Monday, July 31, 2006

The irresistable urge to run

I cannot fathom it at all.

Lately, every now and again, I have this inner DESIRE to just head out the door and RUN. It happened today. I was working away in our shop and I had this URGE - the compelling and audacious URGE to just go - for a run. It very nearly overwhelmed me to the point of actually giving in to it!

Of course "Sense and Sensibility" won out and I didn't go for that run there and then - I did however compensate later today with a big walk :)

Now I'm not a "small" girl anymore. The mere thought of running makes my blood freeze and my brain do a short-circuit mind jolt at this preposterous notion. I find it strangely hilarious that after nearly 20 years of near sedentary life-style (well almost sedentary - I am a Mum afterall ;))...I suddenly have this strange compulsion within to explore this, long thought lost, physical side of myself.

Ahhhh! But!

...To just feel that youthful energy and fire in the movement of my body again! What bliss it would be!

I've felt this sensation before, not long ago. It's happened once or twice now. There is no rhyme or reason to it - I just feel it. So, once last week I tried, tentatively, to go for a short run in our backyard... and I confess that despite the jarring of the knees and the total stupidity I felt (I was so scared of being seen - even by the kids *blush*)... it felt FANTASTIC! hahaha

So I figured if I called this compelling idea out of my inner world and made it public - so to speak - it might actually make me DO that which I fear to do... aka go for a run!

When compelling ideas strike you in this way, what do you do with them? :)

When you feel a compulsion to do something wonderful and yet it feels so alien and strange to you, take a baby-step and feel your way through it. TRY it! Just once is all you need to see if it's something you can consider doing again.


When the urge strikes - run with it! :)

Friday, July 28, 2006

Practical love

"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.' Matt 25:37-40 The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

There is a test for the "evidence" of love.

When we can give ourselves willingly over to another who is "overlooked" or "ignored" - that is when we truly show our stripes as people who understand what practical love really means.

Love is dirty.

It gets in, rolls up its sleeves, digs in and DOES.

It holds the head of the one who is puking on its shoes; it scrapes away the gore and grime of every day living to make ready for the next days filth; it bears the tears of another and halves the pain; it continually strives to make peace where there is no hope of peace to be found; it sorts, it tosses, it collates, it aspires, it hopes, it feeds, it cuts and it wounds: it seeps and it coheres; it gives and wants for nothing. Dirty practical Love hangs from a tree and bleeds, drinks sour wine and wears thorns on its head.

Love like this is in your face and uber pragmatic. It won't take bullshit... it just IS as it IS and refuses to bend to pretty little pictures of romance and fantasy.

THIS love is available to all of us. We are each offered it as a free gift - if only we'd open the wrapper on that gift and go "wow!" more often.

Some people call this gift Grace. :)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Psychic bonds and all that you know.

I'm not entirely convinced of some of the "psychic" mumbo-jumbo out there in spirituality land.

Anyone who "says" they have a psychic power is - in my world view - something of deluded nutter. However I am prepared to very wrong on this of course :)

I would LOVE to have a psychic power! It would be so cool to be able "communicate" with loved ones on that "silent" level. Imagine out shopping and you've forotten your shopping list and so you send a "message" to your loved ones at home who reciprocate by remotely "telling" you what you need to buy??? hahaha - It would be a whole lot cheaper than a mobile phone call that's for sure! ;)

For all that though I DO think there is a KIND of psychic bond available to people and it belongs in the realm of a very deep and abiding love.

When we love another person deeply and unconditionally, we can, I believe, generate a kind of psychic "connection" between each other to the point that we begin to understand without words or traditional modes of communication what each is feeling, thinking and doing at any given moment in time. Its not so much about "talking" directly to another mind but more about a kind of instinctive "knowing" another mind and having that same kind of energy reciprocated.

My mum was really good at this. She loved us kids so well and yet never cloistered us to the point of suffocation and yet she seemed to "know" things about us that we could never have expressed in words. She picked up on these words, themes and actions and made instinctive connections that have been positively and freakishly accurate over the years.

It doesn't happen so much anymore! I guess we have "moved" on a little in our adulthood from all that. But the evidence here for me is that there IS a kind of psychic power available in the human realm that is most definitely real.

Its about love! A bond of love so powerful that it travels into new dimensions of emotion and thought. Its a bond that transcends the human dimension and goes straight to the spiritual heart of us as persons.

It is rare too. It isn't easy to find that kind of connection with another. We are often "blocked" in this power I believe, by our own selfish need and desire for gratification at all costs. There is love but no connection, no entente or passion. It's as if the wires are crossed and the stereo is switched onto mono mode instead.

But when that deep, loving and extraordinary connection exists, there is emotional pull and power beyond belief :) It is psychic in its expression and it totally rocks!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The written laws of attraction.

Not chemical or physical but here on the internet in text!

What "makes" a blog, an article, a writer, a stranger become interesting and attractive through the power of written language alone?

Without any physical presence what makes a person become likeable, not likeable, beautiful, interesting, strange, weird, cute, adorable, indifferent or hateful just based on the words they use in written communications here on the internet or in print?

I am intrigued. I find it incredibly interesting to note that attraction despite the lack of all that physical chemistry stuff can exist here in cyberspace where there is no real physical dimension at all. Relationships between people on the internet are quite different in a dimensional sense to relationships in the world we actually live in. And yet... there are qualities that are the same. Touch for example: we can't touch a person we know in cyberspace physically and yet we can touch them deeply in their heart, mind, soul and emotional self. It IS esoteric for sure what I'm saying here but it is still potent and important to understanding the dynamics of human relationships I think.

On the internet, the world is very much a text based world. Despite the burgeoning popularity of audio and visual content, the internet is inherently a text based construct and will remain so for some time to come. There is something fundamentally absorbing about the text-based relationships we form here. There is attraction at work, similar to how it works in the physical world. The question I'm asking here is why should that be so? Why should text - writing - create that strong sense of bonding or not when it is merely...writing? There is no smell, no chemistry, no physical touch, no real face, body or corporeal entity other than what is expressed through words on the screen!

It isn't always about "good" writing either. Sure! There may be a power inherent in the technical skill of writing text that is fluent, easy to understand and meaningful and which naturally "attracts". Marketers and advertisers are excellent and creating this kind of tricky alluring attraction through words. However, I think there is something more going on here. There is something more to the power of text based language than I first thought. An ability to create an aura of attractiveness about the person writing.

I personally find a lot of the unspoken energy of a person in the way they write. Their persona is present - their voice if you will - is intrinsically and identifiably evident in the words they use and how they use them.

Spelling is moot here; good technical construction of sentences, paragraphs and content are also moot here to a point, [It is still important to be clear about what is being written]. But, the essence of personal character and spirit is still evident despite these things. It is still communication but without the noise of the physical world attached. Weirdly, I sometimes find that this textual identity can communicate more profoundly and succinctly the true inner man/woman than perhaps if I was trying to engage with them in the real world, but of course that is almost impossible to answer as fact. :)

It is more than the message they deliver - it is themselves! The quality and essence of who they are as persons hidden between the lines, the words and the message, but still there all the same. Its still important to be clear about what we are saying here in this text-based world but it may be less difficult to be "got" perhaps.

And the attraction for certain people and their writings on the net here are as individual as if meeting in meatspace. What attracts me about a writer may not attract you and vice versa. We may even be attracted by different things about that writer from the same piece of writing. I know for certain that I have been "instantly" attracted to certain people whilst never having met them in the flesh but sensing something wonderful in them just on the basis of their written words alone. By the same token, there have been other writers for whom it has taken me time to "warm" to and others again whom I have difficulty understanding, if at all.

It is just like being in the physical world really, the same laws of attraction apply except that it IS different too! In the physical world, attraction is a heady mix of body language, beauty, allure, physique and then mind, soul, thought and emotion. Here in cyberspace, it seems that mind, soul, emotion, thought and idea, bring the beauty and the allure. It's an entirely different modality of interpretation. Attractiveness therefore need not be physical but it IS about the essence and soul of a person and that truth exists in both worlds.

So, it seems to me that attraction can exist even in mere text without ever meeting in the flesh and I find this very intriguing and interesting. It adds a layer to the human communication and relationship dimension I had never considered until now.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Ask a Ninja

Oh my!

For some reason - and not even I can fathom why - but this little gem made me howl with laughter until tears streamed from my eyes!

Ask A Ninja about Love

A good laugh never did anyone any harm - except perhaps for some slightly stiff tummy muscles the next morning ;)

Friday, July 21, 2006

To belong

There is a very subtle difference between "belonging" to someone you love and being "owned" by them. Both are about possession but there are subtleties to this that merit some exploration.

In relationships, ownership is more about property than love. Slavery is a direct outcome of ownership. Slavery is what happens when one becomes a mere object of personal property available for the owners benefit. When someone is owned it implies that they had no choice in that contract. There is no equality in this relationship and therefore no real intimacy. There is no freedom in this at all.

Feeling owned by someone is suffocating and disempowering. When we feel owned we feel like we have no freedom to grow or be our own identity. There is an oppression to being owned that will kill intimacy and thwart all personal growth as individuals. Ownership of a loved one is disrespectful and controlling.

Belonging may be a subtle difference of semantics but it means a world of difference in relationship.

Belonging is about freedom of choice. We can belong to someone without being owned by them. Belonging is about choosing to give up a part of oneself in loving sacrifice and service to the one we love. Belonging is a bringing together of parts into a single unit, a blending of souls toward true togetherness. It is not about entrapment or property rights, it is more about commitment and respect. In belonging to another it is clear that we are naturally and intimately connected to that other person. When two people decide to belong to each other - the relationship is an intimate exchange both equal and satisfying.

The feeling of belonging to someone you love is both compelling and profound. It has a safety to it that makes us feel more alive and confident. There is reassurance and validity to everything we are when we are gently held as someone very precious by another. Belonging is both equality and intimacy.

In belonging there is respect and freedom too. When we simply belong to each other we are given the freedom to make choices about who we are and what we want to be. We also respect each other enough to allow room to grow, move and change as individuals - keeping the other close to the heart as a treasured possession but never choosing to own them.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

My life long search.

I had a revelation very recently. A surprising one actually. Surprising in that it had never occured to me before!

All this self absorbed searching for my Genius this year had up until now failed to show me this potent and powerful force in my life that has determined so many of my actions and intentions right from when I was a very little girl. I can literally "see" how this force shaped certain situations and relationships in my past now.

My Genius IS "Constructing Coherence"! This name, I believe, is truely descriptive of my gift - the one that I give to the world naturally and effortlessly. However... and this is the revelation....I believe that my subconscious and natural motivation behind the expression of this gift is BECAUSE I am really searching for intimacy.

All my life has been a search for true Intimacy.

Coherence for me is more than just making meaning and sense of the world it is also ABOUT creating a level of trust, friendship, agreement, closeness, warmth, honour, reverence, adoration, familiarity and deep personal connection with another. I actively and subconsiously seek to fulfil this need within myself.

Thing is... I have also noticed that I rarely if ever trust true intimacy when it falls into my lap. It seems that I have a self-belief that suggests that if I cannot "create" true intimacy - then it cannot exist. So I am always on high alert for proof of its existence. I want it and need it desperately but I don't really, deep down, know how to recognise it. In fact I tend to run away - fast - in the opposite direction when other people seeking intimacy with me are on my radar! They come on too strong, are too intense, too needy! Ack! They are too much like me and being so much like me, I instinctively sense that they cannot give me what I really need.

Does this mean I am looking for those who are "stronger" than I? Perhaps. My need for intimacy comes across as a weakness I guess - a desperation almost - to be reassured constantly that I have do have value and that I belong.

I was always attracted to people I could never "quite" attain - I wanted to develop entente with them but never could. The great "loves" of my life have been passionate mostly one-sided affairs and I suffered long years of lonely, love-less isolation as a result always hoping against hope that somehow... I could MAKE intimacy with them exist!

I now see this to be a self-fulfilling belief which has ensured that my continuing search for intimacy would always be in vain and that proof of it's "existence" would never be guaranteed. This "habit" of my temperament is that I need to keep looking for intimacy because if I actually found it and didn't have to look for it anymore - would I still be "me"?

I now understand too, that some of the most difficult times of my life were when people were repelled by the intensity of this need within me. And now that I know, I may be able to consciously re-direct some of this intense searching and not fall into old patterns of behaviour that would disengage those with whom I want to connect. Perhaps, now that I understand this natural inclination of mine, I will grow to be less fearful of being alone in the world.

I have always feared abandonment! Not being abandoned on an empty island so much, but emotionally abandoned by loved ones, friends, family, people I care about. THAT is my single most excruciating fear - even above the fear of snakes! (..and I am terrified of snakes *blush*).

So I guess the question here our Gift, our Genius so exists then what is the natural motivation within us that creates it?

What DRIVES us to express our genius in the world? What is that thing deep in our souls that says 'I want and need to fulfil this *thing* inside me and this is how I will set about doing it?'?

We give to get. We give of ourselves through our Genius so that we can fulfil these deepest needs within. For me I construct coherence in this world in the hope that I will one day find proof and a deep personal reassurance that true intimacy exists.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

How to confound and confuse your partner...

1. Tell them you'll do a thing but actually go do the opposite.
1. Make them think they are more intelligent than you are and then prove otherwise.
1. Love them to death but be really grumpy and snappy with them all the time so they don't know it for sure.
2. Always tell them you keep no secrets from them but also suggest through your actions that you DO have secrets that you will most definitely keep from them.
3. Do "silly" things that you KNOW will drive them nuts like dancing stupid at parties etc.
4. Smile knowingly at them when they are having a hissy fit over one of those "silly" things you do.
5. Never say what you really want but always hint at it in round about ways.

...and what will all this actually achieve?

One confounded and confused partner who will either laugh with you at this nonsense within your relationship or be so ticked off they'll leave you!

The trick is knowing just how far to go with this stuff - which, quite frankly, all couples do to each other sometimes - without breaking the camels back! ;)

Good luck

Monday, July 17, 2006

Trying to define unconditional love is like...

trying to define a spiral staircase to an alien who has never seen one!

I know! Not a great metaphor but the thought remains... just HOW does one define unconditional love in a world of conditional cause and effect?

Human beings are notoriously flawed at demonstrating love "without condition". We can't seem to do it easily, we all have our own needs that require fulfilment and understanding too! Don't we?

One thing is clear, being a doormat isn't unconditional love! Always acquiesing to another in order to prevent conflict or resolution to conflict isn't love at all but emotional blackmail.

Unconditional love means that one must also love oneself unconditionally too. Self-respect and confidence in ones equality to another person is just as important as not imposing unloving expectations on another. Where there is equality in a relationship, there is mutual respect and yes - even"unconditional" love.

But, I have to say that unconditional love isn't about conditions so much as boundaries. It's a framework that undergirds behaviours within a relationship.

The sheep is given this much pasture in which to roam freely. The fences, or boundaries are there to protect rather than constrain. They prevent the sheep from getting 1) lost and 2) from predation from outside. The conditions within this pasture are such that the sheep is free to do as the sheep wishes; free and yet bordered by that fence - that boundary - that condition of being a sheep!

There is however, unconditional freedom within those boundaries.

If anyone says that this is not unconditional love at all because of those very boundaries - then they misunderstand the nature of love! It is NOT unconditional love to allow a sheep (or a loved one) to choose to do something unwise such as get 1) lost or 2) be prey. This is not love but apathy.

In marriage there ARE boundaries to the unconditional love between a man and woman (or partners if you prefer :)). There is a defined fence of protection around the union which is measured by loving protection of that union and of each other. It is a 'condition' of marriage that the two people involved share the same pasture within these fences in an unconditionally loving way - free to be themselves but also together.

The question for many married couples is to determine just how big the pasture is in which they freely roam! From there they must negotiate just where those boundaries are exactly and what they mean. It is pointless for a marriage to work if the pasture in which the couple live and grow is too big - they will not meet and be together often. It is also pointless for a marriage to work if the pasture is too small where they live practically on top of each other with barely room to breathe.

Finding that happy balance to being both individuals and loving partners in marriage is the goal of most couples. The key to finding it is to negotiate those boundaries and be clear about how these conditions define the unconditional love within.

Confused? Yes! It is confusing for sure!

We must always remember though that unconditional love isn't love without condition - it is love with boundaries. We ALL want to feel safe in our relationships, protected, wanted, needed and desired. If we have no boundaries to our love then we do not have love - just lonliness and quite a lot of fear too. People react badly to that.

Love does not demand but it does protect.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Love and Passion.

Sometimes our drive to fulfil our passions can overwhelm; not just ourselves but those around us.

All people, everywhere, need to explore the full range and potential that exists within their dreams and pursue that which captures their heart. The essence of individual freedom is that people be allowed to explore these paths. The most inspiring ideas and creative pursuits are all tinged with the passionate zeal of their authors. Zeal, ardour and fervent belief in their potential to exist fuel many of the things we take for granted today.

When it comes to relationships however, passion must be bordered and contained within Love. Passion by itself is a bitter task-master fuelling the burning fire of personal desire. Blind passion is a double-edged sword, capricious and cruel, demanding and obesessive. Blind passion will consume others in its quest to be fulfilled. Blind passion is simply egocentric selfishness that destroys rather than creates.

Passion in conjunction with love is about honouring the other, not ones self. Passion for someone loved, is defined by what we desire that is of benefit to them. Selfish desire will mostly create a win-lose scenario. With love, passion becomes something else entirely. It fuels love, makes it alive, gives it wings and a healthy dose of wonder and joy for both people involved :) Love expressed passionately is not so much physical as spiritual and emotional in its expression. Passion inspired by genuine love is always win-win for everyone.

Love GIVES - it never demands or expects a return on "investment". Passion is a by-product of love kept in check by love itself.

Love and Passion are like weights on a scale. Love must always be checked in balance against passion for if the scales tip in passions favour - there is no love - just lust, avarice and greed. The irony is that if the scale is weighted in loves favour - passion still exists, fervently and resolutely.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

sweet joy returns

my mood of the past few long days has been less than savoury really.

Lots of fear, worry, sadness and distress making that furrowed crease in between my eyes more prounounced.

The reasons for "why" I was like this are many and not worth indulging here.

Safe to say that coherence of the heart, mind and soul is now budding again and I can feel sweet joy creeping back into this life I lead again.

That friends make all the difference to ones sense of perspective is the lesson I've learned out of this time.

I owe my friends a lot really. Never take your friends for granted - always treat them with care for they are too valuable to lose to ones sense of self-importance.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Softly into darkness goes...

this wayward heart that loves too much.

It will not break for it is made from the breath of life - not substance.

It will not die for it is made with the eternal, immutable essence of heaven.

It will however, change its spots and colour,

in that soft dark night of lonely ache and solitude,

then like a butterfly reborn,

become more beautiful and alive with wonder, magic, fire and wisdom

to alight on love yet again and again and again.

Monday, July 10, 2006


The following line was on a photographic poster that was hanging on the wall at the pub where we celebrated my nephew's Baptism over lunch last Sunday 2nd July.

I copied it into the notepad on my PDA and have read it often this past week. :) A quick search on the net assigns this quote to Michael Nolan

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those".


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Owned by my tribes and proud of it.

Yesterday I wrote briefly about "Ownership" of ones Self amidst ones "tribe".

I find myself constantly thinking about this subject at the moment.

Am I owned?

Do I allow myself to be "owned"?



You see! I'm gut-less and a complete wuss when it comes to being alone. Oh! I LOVE being "alone" for short stretches of time. I would dearly love to rent out my little family for a low price on occasion just to have the house to "myself" for a bit. :) At the very least it would be nice if it stayed tidy for more than 5 minutes!

But... seriously - that's just stuff n' nonsense talk really! Even though I need to have some "me" time alone by myself occasionally - the operative word here is OCCASIONALLY. I could not ever be by myself permanently!

I am not anywhere near the type to un-cohere myself from loved ones, close friends, family or home, hearth, community, town or country. Even my internet tribe is a trifle too important to me to consider separating myself from it anytime soon *blush*.

These tribes own me outright. Hook, line and sinker! I could not IMAGINE living anywhere else but where I do right now. I cannot imagine leaving my home permanently unless my closest and dearest tribe moved with me. I fit so comfortably within my tribes that I cannot foresee a time when I would need to make that struggle for freedom that the quote by Nietzsche implied.

I own my tribes and they own me. I'm comfortable with this arrangement right now in my life. I have not yet needed to assert some kind of personal freedom to escape these tribes because I do not feel overwhelmed by them.

That day COULD come but for the foreseeable future I think not. I don't want to fight to be free of these tribes I belong to right now. I am happy to be totally dependant on them and happy to contribute to them as required. I like being "owned" by my tribes. :)

Thing is I'm not being forced into making these choices. I freely choose to be completely owned by my tribes and that makes it resoundingly clear that I am still free enough that I own myself. :)

Saturday, July 08, 2006


"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often,and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high too pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Alexys over at Unraveling the Spiritual Mystique had the above quote in her blog today.

It got me thinking!

What's Nietzsche actually trying to say here?

I think he's talking about freedom and independance. Of being able to choose one's own destiny regardless of what everyone else is doing.

There is a dichotomy in this. On the one hand human beings have always had a instinctive desire to belong to the tribe; to be at one with others. We survive that way. Our emotional natures require that we live in close proximity to others of our kind who will nurture and sustain us.

On the other hand he's saying that we must at all costs maintain our individuality, our freedom to express our own unique natures. We must rebel when we are forced to be completely assimilated into a tribe that we have had no say in making.

And yet we can go mad from lonliness and fear when we are disconnected from the tribe that loves us.

There's a fine balance of individualism and coherence here that I find interesting and intriguing. Stubborn resistance to being made to belong whilst at the same time stubborn refusal to be ostracized too!

What a weird mob we are!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

To boldly organise my life...

"Whatever you can do
Or dream you can,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it .
Begin It Now."

(Quote attributed to Goethe)

I've wanted to be a Professional Organiser now for the past three years. I still haven't made the plunge entirely except for the odd occasional "workshop" where I've led a small number of people through some basic tips and tools for being more organised.

To be honest, my own organisational skills have been wanting lately. I'm a big officionado of Getting Things Done, but my poor PDA has been used spasmodically of late when last year my husband actually named it "The Love Machine" because I was staring into it constantly! hahaha *blush*

But now the vacuuming beckons, the doors could get a scubbing of those greasy fingerprints, the pantry still needs some more attention (it's half done being straightened), and the pile of papers and bills in my physical inbox, out there on the kitchen table, is begging for "processing" while I sit here and blog instead! :)

I took some time this year, initially for a personal journey through surgery which has since become not only life-changing but life-giving in many ways too. I have re-discovered the girl inside me again and it's been breath-taking to feel so alive and young at heart. I didn't realise just how "old" I'd become until now.

I have had a wonderful year this year. I've had TIME! Something which can be lacking in a Wife/Mother/Business persons life.

I've made new life-long friends. I've learned the name of my innate gift, my Genius. I've explored things I'd never dreamed I'd explore and I have started writing again after many years of writers drought! This year has been good to me so far.

But now I really do feel it's time I pulled up my socks and get back into my passion for "being organised" again. I love to feel that rhythm you know. Of having easy control over the stuff in my life! I love the feeling of being able to choose what I can and can't do without being rushed or hurried. I like that the filing cabinet is easy to find things in, I like that the menu is planned for the coming week and I can easily answer the kids questions "What's for tea tonight Mum?". I love grocery shopping early in the morning when there is hardly anyone in the supermarket and having the weeks shop done in under 30 minutes! Simple things that make my life so much more uncluttered.

That whole "Mind Like Water" thing that David from GTD speaks about is about simplicity and calm control. It's not some airy-fairy new age concept at all. Being in control of ones physical world opens up the creative world to incredible opportunities for expression and idea. I love that feeling. It's freeing and cathartic. When I'm in that state, it's not about "me" as such either, I'm actually more about what is going on outside of me and that can only be a good thing. That elusive beast called Happiness, comes to us when we aren't consumed by our Self I think!

I'm still reeling from yesterdays emotional rodeo ride though still. It's been a pretty emotional couple of days for me of late... no big reason why, just feel a little like an odd sock at the moment, like I'm missing my other half. It will turn up no doubt - eventually! Hopefully! :)

Writing helps - a lot - and I guess that's why my organisational things are on the back-burner for the time being. I'm constructing some kind of coherence for all that which has been missing in my life until now... through Story and Blog, trying to make these emotional/intellectual/spiritual things make sense and build some kind of meaning from them that will be of use to someone one day.

But I can also feel it's time to be organised again! To revel in a routine and a rhythm that makes me feel like I'm on top of things. And...I want to turn this passion into some kind of business too for those who need and want it. I want to help others construct some kind of coherence for their stuff too. Help them make simple decisions about what is worth keeping, worth doing, and what is just useless rubbish with no meaning or purpose! That is what I want to do.

Am I brave enough to do this?

Don't know yet... I shall have to "just do it" to answer that question! :)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

When thought plays tricks...

It happens you know!

One minute you're up in the clouds brimming with joy and tumultuous happiness and the next you're wondering if the world has given you up for a dry crust of bread and a bag of lonliness.

The brain plays tricks on our soul. What we think will last forever is as transient as mist. What we hope for often doesn't come to pass. What we live for can be as empty as old tin cans.


It's the moment isn't it? The instantaneous second of our being that is truth and reality explored? Yeah! Maybe! But the brain plays tricks on our beliefs.

Emotion is not in the heart - it's in the head. Emotion makes us think and act certain ways, makes us believe certain things, makes us do things and want things different from yesterday. Thing is...Emotion distorts what is and makes it bigger, smaller, less, more, wider, more impossible, less possible, and insanely NOT what we want or makes us insanely believe there is more to what is!

Emotion is a hall of mirrors and Thought walks through it every day.

We are all Emotion all the time. Rationality is an emotion too, along with happiness, lonliness, mirth and contentment. We aspire to the emotions we assume are "good" and berate and fear for ourselves when we are in the throws of those emotions we have labeled as "bad". We're supposed to believe that emotions are neither good nor bad - they just "Are". Perhaps!

Feeling! It IS bad! It isn't nice to feel lousy, undervalued, unappreciated, moody, hurt, sad, depressed, sullen, angry, or morose at all. It's no wonder we don't want these emotions to visit us! They SUCK! They really do!

Feeling wonderfully alive and happy is what we want. We kick ourselves for not feeling like this every moment - its human nature to do so. And so, we try hard to rationalise it too and reconstruct our thinking to be "positive" about feeling like shit!

It's what we think that makes us what we are! We can choose to think in positive ways but that takes training and a big dose of confidence too which is damned hard to find when Emotion is riding the raging bull of "F*** Off And Leave Me Alone!". One kind of has to concentrate to just stay in the saddle when Emotion wants to play that game so any thoughts of being positive or choosing another path toward "happiness" becomes kinda moot really.

The thing to remember, at least for me, is that what Emotion tells me and what I think about as a result ... may not be what actually is!

Same goes for the times when Emotion is way out there in La-La Happy Land! Somewhere there is a middle ground but Emotion has this habit of standing just either side of it.

So if I am being led to believe things that aren't necessarily true because I'm in that lousy state of "F.O.A.L.M.A.", or "Yay me! I'm so happy!", gently tell me I'm being an idiot and let me wallow in that mire only for as long as absolutely necessary to buck Emotion off the bull...shit!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Who listens.

It's interesting hearing the opinions of others about blogs and blogging.
Some love the whole concept and actively and passionately embrace the blogging world with gusto, wringing enjoyment from dozens of different authors ideas and perceptions.

Others again are more selective and find a voice or two who they enjoy and admire and follow them devotedly for as long as they find them interesting.

There are those who are new to the blogging world and approach it cautiously and tentatively, only seeking out the blogs of known friends and family.

Who ever these people are, they are the audience. What they want from a blog is likely to be a difficult question to answer.

The most difficult audience for the blogger is, I believe, one's own family. These people know you so well in meatspace that whatever you say in cyberspace may not make that much sense to them.

That's okay - the stuff we sometimes say in a blog isn't always the same kind of stuff we talk about casually over a meal together. Blogging has this kind of 'Deep Thought' aspect about it that is rarely explored in meatspace.

So when family tease, goad, laugh and jest about what you say in your blog - smile sweetly and enjoy the fact that they looked inside your head but never got it.

If they DO get it and say so - then give them a big hug and some appreciative thanks!

In my experience that latter one is really rare coming from one's family! :)