Wednesday, March 22, 2006

At the risk of sounding pretentious...

My Genius is Constructing Coherence!

It makes me laugh when I consider how obvious this is in light of what I do and who I am.

It seems that "inner bean" that we all hold dear becomes so close to us we often don't recognise it when it decides to come out from behind its psychological curtain!

Constructing Coherence sounds like an esoteric exercise in being ridiculous - which is a lot fo who I am when I think about it! LOL - but it IS a fusion of all the things I have done and probably will do.

I'm not a builder of buildings but I do have a long term fascination with the construction of homes and architechture and I've become somewhat of a know-it-all when it comes to sustainable home design.

I do construct a lot of words together though. Constructing coherence is actually a term used in grammar to describe the way words are used to convey meaning and context.

For me it's about creating a sense of shared understanding and communion.

It's about making me and anyone else "out there" feel connected and that there is a clear understanding and a shared sense of meaning between us all.

It's about friendship; it's about unity, entente, Esprit de Corp, it's about union, communion, and integrated wholes. It's about context, sense, meaning and syntax. It's about building up a complete picture, a trusted picture, an understood picture.

For me, I build up these values through research, divining, intuiting, writing, talking, sensing, making, assimilating, acknowledging and sharing of all this knowledge with others.

Trouble is... I can be a little excitable in my eagerness to share this knowledge and I can easily turn others off with my enthusiastic attempts to be in tune with them! I usually sense this when people go "What the...?" after one of my little "sessions". One of my friends says I "philosophize" a lot! *blush*

When someone has a "problem", I am inclined to go to great lengths to help them make sense of it and thus solve it in a way that makes them LIKE me for helping them understand!

On the other hand when people ARE enlightened through my efforts and thank me for it, are happy to be around me because of what I bring, I feel absolutely, blimmin' wonderful! I love that feeling of unity, that sense of "belonging" that comes from friendship.

Coherence in it's most wonderful form no doubt!

As to my purpose....

Well.... the most constructive and most coherent purpose for me is written on the chain I wear around my neck.

To live (construct) my life in -
& Love

Tis the ultimate glue that keeps everything together!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

filtering the past

Much of this trying to find out ones "words" from the archeological dig of the soul is to revisit the things in your past and see if there is any connections and similarities that you caused across events.

I've been trying to find those things in my life that have a common theme and so far I have noticed one or two things that I do/have done that may be a further piece of evidence in my search.

When I was little, I wasn't necessarily the tidiest kid on the farm but I did have this cycle of establishing order.

When my side of the bedroom got just too cluttered, I sorted! I didn't need to be told by my parents to sort, I just did it. I would spend hours determining the BEST place to keep my array of soft toys - who were all real people by the way to me - situating them so they could all have easy access to their nocturnal pursuits whilst I slept. I literally believed that soft toys came alive when no one was looking - still do actually!

When I received a new note book in which to write I would promise myself that this book would be the neatest and tidiest book I'd ever recorded my thoughts in. By the time I got to page three though, it would be a right mess! In my late teens I abandoned all hope of having tidy notebooks and just relished getting the thoughts down as innovatively as possible.

As an avid lover of books as a kid, I remember a time when I absolutely NEEDED to categorise them into some sort of order. I constructed this rather complicated and very tedious numbered coding system to classify my books. I had no idea about the Dewey Decimal System but I somehow KNEW that was how libraries were constructed and ordered. I desperately wanted to be a librarian at one stage in my life but didn't because librarian jobs are so hard to get!

When in group discussion, I get endlessly frustrated if all the talk goes nowhere constructive. It HAS to be constructive. I love poetic ideas, I love idealistic theories and potentialities but it all has to be constructive - it has to have a means to an end. There must be newfound knowledge, action, insights and meaning from the talk. There must above all be entente! If it all goes bust, I get hurt and subsequently dissinterested.

Constructing Entente

Last night I thought perhaps that my words might be Hooking Up I've yet to say them aloud. I thought of this because I'm into hooking things and people up. Hey! I'm the only one in the family that can hook up the VCR and then program it!

I am rather more than interested in buildings. Homes to be precise. I am dreaming of a day when I can build my own home to be as sustainable as possible! There's that whole constructing thing again.

In my college days, I was big into poetry. Constructing words to define meaning no doubt! I loved the economy of poetry. Alas my skills in that area have become a little rusty.

I don't mind following instruction as long as they're coherent.

Constructing Coherence

Now THAT feels.......

Saturday, March 18, 2006


linking pathways

I really like this one.

It's not where I starte at Divining Character but it's getting nearer to where I want to be.

I had thought that "character" was going to be definitely a part of my two words but apparently not.

I do like "linking" though - I do a lot of linking!

First... the book

I've been working on the stuff in this VERY inspirational book by Dick Richards.

It's hard!

I hate hard!

I like everything to go with easy equanmity and flow.

I've been like a dog with a bone these past few days trying desperately to cotton onto the name of my "genius".

Now this genius isn't anything to do with how big my I.Q. is! Heaven knows - the numbers on that are in the bottom end of the embarrassing range. But it does say everything about the unique gift I bring to the world. It's something deep inside the core of me to which I attend with solicitous care even though I don't quite yet know what it is. It's the gift I bring to the world and whilst it gives me the greatest joy and success when it's working, it's also there to bring the most bounty to the world at large. It's the magnet to everything I've ever done and will do. It's the seed at the core of my apple of life!

Now, I KNOW I should be just sitting back and letting all my research of these past few days sit idle in my brain like an abandoned yellow pages and just let my subconscious do the walking, but it's so danged hard to just leave it be.

The mere fact that this stuff deals in WORDS, let alone with character and soul is enough to attract me like a moth to a flame.

I can't sleep properly because my dreams are not pictures anymore, they've become endless, scrolling lists of words. This is totally surreal as I've never really dreamt in words before. I usually have a whole movie playing in my sleep rather than an audio tape.

I need somewhere to record my journey, hence this blog. I'll keep it up for as long as I need to debrief.

I have written more words these past few days than I've written in a year. I'm loving that part. I have always written to debrief my heart. Writing seems to be the most careful - and carefree - way in which to unveil the frustrations of the soul.

I have a looooong list of words. Just when I think I might have nailed my genius down, it slips away into the ether. It's like that paper bag dancing on zephyrs in the film American Beauty , mesmerising and hypnotic and totally elusive!

Every now and again you'll notice two isolated words, sometimes three, inserted out of the blue within these musings. These words will be my attempts to name my genius. If I remember each time, I'll highlight them in green - I love green! :) Green is so hopeful and alive! :)

Untangling Knots