Saturday, March 18, 2006

First... the book

I've been working on the stuff in this VERY inspirational book by Dick Richards.

It's hard!

I hate hard!

I like everything to go with easy equanmity and flow.

I've been like a dog with a bone these past few days trying desperately to cotton onto the name of my "genius".

Now this genius isn't anything to do with how big my I.Q. is! Heaven knows - the numbers on that are in the bottom end of the embarrassing range. But it does say everything about the unique gift I bring to the world. It's something deep inside the core of me to which I attend with solicitous care even though I don't quite yet know what it is. It's the gift I bring to the world and whilst it gives me the greatest joy and success when it's working, it's also there to bring the most bounty to the world at large. It's the magnet to everything I've ever done and will do. It's the seed at the core of my apple of life!

Now, I KNOW I should be just sitting back and letting all my research of these past few days sit idle in my brain like an abandoned yellow pages and just let my subconscious do the walking, but it's so danged hard to just leave it be.

The mere fact that this stuff deals in WORDS, let alone with character and soul is enough to attract me like a moth to a flame.

I can't sleep properly because my dreams are not pictures anymore, they've become endless, scrolling lists of words. This is totally surreal as I've never really dreamt in words before. I usually have a whole movie playing in my sleep rather than an audio tape.

I need somewhere to record my journey, hence this blog. I'll keep it up for as long as I need to debrief.

I have written more words these past few days than I've written in a year. I'm loving that part. I have always written to debrief my heart. Writing seems to be the most careful - and carefree - way in which to unveil the frustrations of the soul.

I have a looooong list of words. Just when I think I might have nailed my genius down, it slips away into the ether. It's like that paper bag dancing on zephyrs in the film American Beauty , mesmerising and hypnotic and totally elusive!

Every now and again you'll notice two isolated words, sometimes three, inserted out of the blue within these musings. These words will be my attempts to name my genius. If I remember each time, I'll highlight them in green - I love green! :) Green is so hopeful and alive! :)

Untangling Knots


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