being so "wonderfully" humble and meek etc.

Lots of people do "Pah!". Some a lot more than others of course but nevertheless there is the tendency of the human being to make themselves look good amongst their Peers wherever possible and if "Pah!" makes being the centre of attention work - then that's what people will do - act all sweetness and humble pie in order to get what they want... recognition and social standing.

It's Arrogant Superiority dressed to kill in low down-trodden heels really. It's the reverse of the Small Me Syndrome.

The SMS is sheer lack of self-confidence. "Pah!" is total arrogant confidence that one is at the Centre of the groups focus and concern.

People who do "Pah!" are adept at appearing to be self-less but their arrogant assumption that it is really they who control things... they just like to make it look like they don't so that everyone will fawn over them and boost their over-inflated Ego's even more with complimentary praise!

I confess to being an expert at "Pah!"

I have even pretended that it was true humility on occasion but often it is simply just fishing for compliments to back what I already know...that I have control of the group with the power I wield in being the "humble servant of all". I'm not proud of this of course.

I've always lacked confidence in my Self so to gain personal power I have used my "smallness" on occasion with ingratiating "humility" and politeness to climb the social ladder.

Now that I'm all "grown up" (some might beg to differ on that statement ;))... it's time to give up being childishly manipulative and be honest with my Self first and with others second. This blog itself could be classified borderline "Pah!"... it may seek to coerce people into thinking that I am so wonderfully and "refreshingly" honest and "humble" in expressing such sentiments about myself! yeah! That maybe quite true. I DO want to be congratulated for being so outstandingly "honest" for saying this stuff!

Stuff and nonsense! Who really cares? It's not wise to assume that everyone is remotely interested in everything I have to say and being all humble pie about my dirty psychological laundry won't change that fact.

True Humility isn't interested in control or recognition. It seeks to better the world for everyone, the demonstrator of that humility included. It is neither perverse and nor is it arrogant. True Humility loves people and the Self without looking to feather ones egocentric nest with compliments, praise, kudo's or gain of any kind. True Humility isn't smallness, or lack of confidence. In fact only the truely confident can ever be truly humble for their interest is not self-seeking in the first place.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Is sex controlled by women?

Been musing about this lately.

I've come to the tentative conclusion that women in partnered* heterosexual relationships seem to have right of way when it comes to determining just how much sex actually happens between them and their beloved.

I see sex as a form of communication.

I also believe it to be a dichotomous mix of selfish desires that demand attention as well as (hopefully) a selfless desire to bring joy and pleasure to another person. There's a fine balance to meeting these two seemingly opposing forces. There really isn't anything totally "unconditional" about sex, its too reciprocal and it's also just too easy to get the messages the act conveys all mixed up and miscontrued inside our heads.

Still, mankind has been fascinated by sex for millenia. The topic (not so much the act itself) travels between this figure 8-like pendulum of repression and then expression with each successive generation trying to figure out why and how the last one "got it all wrong".

Most people I speak to seem to think that sex and the sex act is very much instigated and initiated by men. Whilst this may be true I'm beginning to wonder if the longer the duration of relationship between a man and woman, the MORE likely it will be that it is the woman who controls when (and perhaps where) sex occurs.

I've spoken to many of my friends and co-workers about sex and hidden in amongst the dry wit and innuendo lies a darker thread of intriguing social conditioning. The girls refrain & sabotage when they're "not in the mood" and play coquette when they are... the men are often left bereft and bewildered. The standing joke among the men in my circle is "What is a man's idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging!"

Good relationships between loving partners* involves good sex. Good sex is a two-way street of giving and receiving with equality and compromise. Good sex is like a really good wine, it lubricates and adds flavour to what is a satisfying meal - in this case the relationship is the meal. Good sex is not meant to be a control thing; its meant to be a natural expression of love and commitment that brings romance, wonder, pleasure and the satisfaction of deep intimacy through the union.

Dang that's easy to write but oh so hard to actually do huh? Sex is so often misunderstood, misinterpreted, misconstrued, misrepresented, just...missed more often than not.

When women control too much of the sexual expression within a relationship, sex is actually reduced to that of a weapon. The question remains though. Do women really control sex? If men control the sex in a relationship is that construed as "rape"? Sheesh! I don't know!! What a scary thought!

It's really difficult to know for sure. You see sex for women is tied up with their whole world, emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. It's not a contained isolated thing that can be separated out from the rest of our lives. Sex for women is a 24/7 deal. It's about how we feel, how we think, how we think we look, how we are treated and the stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves and our partners inside our heads. Sex for women is nearly entirely centred inside the brain. When a man understands this and brings love, affection, respect and above all really good communication to his relationship with a woman - he's very likely to be getting lots of very good sex indeedy.

Where women feel used, abandoned, unloved, undesired, ugly, tired, or under appreciated, it is difficult to find interest or desire in sex after the bedroom door is closed. It becomes easy to feign all manner of 'inconveniences' to making sex a priority in the relationship when that happens.

So do you agree? Do women control sex or not? The jury is out.

[*Because I am so grossly unaware of what sex is like between gay and lesbian partners, I've chosen to limit this topic to heterosexual relationships.]

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Goodbye Farewell Amen

Dick Richards is closing the public forum, The Genius Workshop.

It's a sad thing really but it has had its day it seems. Activity has been slow on the forum for quite some time now.

I had a moment of Perverse Arrogant "Humility" (Yes! there is such a thing - stay tuned :)) where I thought that perhaps it was "me" who had effectively alienated the wonderful people on the workshop with my loquacious and bubbling "Perspicacity" etc and shut down the group by default.

My intentions were always to help others but I do wonder if perhaps I "helped" to the point of being too talkative and opinionated.

Oh well! It is the way I tend to be in groups and I have always struggled with that balance between being subdued so others can have their say and being strong-minded and forceful in saying my bit. To say I tend toward the latter more often than not is an understatement *blush*.

The workshop has been a watershed for me in many ways. It has not only helped me to find the name of my own Genius, it has brought me new friends and subsequently a lot of personal growth.

Dick Richards is to be congratulated for being brave enough to offer such a public forum for those of us keen to find their inner Gift. Those who participated are to be congratulated for being brave enough to share their very personal journey's with such honesty and open-minded integrity.

The search to name ones Genius is a journey of intense personal interrogation and discovery. It can be painful and enlightening. It is however one of the most valuable personal growth exercises anyone can do.

Perhaps it - looking to find ones genius - seems like one giant self-interested, narcissistic wank to some, but in all seriousness, being conscious of how one IS in the world can make a big difference to how we can make the world a better place... for everyone.

Thanks Dick for letting me be a part of this project with you.

To everyone I spoke to via the workshop: May you find and name that special "Thing" within you that makes you wonderful and unique in the world. May it bring you much blessing and joy as you seek to exercise that Genius and your Purpose in life.

No regrets.

Friday, March 02, 2007

soul gaps

having believed in Christ since a very young is really difficult for me to write about what it must be like to NOT believe in the Christian Gospel and in Christs Divinity etc.

I do think there is a "hole in the soul" of every living person (not sure about animals at this stage so am leaving them out of this equation until further info comes to hand ;)).

This "hole in the soul" is a God-shaped hole. It is the empty space that can ONLY be filled by something very difficult to describe in mere words. The hole in the soul cannot be filled by material gain, acceptance, ones talents or beauty; it can't be traded for spak-filler, glue, rubber flashing or anything stop-gappish in nature. The hole in the soul inside all of us requires something quite different to fill it.

Now for those who do not believe in God/Christ/the Gospel - there is an element of disatisfaction that I see in their lives that runs very deep. Many non-christians I know don't even realise they HAVE a hole inside deep within the secret recesses of their being. But I see it and it irks me that they try so hard to "fill" it with all manner of nonsense such as money and possessions etc.

Then there are those who say they're believers and yet the hole in their soul is GiNORMOUS! A total irony really! They have witnessed the most wonderous thing and have been given unreserved inclusion into the most incredible gift and yet.... there is still this big hole in their soul that is "missing" something very important in that recipe.

What is it?

What fills the hole in the soul?

What substance could possibly be available that would fill that gap of self-seeking compensation for lack thereof?

Quite fundamentally I believe it is Hope. My God is a God of Hope as well as Love beyond comprehension :)

Christ for me is my Hope. I can sense Love and I can have Faith but without Hope they're meaningless. Of what point is being a believer if I have no Hope in the Gospel being true? Of what point is my Faith if it does nothing but make me look quite foolish (and I know it can) if I don't have Hope that it will be worth it in the end? Of what point is gaining all this STUFF in my life - including beloved friends, family members, cats, dogs, acquisitions and personal growth if it does not add value to the Hope I have of being with Christ for Eternity.

Hope for me is the positive outpouring of an energy that brings unseeable rewards IN this moment and which I believe will last beyond the grave.

And even if there is reincarnation of the soul - I shall cling to the Hope I have in Christ that it is all going to be worth it. I don't really care right now if I come back as a crustacean because my hole is filled with the Hope that Christ will stand by his promises to me as a human being in THIS life-time! I AM and always will be HIS child and NOTHING will ever separate me from that fact.

All my weaknesses, all my flaws, all my faults, stupidities, acts of violence, abnormalities of mind and heart, my cringe-worthiness, my loves, my joys, my secret desires and dreams, my honesty, my dishonesty, my trust, and untrustworthiness: all of it counts as "something" worthy of consideration by God. It's not arrogance to think of myself like this... he assures me he loves me that much! What that gives me fills that god-shaped gap I have buried inside of me in ways I can only barely comprehend and gives me hope.

I'm grateful for that :)