An interesting experience today.
I used the new voice viewer in Second life with Martin.
Now we have been talking in text chat and on rare occasions in voice in our usual Instant Message application for close on 18 months now.
Voice was always hard to achieve as it had that "all-or-nothing" quality to it. It wasn't that it didn't work...it just took a lot of intense concentration especially on Martins side of things.
But with Secondlife, it seems to be different.
In Secondlife, voice chat seems more natural somehow as we are DOING stuff other than just talking. It's like being in a room together and one person is doing their thing and you are doing yours but you can still talk if and when you want or need to. The focus is not as intense. It's quite liberating really. It means that for once we are not focused on the conversation so much but rather on natural friendship. We are not having to think hard about how we write things when trying to establish meaning and context. Instead, we are moving in and out of conversation in an ordinary way such as would be found between friends in every day life. The feedback we receive and give is more immediate and easier to understand and grasp.
This is in direct contrast to my experience with using text chat for the first time with my daughter the other day. Just as text chat revealed a new kind of relating to my daughter...so has voice in Secondlife revealed a new kind of relating to Martin. It's the same but "different" in that the focus is different in both experiences.
With my daughter, I've taken for granted the face to face conversational aspect of our relationship. We just ...talk! When I spoke to her in text that time...it highlighted aspects of her character I don't get to see so often in normal voice conversations. The focus however was more direct than usual. I was "tied" to that conversation because it was new for me. I also had to concentrate more about how I said things in words than I might have if I'd spoken them.
In the past, the level of focus in voice conversations with Martin was like this...we felt "tied" to the conversation rather than the relationship. With Secondlife, that has shifted and we can talk more freely and naturally because its more about the relationship and the friendship in that space.
I have had a strong impression of what I believed his character to be from text chat but now its being fleshed out (so to speak) by the difference in focus in using our voices to talk rather than constructing sentences in words.
None of this is better or worse than the other...its just an observation on the quality of focus required in talking to people in different ways.
Focus is the key here. It's not about how good the conversation is or isn't and nor is it about what the converstation is about or how its conducted; the point here is that in ANY type of conversation it is the kind of focus required to engage oneself within the relationship that becomes important.
There are times when either form of communication, text or voice, will demand a high level of focus - concentration - because its important to do that. Generally though, the intensity of focus in a chat application, both text and voice, seems higher than in natural conversation in "ordinary" life settings.
Using voice in our usual IM application was too focused for us...we were tied TO the conversation in voice rather than the relationship behind it. So we naturally opted for the slightly lesser focus of text chat as it took the focus from the conversation itself to our relationship, our friendship.
In Secondlife, using voice is less intense than using the text tools as we have more freedom to do things simulutaneously while we are conversing. It has an entirely different style of focus to it.
I was hestitant about using Voice in Secondlife and I still am to some extent. I know Martin reasonably well from our long year of regular - albeit text based - communications, so I trust him to use the SL voice client appropriately. I will probably be very shy though about seeking to voice chat with people I hardly know at all. That's just not my style.
Secondlife is a real playground. It's a theatre, a stage, a confidence tricksters delight. It's also got relational politics, angst, love, history joy, sorrow, stalking, winking, sex, fashion, travel, sights, beauty, ugliness, wonders, and marvels. It's not like Real Life but its definitely representative of EVERYTHING you can find in Real Life. For this reason you take nothing inworld very seriously and assume that everyone inworld is taking you very seriously indeed.
Voice in Secondlife is voluntary. Just as you can chose not to talk to a stranger you "meet" in the street in real life....so you can in Secondlife. Just as you make new friends through conversations in real life, so you can in Secondlife. Its not that these things are different as such...its just that they're not quite the same ;)
The thing I am finding fascinating is the dimension of Focus required at each of these layers of relationship. It's really interesting stuff to me.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
My current mood sees me...
musing on how far I've travelled this past two years.
Not travelling in the sense of physical destinations but travelling in the sense of emotion and spirit.
I have travelled very very far. The "me" I was two years ago is a very different me from the one I feel I am now. I am not sure if I present a different persona of myself to the people around me but I definitely sense that I have changed significantly these past two long years.
I can't pin down a time when I began this journey in earnest but I know its been a long and winding road since October of 2005.
Life has slowed down and sped up. It has harboured amazing joys and incredible love and devastating lows and irksome duties to perform. In all this time thus far (I don't know when this journey will end either)... I have changed spots on some things and grown some in others.
I've morphed.
Into what only others could say really but from my introspection, I am suggesting the following as possible new spots in my ever-evolving make-up as the construct "mitch".
i - I am more inclined to breathe when stressed. I still stress out and panic about little things a lot but I am learning/have learned to let things go more and just let time heal it. It's never as bad as we think its going to be.
ii - I lost weight. Not just a little but a lot of weight. Pragmatic and obvious I guess (I have lost over 20kg since I started writing this blog). Spiritually I've also unburdened a lot of weight. The spiritual weight of judgemental attitudes and fixed ideas about things. I'm more open to stuff now, more willing to accept what others believe as their right to believe it even if I don't. I still pray for people of course but I don't try to preach anymore if its possible. I was always a little too preachy and I apologise to my God first and to you second if you copped an earful from me about the Paths of Righteousness. I figure witness is more about the life we live not the life we tell. I am a poor witness anyway and always have been but thank God he works in ways I never expect or know. I'm also learning to accept that NOTHING is impossible just that it happens when its the right time for it to happen not when I have it "scheduled" into my own hidden agenda.
I only thought I had a glass half full way of thinking about things and its natural for me to be like that on occasion but now days I see things from a fundamentally different perspective. Life isn't a line..its a circle... infinite and possible in ways we can barely begin to imagine. There are times when it seems glass half full and times when it seems glass half empty. Its not our job to try to make life happen as it "should", it is our job to make life happen as it can. So, I let myself imagine more and listen to the reassuring voice rather than the egocentric cynical one whenever I can.
iii - I am learning to accept that nothing and no one can make me happy in and of themselves/itself. Happiness is a transient in-the-moment thing. Happiness is what you make of your NOW not something you can achieve through the pursuit of it. Happiness arrives like a butterfly on your shoulder. If you attempt to capture happiness in anything you may be sorely disappointed.
Happiness is a gift and a treasure akin to food. You don't sit a cake on a table and just leave it ...you, and hopefully others, partake of it and enjoy it in the now. You may be able to save some for later but eventually the cake will be consumed or tossed out - it cannot last if its to be appreciated properly.
Chasing happiness is wasted effort. Let it go and come to you and RECOGNISE IT when it arrives...THAT is the key to understanding happiness.
iv - I am slowly slowly slowly learning to be more patient. I have learned that I was never the contented type at all. I have been restless all my life. On the surface, I may appear to be slothful and lazy sometimes but in reality I discovered that for me I am the eternally restless soul ever seeking the new experience, the new thing to try, the new friend, the new idea. I don't toss out old things easily but I do embrace new things very easily. I am actually rarely content with life in the now. Mine is a energy spirit seeking to explore and try life. As i get older, I may have lessons to learn in this area perhaps. I adore being home...sometimes for very long periods of time but home is a transient thing...its more spiritual than material in concept for me. I may have to learn to just be content that this is the way I am... Restless, Movable, Shift, Change, Experimental and Innovation.
v - I write more and i am beginning to accept finally that perhaps I have a gift afterall. For a long time I have treated my flair with words with disdain. I never ever believed I was a "good" writer. Even now, I still struggle to accept that I have ability in this craft. I harbour lots of secret desires to write stories of all kinds but when push comes to shove, I only ever write when I am in the frame of mind to write. To force me to write would dry up my well of creative thought like the sun. I write to tell the thoughts of my soul I cannot speak with my voice. I write to make the pressure come down inside of me. I write to teach and to learn. I write because its the easiest method of communication I have available to me.
Whenever someone tells me they enjoy my "Writing", i say a simple "Thankyou" and smile but internally I am often sceptical and think that maybe they are just being nice because they either know me or they don't want to be rude. I am learning to accept that perhaps my ability to write is my true voice in the world and therefore my greatest gift I can give to the world. I am a writer.
vi - I am learning to be self confident. I make excuses for all sorts of things and especially for my being here on this planet. I say sorry for no reason a lot and I bend to the will of those I percieve as being more "powerful" than myself. This has changed. I will not be bullied into thinking I am not worth it. I am worth it. It hasn't been christian "humility" i thought I was demonstrating, its been small me thinking. I am not small. I am what I am. No excuses.
So that's where I am at today, musing on how far I've travelled on the journey of being human these past couple of years. I have done things and thought things, wrote things I would never have considered a mere 5 years ago. Life changes. Life IS change. I change. I'll keep changing.
its all good :)
Not travelling in the sense of physical destinations but travelling in the sense of emotion and spirit.
I have travelled very very far. The "me" I was two years ago is a very different me from the one I feel I am now. I am not sure if I present a different persona of myself to the people around me but I definitely sense that I have changed significantly these past two long years.
I can't pin down a time when I began this journey in earnest but I know its been a long and winding road since October of 2005.
Life has slowed down and sped up. It has harboured amazing joys and incredible love and devastating lows and irksome duties to perform. In all this time thus far (I don't know when this journey will end either)... I have changed spots on some things and grown some in others.
I've morphed.
Into what only others could say really but from my introspection, I am suggesting the following as possible new spots in my ever-evolving make-up as the construct "mitch".
i - I am more inclined to breathe when stressed. I still stress out and panic about little things a lot but I am learning/have learned to let things go more and just let time heal it. It's never as bad as we think its going to be.
ii - I lost weight. Not just a little but a lot of weight. Pragmatic and obvious I guess (I have lost over 20kg since I started writing this blog). Spiritually I've also unburdened a lot of weight. The spiritual weight of judgemental attitudes and fixed ideas about things. I'm more open to stuff now, more willing to accept what others believe as their right to believe it even if I don't. I still pray for people of course but I don't try to preach anymore if its possible. I was always a little too preachy and I apologise to my God first and to you second if you copped an earful from me about the Paths of Righteousness. I figure witness is more about the life we live not the life we tell. I am a poor witness anyway and always have been but thank God he works in ways I never expect or know. I'm also learning to accept that NOTHING is impossible just that it happens when its the right time for it to happen not when I have it "scheduled" into my own hidden agenda.
I only thought I had a glass half full way of thinking about things and its natural for me to be like that on occasion but now days I see things from a fundamentally different perspective. Life isn't a line..its a circle... infinite and possible in ways we can barely begin to imagine. There are times when it seems glass half full and times when it seems glass half empty. Its not our job to try to make life happen as it "should", it is our job to make life happen as it can. So, I let myself imagine more and listen to the reassuring voice rather than the egocentric cynical one whenever I can.
iii - I am learning to accept that nothing and no one can make me happy in and of themselves/itself. Happiness is a transient in-the-moment thing. Happiness is what you make of your NOW not something you can achieve through the pursuit of it. Happiness arrives like a butterfly on your shoulder. If you attempt to capture happiness in anything you may be sorely disappointed.
Happiness is a gift and a treasure akin to food. You don't sit a cake on a table and just leave it ...you, and hopefully others, partake of it and enjoy it in the now. You may be able to save some for later but eventually the cake will be consumed or tossed out - it cannot last if its to be appreciated properly.
Chasing happiness is wasted effort. Let it go and come to you and RECOGNISE IT when it arrives...THAT is the key to understanding happiness.
iv - I am slowly slowly slowly learning to be more patient. I have learned that I was never the contented type at all. I have been restless all my life. On the surface, I may appear to be slothful and lazy sometimes but in reality I discovered that for me I am the eternally restless soul ever seeking the new experience, the new thing to try, the new friend, the new idea. I don't toss out old things easily but I do embrace new things very easily. I am actually rarely content with life in the now. Mine is a energy spirit seeking to explore and try life. As i get older, I may have lessons to learn in this area perhaps. I adore being home...sometimes for very long periods of time but home is a transient thing...its more spiritual than material in concept for me. I may have to learn to just be content that this is the way I am... Restless, Movable, Shift, Change, Experimental and Innovation.
v - I write more and i am beginning to accept finally that perhaps I have a gift afterall. For a long time I have treated my flair with words with disdain. I never ever believed I was a "good" writer. Even now, I still struggle to accept that I have ability in this craft. I harbour lots of secret desires to write stories of all kinds but when push comes to shove, I only ever write when I am in the frame of mind to write. To force me to write would dry up my well of creative thought like the sun. I write to tell the thoughts of my soul I cannot speak with my voice. I write to make the pressure come down inside of me. I write to teach and to learn. I write because its the easiest method of communication I have available to me.
Whenever someone tells me they enjoy my "Writing", i say a simple "Thankyou" and smile but internally I am often sceptical and think that maybe they are just being nice because they either know me or they don't want to be rude. I am learning to accept that perhaps my ability to write is my true voice in the world and therefore my greatest gift I can give to the world. I am a writer.
vi - I am learning to be self confident. I make excuses for all sorts of things and especially for my being here on this planet. I say sorry for no reason a lot and I bend to the will of those I percieve as being more "powerful" than myself. This has changed. I will not be bullied into thinking I am not worth it. I am worth it. It hasn't been christian "humility" i thought I was demonstrating, its been small me thinking. I am not small. I am what I am. No excuses.
So that's where I am at today, musing on how far I've travelled on the journey of being human these past couple of years. I have done things and thought things, wrote things I would never have considered a mere 5 years ago. Life changes. Life IS change. I change. I'll keep changing.
its all good :)
Monday, July 30, 2007
facets of a mind exposed
I had this rather surreal experience last night.
My daughter added me to her skype account. That sounds fairly mundane but while I was in the kitchen on Preciousss (my macbook)...she was here in the lounge on Uni1 (the windoze machine), and we "talked" together in text for the very first time.
It was weird.
I've known my daughter for all her 15 years of life. At least I thought I did. Our pattern of conversation and communication has been set in that time and we have become used to our method of relating together as mother and daughter.
Text chat exposed me to her wit and intelligence like no other form of communication has thus far. For the first time I felt like I was communicating not with my "child" but with a new "friend"...a person of maturity and wisdom. If we had met online as strangers I would have assumed this girl was much older than I know she actually is.
Where will this new avenue of communication take us both I wonder? It will be interesting to (re?) discover my daughters mind in time as we talk through the strange and unique method of text-based chat. Perhaps I won't so much find a new version of my daughter but a new friend as well :) That'll be very cool.
addendum: Reading back this post a bit later on...I realised I hadn't mentioned that I don't condone using text chat as a primary method of communication if you actually live with someone under the same roof. Hahahaha! It goes without saying doesn't it? That communication using ones voice, eyes, body and spirit is by far a more intimate and effective way of telling others our thoughts and feelings. Hmmm? I don't know but put it this way... my daughter and i aren't about to stop actually talking to each other like mothers and daughters generally do. Text chat is just another method of communicating that will add to our lives not detract from it.
My daughter added me to her skype account. That sounds fairly mundane but while I was in the kitchen on Preciousss (my macbook)...she was here in the lounge on Uni1 (the windoze machine), and we "talked" together in text for the very first time.
It was weird.
I've known my daughter for all her 15 years of life. At least I thought I did. Our pattern of conversation and communication has been set in that time and we have become used to our method of relating together as mother and daughter.
Text chat exposed me to her wit and intelligence like no other form of communication has thus far. For the first time I felt like I was communicating not with my "child" but with a new "friend"...a person of maturity and wisdom. If we had met online as strangers I would have assumed this girl was much older than I know she actually is.
Where will this new avenue of communication take us both I wonder? It will be interesting to (re?) discover my daughters mind in time as we talk through the strange and unique method of text-based chat. Perhaps I won't so much find a new version of my daughter but a new friend as well :) That'll be very cool.
addendum: Reading back this post a bit later on...I realised I hadn't mentioned that I don't condone using text chat as a primary method of communication if you actually live with someone under the same roof. Hahahaha! It goes without saying doesn't it? That communication using ones voice, eyes, body and spirit is by far a more intimate and effective way of telling others our thoughts and feelings. Hmmm? I don't know but put it this way... my daughter and i aren't about to stop actually talking to each other like mothers and daughters generally do. Text chat is just another method of communicating that will add to our lives not detract from it.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
the aching decision
We are currently going through Mama's personal effects.
It's HARD.
Only 24 hours ago I really didn't want much at all. Seriously nothing if truth be told. We just had a garage sale to get rid of a pile of our stuff and now here were people foisting...demanding even... that I gather up Mama's abandoned stuff like the proverbial pirate. I hate the process.
I have come to a point in my life where I want to pare back and minimise my attachment to things. I have other things to worry about and surrounding myself with piles of stuff isn't in that agenda anymore. I want to be unshackled from having to mind the stuff in my life. I still like stuff...but I want only what I really need and love now. I don't want to be the keeper of things in trust for an elusive moment in the future when someone else "in the family" may want it or love it. If I can't love it or use it now...its NOT valuable! Not to me anyway.
Mama meant a lot to me as a person. She was of great age. She has a lot of very old, very attractive stuff. But do I really NEED all that in my home and life? Will her grandchildren ever feel the pangs of sentimental attachment to these things we have acquired because they belonged to a memory - to their history?
I had to process my feelings a lot about this last couple of days. It's been really hard to come to terms with the family's insistence that we remember Marion through her stuff. Family heirlooms I guess are valuable to the decendant generations for about 100 years...after that it can get really complicated as to the history of the items and the value the decendants place on that history waxes and wanes like the moon. It's JUST STUFF in the end.
Therein lies my own dilemma. Whilst I want our kids to remember with great fondness their beloved Mama... they are not really interested in keeping great hoards of her stuff right now. That feeling may change in them in time though so I guess its important that hubby and I do select some things that were of value to mama in her day so that when our kids do want to remember where they came from, we have items that may (or may not) become valuable to them by that association.
It's just sooooo hard for me to do.
Hubby has collected a few things that are quite utilitarian and practical which I applaud. I am totally happy to use good quality well-built kitchen tables, and easy-to-clean salad tongs. Those things we can use. But as for the beautiful pieces of fine china, the exquisite crystal bowls with no real "use" other than they were Mama's and are quite pretty.... I dunno. I struggle. Much of this type of thing can't be displayed easily in our home and subsequently will be wrapped and locked away for years until they are checked, re-wrapped, and re-locked away again. It just seems so pointless and a waste. If these items were out and about and could be used and appreciated with their inherent purpose within them utilized, then the attachment our kids would have to them would naturally grow by long association with family and memories of good times past. But, as it stands now, they must languish in tissue paper and cardboard in a dark cupboard. Such a waste.
There is no USE in stuff without a purpose. Even if each item over and above what I actually needed were made of gold and silver, or embedded with precious stones, if it can't have a useful purpose, then its not really that valuable as a piece to remember my beloved Mother-in-Law by. It might as well be sold to someone who does see value and a purpose in it!
I guess I sound really callous and hard-nosed about this process. I do like stuff. I'm not suggesting I don't. What I do question is my inclination to want or need stuff that really has no value or meaning AT THIS TIME to me or my family. I don't need a lot to remember Marion by. I have inside my heart and mind, wonderful memories of her and yes I have chosen a few lovely things that I associate with her, which I will use and enjoy with great pleasure. I just don't want a lot of stuff with no meaning cluttering up our home just because of some familial concept of generational keepership for a distant future!
It's just stuff.
It's HARD.
Only 24 hours ago I really didn't want much at all. Seriously nothing if truth be told. We just had a garage sale to get rid of a pile of our stuff and now here were people foisting...demanding even... that I gather up Mama's abandoned stuff like the proverbial pirate. I hate the process.
I have come to a point in my life where I want to pare back and minimise my attachment to things. I have other things to worry about and surrounding myself with piles of stuff isn't in that agenda anymore. I want to be unshackled from having to mind the stuff in my life. I still like stuff...but I want only what I really need and love now. I don't want to be the keeper of things in trust for an elusive moment in the future when someone else "in the family" may want it or love it. If I can't love it or use it now...its NOT valuable! Not to me anyway.
Mama meant a lot to me as a person. She was of great age. She has a lot of very old, very attractive stuff. But do I really NEED all that in my home and life? Will her grandchildren ever feel the pangs of sentimental attachment to these things we have acquired because they belonged to a memory - to their history?
I had to process my feelings a lot about this last couple of days. It's been really hard to come to terms with the family's insistence that we remember Marion through her stuff. Family heirlooms I guess are valuable to the decendant generations for about 100 years...after that it can get really complicated as to the history of the items and the value the decendants place on that history waxes and wanes like the moon. It's JUST STUFF in the end.
Therein lies my own dilemma. Whilst I want our kids to remember with great fondness their beloved Mama... they are not really interested in keeping great hoards of her stuff right now. That feeling may change in them in time though so I guess its important that hubby and I do select some things that were of value to mama in her day so that when our kids do want to remember where they came from, we have items that may (or may not) become valuable to them by that association.
It's just sooooo hard for me to do.
Hubby has collected a few things that are quite utilitarian and practical which I applaud. I am totally happy to use good quality well-built kitchen tables, and easy-to-clean salad tongs. Those things we can use. But as for the beautiful pieces of fine china, the exquisite crystal bowls with no real "use" other than they were Mama's and are quite pretty.... I dunno. I struggle. Much of this type of thing can't be displayed easily in our home and subsequently will be wrapped and locked away for years until they are checked, re-wrapped, and re-locked away again. It just seems so pointless and a waste. If these items were out and about and could be used and appreciated with their inherent purpose within them utilized, then the attachment our kids would have to them would naturally grow by long association with family and memories of good times past. But, as it stands now, they must languish in tissue paper and cardboard in a dark cupboard. Such a waste.
There is no USE in stuff without a purpose. Even if each item over and above what I actually needed were made of gold and silver, or embedded with precious stones, if it can't have a useful purpose, then its not really that valuable as a piece to remember my beloved Mother-in-Law by. It might as well be sold to someone who does see value and a purpose in it!
I guess I sound really callous and hard-nosed about this process. I do like stuff. I'm not suggesting I don't. What I do question is my inclination to want or need stuff that really has no value or meaning AT THIS TIME to me or my family. I don't need a lot to remember Marion by. I have inside my heart and mind, wonderful memories of her and yes I have chosen a few lovely things that I associate with her, which I will use and enjoy with great pleasure. I just don't want a lot of stuff with no meaning cluttering up our home just because of some familial concept of generational keepership for a distant future!
It's just stuff.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
death is for the living
Mama passed away today 19th July 2007 at 4:20pm Eastern Standard Time.
I was not there to see her final breath.
I saw her lying in her death though; her face shrunk around the bones of her cheeks forehead and chin. Death is unbecoming to those who die in their old age. It isn't a pretty thing.
It is those we love and who remain alive after us; It is for them that death holds its greatest gift. In death we move on ....somewhere. (Perhaps.... who knows really in the end what the truth of that really is. As for me, my faith says it knows where she is :) And it is Good.). But in life, its those who are left to move on into the future - without the one who has died - that grow. In or out growth? It doesn't matter, it is still growth.
Marion Ruby Pitman left a massive legacy of love, humour and service to her fellow kind. She will be fondly remembered by many for years to come as a gracious and kind lady who gave of her time and resources in caring for others.
That is her gift to us. Memories of the things she did and shared amongst us; the changes she wrought in each of us through the impact of her life. Her death focuses our attention on these gifts and rewards us with a sweet and gentle imposition of her heart and soul, her spirit and her faith and how they've impacted on our own lives over the years. No one can underestimate the impact of a life on the future.
Therein lies the secret to immortality. When we live our lives in humility and grace, when we share ourselves openly with candour and compassion, when we grasp not for what is seen and held but for what is felt and understood - that is when we are immortalised in the love of those around us. They carry with them, into the future, the memory of our being and we are not easily forgotten when we are loved so well as this.
Death is not a punishment for the dead, but a gift for the living. It breathes new heart and focus into life so we might live it all the more abundantly. We shall miss Mama for sure - especially her cooking :). I for one am glad that I became a member of her family for she has brought me nothing but endless joy and blessed service over the years.
Thankyou God for the life of Marion Pitman.
I was not there to see her final breath.
I saw her lying in her death though; her face shrunk around the bones of her cheeks forehead and chin. Death is unbecoming to those who die in their old age. It isn't a pretty thing.
It is those we love and who remain alive after us; It is for them that death holds its greatest gift. In death we move on ....somewhere. (Perhaps.... who knows really in the end what the truth of that really is. As for me, my faith says it knows where she is :) And it is Good.). But in life, its those who are left to move on into the future - without the one who has died - that grow. In or out growth? It doesn't matter, it is still growth.
Marion Ruby Pitman left a massive legacy of love, humour and service to her fellow kind. She will be fondly remembered by many for years to come as a gracious and kind lady who gave of her time and resources in caring for others.
That is her gift to us. Memories of the things she did and shared amongst us; the changes she wrought in each of us through the impact of her life. Her death focuses our attention on these gifts and rewards us with a sweet and gentle imposition of her heart and soul, her spirit and her faith and how they've impacted on our own lives over the years. No one can underestimate the impact of a life on the future.
Therein lies the secret to immortality. When we live our lives in humility and grace, when we share ourselves openly with candour and compassion, when we grasp not for what is seen and held but for what is felt and understood - that is when we are immortalised in the love of those around us. They carry with them, into the future, the memory of our being and we are not easily forgotten when we are loved so well as this.
Death is not a punishment for the dead, but a gift for the living. It breathes new heart and focus into life so we might live it all the more abundantly. We shall miss Mama for sure - especially her cooking :). I for one am glad that I became a member of her family for she has brought me nothing but endless joy and blessed service over the years.
Thankyou God for the life of Marion Pitman.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Garage Sale
We are in the middle of having our very first garage sale here. I am sitting in our driveway after the initial rush and will just wait it out now until its "closing" time in about two hours.
We kept it very quiet about where our garage sale was going to be and we didn't advertise it until it was right on opening time. It was AMAZING the number of people that were cruising our street waiting for it to open. And as soon as I gave the nod they quite literally ran down our driveway to the tables!
It was like the Boxing Day Myer Stocktake sale!!! Wow! People everywhere hovering around the tables like hungry hyenas.
We have sold a bit of stuff but not nearly as much as I'd hoped of course. It appears there will be some trips to the charity stores in the morning to part with the rest.
I'm not really one for attending garage sales. Mainly because I like to DE-clutter rather than find space for even more stuff. I have this love/hate relationship with stuff. I "like" stuff but on my terms. So long as it has somewhere to "live" in my home and life it's okay to stay. But once it has outlived its usefulness or purpose then it MUST go and it drives me nuts if it doesn't go quickly. I can be patient of course but only for so long.
For many years now I've sent much of our surplus unwanted items to charity houses and been very happy to part with it that way. I shall continue to do that I think. There is a lot I've learned today about holding a garage sale and some of it is not all that pleasant. You need a lot of people power support and a strong will to survive the very determined efforts of others to get "a lot of stuff for nothing" etc etc.
It's actually less stressful to me to just donate it silently and anonymously. Stuff I have here that I "thought" would sell in a snap has not and stuff I thought was "trash" has walked out on wings. Amazing!
My feet are deathly cold sitting here though. That may be the biggest sacrifice to this event in the end. Trying to warm up my extremely cold feet once everything is packed up ready for donation tomorrow morning.
:) Life goes on and hopefully with less stuff attached! Hahahahaha!
We kept it very quiet about where our garage sale was going to be and we didn't advertise it until it was right on opening time. It was AMAZING the number of people that were cruising our street waiting for it to open. And as soon as I gave the nod they quite literally ran down our driveway to the tables!
It was like the Boxing Day Myer Stocktake sale!!! Wow! People everywhere hovering around the tables like hungry hyenas.
We have sold a bit of stuff but not nearly as much as I'd hoped of course. It appears there will be some trips to the charity stores in the morning to part with the rest.
I'm not really one for attending garage sales. Mainly because I like to DE-clutter rather than find space for even more stuff. I have this love/hate relationship with stuff. I "like" stuff but on my terms. So long as it has somewhere to "live" in my home and life it's okay to stay. But once it has outlived its usefulness or purpose then it MUST go and it drives me nuts if it doesn't go quickly. I can be patient of course but only for so long.
For many years now I've sent much of our surplus unwanted items to charity houses and been very happy to part with it that way. I shall continue to do that I think. There is a lot I've learned today about holding a garage sale and some of it is not all that pleasant. You need a lot of people power support and a strong will to survive the very determined efforts of others to get "a lot of stuff for nothing" etc etc.
It's actually less stressful to me to just donate it silently and anonymously. Stuff I have here that I "thought" would sell in a snap has not and stuff I thought was "trash" has walked out on wings. Amazing!
My feet are deathly cold sitting here though. That may be the biggest sacrifice to this event in the end. Trying to warm up my extremely cold feet once everything is packed up ready for donation tomorrow morning.
:) Life goes on and hopefully with less stuff attached! Hahahahaha!
Friday, July 13, 2007
chemical aftertaste
I had my first can of cola today for .... I think it must be around 3 months now.
I HAD been addicted to cola drinks for the past year or so opting not for the diet versions of these drinks but for the "Full leaded" versions thereof.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went cold turkey on drinking cola and other soft drinks. I basically detoxed my system by eating no wheat, dairy or "empty" carbohydrates for about a month. I lost a fair bit of weight in the process but what interested me today was my reaction to having my first taste of a diet cola drink after going through such a process.
The chemicals in the diet version of this particularly well-known brand of cola, were obvious to my tastebuds. It was not really a pleasant experience and I confess to leaving the can more or less on the bench for quite some time getting warmer by the hour :) I occasionally had a sip from it but those sips never satisfied and nor did they make me feel "good". In fact, I actually felt a little off-colour after a particularly bigger gulp than normal. I've never drunk diesel fuel, but to my thinking it couldn't be much worse than the taste of that can of cola really. That's how bad the aftertaste seemed to me. I ended up tipping a good two thirds of the can down the drain at the end of my working day.
The up-shot of this is that I have now learned that cola drinks are really not that much fun anymore. Not for me anyway. Perhaps if I try a fully leaded version, I might think differently but right now I couldn't think of anything worse. My tastes have perhaps changed. We shall see in time. Very old, long term habits of a life-time are difficult to break and cola addiction is not much different to nicotine addiction in that sense I suppose.
Right now, I feel like I need a total detox in my body again. It feels unloved, unfed and decidedly dehydrated! My poor tongue feels like it has been licking sandpaper too for the day which is an unexpected side-effect.
Back to the water bottle and the vegie stirfries for me thanks :)
I HAD been addicted to cola drinks for the past year or so opting not for the diet versions of these drinks but for the "Full leaded" versions thereof.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went cold turkey on drinking cola and other soft drinks. I basically detoxed my system by eating no wheat, dairy or "empty" carbohydrates for about a month. I lost a fair bit of weight in the process but what interested me today was my reaction to having my first taste of a diet cola drink after going through such a process.
The chemicals in the diet version of this particularly well-known brand of cola, were obvious to my tastebuds. It was not really a pleasant experience and I confess to leaving the can more or less on the bench for quite some time getting warmer by the hour :) I occasionally had a sip from it but those sips never satisfied and nor did they make me feel "good". In fact, I actually felt a little off-colour after a particularly bigger gulp than normal. I've never drunk diesel fuel, but to my thinking it couldn't be much worse than the taste of that can of cola really. That's how bad the aftertaste seemed to me. I ended up tipping a good two thirds of the can down the drain at the end of my working day.
The up-shot of this is that I have now learned that cola drinks are really not that much fun anymore. Not for me anyway. Perhaps if I try a fully leaded version, I might think differently but right now I couldn't think of anything worse. My tastes have perhaps changed. We shall see in time. Very old, long term habits of a life-time are difficult to break and cola addiction is not much different to nicotine addiction in that sense I suppose.
Right now, I feel like I need a total detox in my body again. It feels unloved, unfed and decidedly dehydrated! My poor tongue feels like it has been licking sandpaper too for the day which is an unexpected side-effect.
Back to the water bottle and the vegie stirfries for me thanks :)
Sunday, July 08, 2007
the things I need to learn
What today has taught me.... (especially having seen the movie Eragon which has touched me quite significantly for many reasons)
One: To stop and listen more to the reasoned experience of others
Two: To not panic so quickly but to stop and listen more to the reasoned experience of others
Three: To accept calmly the moment as it comes and not fight it so much. To stand inside that moment rather than stab at it with unreasoned intentions and thoughtless action.
Four: To LISTEN to the people who love me and want to actually help me instead of assuming they are just telling me what to do.
Five: To let love over-rule everything else and not my ego or my pride.
I am given to reactive behaviours in stressful situations. I tend to "try" and make decisions quickly assuming that these decisions that I make are for the benefit of everyone around me. I have learned today that it may not always be the case. What I assume are reasonable decisions- borne out reactions to trying situations - can in fact, make the situation worse not better. Sometimes it is better to let life slow down and even stop before reacting. To let time not spin by so but to let it stall and just allow myself to "be" inside that moment for a minute or two, with a quiet attitude of observance and waiting.
You see I have a dragon too like Eragon.
My dragon chose me out of everyone else to be his rider. He is older than time and younger than me. His experience and wisdom are evident in how he handles difficult things. He knows exactly, the panic and burden of fear within my heart when i do not know what I should do...but he has also learned how to manage that fear and panic and now he is teaching me what he has known for a long, long time.
It's hard for me to learn. I hate and detest being told what to do...by anyone :) I love my dragon though and need to respect him more and believe him when he tells me to calm down and be still. I can't ride him if I don't and he can't carry me if I don't. He is patient but also frustrated sometimes by my slowness to learn and absorb his words. But he chose me and nothing I do can break that bond between us now. We are tied together by an invisible and timeless ribbon of love and hope.
My dragon has courage but he is also vulnerable. I could survive my dragon but my dragon would never survive without me. That is not arrogant pride saying that either. My dragon would not...could not...be a dragon without me. It's his purpose to be MY dragon and it is my purpose to learn to be one with him in mind and thought. If that happens then together we may finally be invincible and I will make better decisions when stressed.
I just need to slow down and listen more to the reasoned experience of others.
One: To stop and listen more to the reasoned experience of others
Two: To not panic so quickly but to stop and listen more to the reasoned experience of others
Three: To accept calmly the moment as it comes and not fight it so much. To stand inside that moment rather than stab at it with unreasoned intentions and thoughtless action.
Four: To LISTEN to the people who love me and want to actually help me instead of assuming they are just telling me what to do.
Five: To let love over-rule everything else and not my ego or my pride.
I am given to reactive behaviours in stressful situations. I tend to "try" and make decisions quickly assuming that these decisions that I make are for the benefit of everyone around me. I have learned today that it may not always be the case. What I assume are reasonable decisions- borne out reactions to trying situations - can in fact, make the situation worse not better. Sometimes it is better to let life slow down and even stop before reacting. To let time not spin by so but to let it stall and just allow myself to "be" inside that moment for a minute or two, with a quiet attitude of observance and waiting.
You see I have a dragon too like Eragon.
My dragon chose me out of everyone else to be his rider. He is older than time and younger than me. His experience and wisdom are evident in how he handles difficult things. He knows exactly, the panic and burden of fear within my heart when i do not know what I should do...but he has also learned how to manage that fear and panic and now he is teaching me what he has known for a long, long time.
It's hard for me to learn. I hate and detest being told what to do...by anyone :) I love my dragon though and need to respect him more and believe him when he tells me to calm down and be still. I can't ride him if I don't and he can't carry me if I don't. He is patient but also frustrated sometimes by my slowness to learn and absorb his words. But he chose me and nothing I do can break that bond between us now. We are tied together by an invisible and timeless ribbon of love and hope.
My dragon has courage but he is also vulnerable. I could survive my dragon but my dragon would never survive without me. That is not arrogant pride saying that either. My dragon would not...could not...be a dragon without me. It's his purpose to be MY dragon and it is my purpose to learn to be one with him in mind and thought. If that happens then together we may finally be invincible and I will make better decisions when stressed.
I just need to slow down and listen more to the reasoned experience of others.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Fog Creek and the German Man
Technology can be totally frustrating you know. :)
The other day I downloaded the optional update for my Second Life viewer here on Preciousss (the name I have given the Macbook ;)).
It did not go well.
Everytime I tried to log into the SL servers I crashed the viewer and it would freeze on my screen with that little coloured disc spinning merrily away for an age until I had to use the Force Quit option twice to get it to close.
To say I was stressed and unhappy about this was an understatement.
So in my annoyance I decided to move everything Second Life off my computer to the trash and start again. Empty Trash seemed like a good way to go to get the system clean. That's what I did. I emptied the trash.
I not only managed to get rid of the Second Life application but almost my entire HD as well.
SOMEHOW, all my applications had managed to wind up IN the TRASH and when I hit empty.... I was left with icons and not much else. Skype worked as did Office but nothing else worked.
I was distraught. I couldnt' figure out what to do so I called my Dad who kindly came around on Thursday evening and offered his limited help. I asked Dad because he has owned a Mac for nearly 5 years so I figured he might be a good choice. There wasn't much we could do expect reinstall the entire OS X system back onto Preciousss and hope for the best.
That worked. I had Safari and all my apps working again. Downloaded Skype successfully and again downloaded the Second Life viewer.
To no avail.
The SL viewer still refused to cooperate on Preciousss. It worked fine on the Windows machine over the other side of the room (it is now nicknamed Unimatrix One *grin* or Uni1 for short). But alas and alack... poor Preciousss languished with no real defined purpose in her life... I still haven't reinstalled Office for Mac on her yet or got around to getting the print option to work on the shared network but we'll get to that eventually.
I was really, really blue about it. I just couldn't shake the incredible desperation and feelings of total hopelessness in regard to my computer of all things!
Its' weird you know! I can be quite easily prosaic and pragmatic and such when it comes to the lives of People; I really am live-and-let-live when it comes to people. When it comes to my toys though, I just want them to WORK and when they don't... I get very depressed about them as if they were more important to me than the people they bring me closer to. I wonder why it is that I have this strange and rather distorted view of things?
So anyway.
Martin from Germany tried somewhat in vain, to get me to snap out of my stupid fatalistic thinking over poor Preciousss. It was killing me to think I would "never be able to play in Second Life on her again".
Yes! That is how low I can go! I am stressed over a GAME on a piece of technical hardware with no emotional capacity to love me back and yet I worry over it and fret, while all the while, I have a mother-in-law just down the road whom I adore and whom I may not see for a long, long time very soon. So weird!
We came up with a solution.
And now comes the rave part of this post. *grin*
Martin and I used the Fog Creek Copilot application to effectively give him control over Preciousss for 24 hours.
Yes! He lives in Germany and I live in Australia. Preciousss lives on a table near my front window in Australia. Martin works from his Cave over there.....waaaaayyyyyy over there! But amazing as it sounds...and it IS amazing! ...Yes! He played on Preciousss as if he were sitting in front of her and FIXED my problem!!! *grin*
.........well he is a nice bloke that way really! :) Rather enjoys rescuing damsels in distress I suppose! He is Drache afterall ;)
....but enough of raving about how clever Martin is (and he is clever make no mistake).... I really wanted to absolutely and categorically say that the tiny little thing we used from Fog Creek was simply amazing.
Yes... it was a little slow for Martin but it was Friday night here and cold out..... so internet traffic in Australia at that hour was bound to be pretty heavy. Not only that, we were doing this wirelessly so that makes it even more incredible at how successfully the copilot program worked! At least to me it does anyway.
It was rather like watching a Poltergeist take control of my cursor on the screen and start doing strange things of its own. Maybe it was a little like a mysterious ouiji board glass moving about seemingly without the assistance of any known hand! Even my husband commented on the strange feeling he had watching Martin scoot around Preciousss doing things to her I could never have begun to understand if he had tried to explain them to me in a text chat screen!
That's the beauty of a application like Copilot. Whilst it was HARD for Martin to do what he did...it would have been doubly hard if he had tried to explain it to me in words. The programme made it sooo much easier for us to get my problem sorted.
Of course the first thing Martin said when he got connected to my computer was "myyyyy precioussssss" which made me laugh out loud for the first time in a number of days! :) It was very cute and funny and I appreciated it because well... you don't just hand over the full rights to your computer to just "anyone".... You have to totally trust the person who says they can help and yeah... Martin totally proved his trustworthiness to me helping me out with this stuff. :) I wouldn't recommend anyone using Copilot unless its with someone they trust implicitly to do the right thing. :)
I am feeling so much better now. :) My lovely Macbook is almost back to normal. Once I can print my documents etc on the wireless or shared network, it will be even more wonderful. :)
So now I'm back in Second Life when I'm not doing other things, zapping around the grid, window shopping to my hearts content again and/or watching Martin's avatar build things (one does need some patience for that though which I don't often possess but if I can put in my 2c its not that bad really to make things in SL from scratch). I won't be updating the viewer again until I absolutely have to but in the meantime its fine just the way it is.
Thankyou sooooo much Martin AND Fog Creek for making it possible. Bliss :) Off to actually do work on Uni1 now. :) Blogging is such a good excuse to slack off. :)
The other day I downloaded the optional update for my Second Life viewer here on Preciousss (the name I have given the Macbook ;)).
It did not go well.
Everytime I tried to log into the SL servers I crashed the viewer and it would freeze on my screen with that little coloured disc spinning merrily away for an age until I had to use the Force Quit option twice to get it to close.
To say I was stressed and unhappy about this was an understatement.
So in my annoyance I decided to move everything Second Life off my computer to the trash and start again. Empty Trash seemed like a good way to go to get the system clean. That's what I did. I emptied the trash.
I not only managed to get rid of the Second Life application but almost my entire HD as well.
SOMEHOW, all my applications had managed to wind up IN the TRASH and when I hit empty.... I was left with icons and not much else. Skype worked as did Office but nothing else worked.
I was distraught. I couldnt' figure out what to do so I called my Dad who kindly came around on Thursday evening and offered his limited help. I asked Dad because he has owned a Mac for nearly 5 years so I figured he might be a good choice. There wasn't much we could do expect reinstall the entire OS X system back onto Preciousss and hope for the best.
That worked. I had Safari and all my apps working again. Downloaded Skype successfully and again downloaded the Second Life viewer.
To no avail.
The SL viewer still refused to cooperate on Preciousss. It worked fine on the Windows machine over the other side of the room (it is now nicknamed Unimatrix One *grin* or Uni1 for short). But alas and alack... poor Preciousss languished with no real defined purpose in her life... I still haven't reinstalled Office for Mac on her yet or got around to getting the print option to work on the shared network but we'll get to that eventually.
I was really, really blue about it. I just couldn't shake the incredible desperation and feelings of total hopelessness in regard to my computer of all things!
Its' weird you know! I can be quite easily prosaic and pragmatic and such when it comes to the lives of People; I really am live-and-let-live when it comes to people. When it comes to my toys though, I just want them to WORK and when they don't... I get very depressed about them as if they were more important to me than the people they bring me closer to. I wonder why it is that I have this strange and rather distorted view of things?
So anyway.
Martin from Germany tried somewhat in vain, to get me to snap out of my stupid fatalistic thinking over poor Preciousss. It was killing me to think I would "never be able to play in Second Life on her again".
Yes! That is how low I can go! I am stressed over a GAME on a piece of technical hardware with no emotional capacity to love me back and yet I worry over it and fret, while all the while, I have a mother-in-law just down the road whom I adore and whom I may not see for a long, long time very soon. So weird!
We came up with a solution.
And now comes the rave part of this post. *grin*
Martin and I used the Fog Creek Copilot application to effectively give him control over Preciousss for 24 hours.
Yes! He lives in Germany and I live in Australia. Preciousss lives on a table near my front window in Australia. Martin works from his Cave over there.....waaaaayyyyyy over there! But amazing as it sounds...and it IS amazing! ...Yes! He played on Preciousss as if he were sitting in front of her and FIXED my problem!!! *grin*
.........well he is a nice bloke that way really! :) Rather enjoys rescuing damsels in distress I suppose! He is Drache afterall ;)
....but enough of raving about how clever Martin is (and he is clever make no mistake).... I really wanted to absolutely and categorically say that the tiny little thing we used from Fog Creek was simply amazing.
Yes... it was a little slow for Martin but it was Friday night here and cold out..... so internet traffic in Australia at that hour was bound to be pretty heavy. Not only that, we were doing this wirelessly so that makes it even more incredible at how successfully the copilot program worked! At least to me it does anyway.
It was rather like watching a Poltergeist take control of my cursor on the screen and start doing strange things of its own. Maybe it was a little like a mysterious ouiji board glass moving about seemingly without the assistance of any known hand! Even my husband commented on the strange feeling he had watching Martin scoot around Preciousss doing things to her I could never have begun to understand if he had tried to explain them to me in a text chat screen!
That's the beauty of a application like Copilot. Whilst it was HARD for Martin to do what he did...it would have been doubly hard if he had tried to explain it to me in words. The programme made it sooo much easier for us to get my problem sorted.
Of course the first thing Martin said when he got connected to my computer was "myyyyy precioussssss" which made me laugh out loud for the first time in a number of days! :) It was very cute and funny and I appreciated it because well... you don't just hand over the full rights to your computer to just "anyone".... You have to totally trust the person who says they can help and yeah... Martin totally proved his trustworthiness to me helping me out with this stuff. :) I wouldn't recommend anyone using Copilot unless its with someone they trust implicitly to do the right thing. :)
I am feeling so much better now. :) My lovely Macbook is almost back to normal. Once I can print my documents etc on the wireless or shared network, it will be even more wonderful. :)
So now I'm back in Second Life when I'm not doing other things, zapping around the grid, window shopping to my hearts content again and/or watching Martin's avatar build things (one does need some patience for that though which I don't often possess but if I can put in my 2c its not that bad really to make things in SL from scratch). I won't be updating the viewer again until I absolutely have to but in the meantime its fine just the way it is.
Thankyou sooooo much Martin AND Fog Creek for making it possible. Bliss :) Off to actually do work on Uni1 now. :) Blogging is such a good excuse to slack off. :)
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The ethos of dying
My Mother-in-law faces imminent death.
As we make her comfortable in her home for her final days on earth, we seek to protect her and closet her away from pain, suffering and the many miniscule duties that she no longer needs or wants to do or can do.
She is 82 years old and is ever so ready to depart from here now. She prays for a quiet death in her own comfortable bed, just drifting off into endless sleep without rancour or torment for herself or others. She longs to be in the arms of Jesus, in the room he promised he would have prepared for her. It is unique to her temperament and talents.
I imagine her room in heaven consisting of mainly kitchen and pantry :) My Mother-in-Law was ever the cook. She cooked to "rest". It was her haven from the madness of life. The clutter of flour, pastry, vegetable and fruit, strewn across her benchtops cheered her and satisfied her soul. Cooking food that made her family, friends and others far and near happy and content soothed her and gave her hope.
She will cook in heaven! I have no doubt of it. The everlasting feast in Paradise will include the culinary skills of my beloved Mother-in-law in amongst the dishes on the table.
Who said Heaven was going to be boring with nothing to do? Whoever said that going to Heaven was the kiss of death to all things scintillating and wonderful? EVERYTHING will be beautiful and wonderful and it will all taste divine! Literally! It was how it was meant to be in the beginning. We only get a shadow of the wonders of food, perfume, colour, light, humour and joyful exuberance here now. In Heaven, everything will be a bazillion times more than it is now; a feast for the senses and no overload either :)
Heaven by its very nature will satisfy beyond all imagining. Our unique skills and gifts, even our learned skills will be made use of in heaven. It's inevitable! How can it be otherwise when here on earth now, it is in the deepest joys that you will find a person content and happy in their WORK...in what they love to do and can do well.
So my MIL waits patiently. She creeps ever forward toward the door of Death and pleads for entrance beyond its mysterious face.
What do I want for my MIL?
Peace. Rest. A soul found worthy of spending eternity with Jesus. :) (Yes! I do believe he wants us all there! Why and How I don't comprehend or understand. I just think that we have nothing to lose and everything to gain if we do). I also want that my husband - her youngest son - will be cared for as he grieves for his dearly loved Mum. It is HIM for whom I hold the deepest concerns really but that is a blog for another day :)
......It's incomprehensible isn't it? How can we really know what lies beyond death? We don't of course. Death rarely gives us answers from behind its doors. Death is both a sacrifice and a gain. It is not duality of spirit although certainly a conduit to change. Death can be a welcome thing and it can sting like a thousand pins.
Some deaths kill joy and hope. Some deaths gently ease the furrows of worry and distress. Some deaths merely needle and other deaths change life on earth forever. Each small part of death makes way to more and more LIFE in all its abundance and hope. Yet...we still fear it for we do not know.
As we resign ourselves to these last few weeks with our Mum and Mother-in-Law, we shall do our grieving in living rather than after she has left us. At least I think we will. It's hard watching someone die and it is a relief - almost - when death finally takes them home.
We will miss her though. She is currently busy passing on her favourite recipes to anyone who is interested :) Explaining the notes in her handwritten recipe books and discussing the finer points of boiling and baking custards, puddings, roasts and other delicacies. I imagine we shall not eat quite the same again until we all join her at the Eternal Banqueting Table. :)
As I write this I am wondering if I sound a little flippant and if I dishonour my Mother-in-Law with this post. I do not intend to. Death maybe a prosaic and fundamentally practical issue for me, but I do still cry at the loss of those I love. It is hard to lose those you love to unforgiving death. It totally hurts to be bereft of that life in them that you loved so well. We miss them - sometimes very acutely. For christians, we do have the small comfort that we know the separation is temporary. That can be a small comfort though not a big one; "Temporary" can be an awful lot of years without.
I love my Mother-in-Law. Deeply. She has grace, wisdom, gentleness of spirit, honour and unselfish service in every pore and every fibre of her humanity. She has laughed a lot in the years I've known her despite losing her husband and her only daughter to cruel diseases. She still laughs even now, as she battles with her own cancer.
She LOVES. It was very very rare for my MIL to not love and want to care for another person. She GAVE of herself, her time, her possessions, her produce over and over, always considering those who had less as more worthy of more. She was/is frugal, honest, truthful and abounds in Wisdom and gentleness. She is astonishing really. I expect her funeral will not be a small one when it finally comes. :)
So anyway. Enough now. Grieve not for my mum in law but for her sons. Her three sons, one of whom is my husband. They will be orphans once she leaves and that can be tough to accept too. No child imagines being without their parents!
God speed you home Marion Ruby Pitman with all my love :)
As we make her comfortable in her home for her final days on earth, we seek to protect her and closet her away from pain, suffering and the many miniscule duties that she no longer needs or wants to do or can do.
She is 82 years old and is ever so ready to depart from here now. She prays for a quiet death in her own comfortable bed, just drifting off into endless sleep without rancour or torment for herself or others. She longs to be in the arms of Jesus, in the room he promised he would have prepared for her. It is unique to her temperament and talents.
I imagine her room in heaven consisting of mainly kitchen and pantry :) My Mother-in-Law was ever the cook. She cooked to "rest". It was her haven from the madness of life. The clutter of flour, pastry, vegetable and fruit, strewn across her benchtops cheered her and satisfied her soul. Cooking food that made her family, friends and others far and near happy and content soothed her and gave her hope.
She will cook in heaven! I have no doubt of it. The everlasting feast in Paradise will include the culinary skills of my beloved Mother-in-law in amongst the dishes on the table.
Who said Heaven was going to be boring with nothing to do? Whoever said that going to Heaven was the kiss of death to all things scintillating and wonderful? EVERYTHING will be beautiful and wonderful and it will all taste divine! Literally! It was how it was meant to be in the beginning. We only get a shadow of the wonders of food, perfume, colour, light, humour and joyful exuberance here now. In Heaven, everything will be a bazillion times more than it is now; a feast for the senses and no overload either :)
Heaven by its very nature will satisfy beyond all imagining. Our unique skills and gifts, even our learned skills will be made use of in heaven. It's inevitable! How can it be otherwise when here on earth now, it is in the deepest joys that you will find a person content and happy in their WORK...in what they love to do and can do well.
So my MIL waits patiently. She creeps ever forward toward the door of Death and pleads for entrance beyond its mysterious face.
What do I want for my MIL?
Peace. Rest. A soul found worthy of spending eternity with Jesus. :) (Yes! I do believe he wants us all there! Why and How I don't comprehend or understand. I just think that we have nothing to lose and everything to gain if we do). I also want that my husband - her youngest son - will be cared for as he grieves for his dearly loved Mum. It is HIM for whom I hold the deepest concerns really but that is a blog for another day :)
......It's incomprehensible isn't it? How can we really know what lies beyond death? We don't of course. Death rarely gives us answers from behind its doors. Death is both a sacrifice and a gain. It is not duality of spirit although certainly a conduit to change. Death can be a welcome thing and it can sting like a thousand pins.
Some deaths kill joy and hope. Some deaths gently ease the furrows of worry and distress. Some deaths merely needle and other deaths change life on earth forever. Each small part of death makes way to more and more LIFE in all its abundance and hope. Yet...we still fear it for we do not know.
As we resign ourselves to these last few weeks with our Mum and Mother-in-Law, we shall do our grieving in living rather than after she has left us. At least I think we will. It's hard watching someone die and it is a relief - almost - when death finally takes them home.
We will miss her though. She is currently busy passing on her favourite recipes to anyone who is interested :) Explaining the notes in her handwritten recipe books and discussing the finer points of boiling and baking custards, puddings, roasts and other delicacies. I imagine we shall not eat quite the same again until we all join her at the Eternal Banqueting Table. :)
As I write this I am wondering if I sound a little flippant and if I dishonour my Mother-in-Law with this post. I do not intend to. Death maybe a prosaic and fundamentally practical issue for me, but I do still cry at the loss of those I love. It is hard to lose those you love to unforgiving death. It totally hurts to be bereft of that life in them that you loved so well. We miss them - sometimes very acutely. For christians, we do have the small comfort that we know the separation is temporary. That can be a small comfort though not a big one; "Temporary" can be an awful lot of years without.
I love my Mother-in-Law. Deeply. She has grace, wisdom, gentleness of spirit, honour and unselfish service in every pore and every fibre of her humanity. She has laughed a lot in the years I've known her despite losing her husband and her only daughter to cruel diseases. She still laughs even now, as she battles with her own cancer.
She LOVES. It was very very rare for my MIL to not love and want to care for another person. She GAVE of herself, her time, her possessions, her produce over and over, always considering those who had less as more worthy of more. She was/is frugal, honest, truthful and abounds in Wisdom and gentleness. She is astonishing really. I expect her funeral will not be a small one when it finally comes. :)
So anyway. Enough now. Grieve not for my mum in law but for her sons. Her three sons, one of whom is my husband. They will be orphans once she leaves and that can be tough to accept too. No child imagines being without their parents!
God speed you home Marion Ruby Pitman with all my love :)
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Be kind to a weary woman week.
It seems that many many women in my age group are just plain TIRED!
A whole week should really be dedicated to women in general...not just a Mothers Day :)
This week was hellishly busy. I can feel the beginnings of a cold sneaking into my nose and throat. I'm run down and weary. Trying too hard to fit everything I WANT to fit into my days and hours. But I am fine and reasonably content. This week wasn't as busy as I expected it would be but nor was it a "cruise" either. There will be busier weeks ahead I'm sure of it!
It's just the way things are.
Women were made to manage a vast number of things. Many of those things are directly or indirectly the result of the doings of other people. We pick up after our families, extended families, friends, distant relations, workmates, bosses, volunteer organisations, groups, clubs, schools, committee's. We clean, we wash, we smooth/iron out things from emotional trauma's and miniture tragedies to the clothes and the bathroom basin. We listen to stories, we tell stories; we shed tears, we wipe tears; we plan, we implement and we negotiate all manner of organisational conundrums.
Depending on our innate or learned level of personal organisation, we can get a great deal done in a day.
Thing is we often DO so much that we forget to just STOP and BREATHE and just feel something other than overwhelming exhaustion.
There is no joy in being a middle-age and being like this. None at all! Many women thrive on being hyper-busy. They love the kudo's it brings them; the raison d' etre for their existence is to prove how capable and "helpful" they can be.
Other women - and I count myself amongst this second group - get incredibly stressed and overwhelmed when they have just way too much to do in a short amount of time. Some of us in that second group handle it through being really organised and a liberal dose of humour, some just flounder and become very depressed that they can't do it "all" like they think they should be able to.
It's just a matter of perspective really....and yes being organised does help enormously. Not everything can a wife/mother/daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/best friend/friend/volunteer/workmate/employee say "NO!" to; however, we can say "No!" a lot more often than we do.
I guess it boils down to making SPACE to move and to feel our buried emotions, that in a crowded life, often get neglected and ignored. It's fine to come home after an enormously busy week like the one I"ve just had, and feel slightly elated at having some time to be mySELF and to be proud and content with everything accomplished this past week.
It's equally fine to come home as I have after other busy weeks and go to bed sobbing out of sheer frustration and over-tiredness. Not every busy week comes with a sense of accomplishment - some are just "shitty weeks" and that is fine too.
Life doesn't stay the same unless you want it to. This shitty week may give rise to some really great weeks down the track so one needn't assume that what couldn't be accomplished this past week defines one as a woman.
Still! It can be tough to get a busy week into perspective. Last Sunday, when I was configuring the outcomes I wanted to achieve for this week, I felt tetchy, irritable, stressed-out and morose. I didn't want to face this week really, it scared me at how full it appeared it would be.
But now I'm here at the other end, it's okay. Yes it has been tough but I survived and made it through because I made good enough choices about things and said "No" whenever I could.
But... it would be nice if someone would just help out with the washing all the same! :)
So to all Husbands, boyfriends, lovers and children...be kind to your weary woman whoever she may be. Don't leave your flotsam for her to pick up, she has enough of that in her life as it is and doesn't really need to have to pick up after you.... but she will
...coz that's what we do.
A whole week should really be dedicated to women in general...not just a Mothers Day :)
This week was hellishly busy. I can feel the beginnings of a cold sneaking into my nose and throat. I'm run down and weary. Trying too hard to fit everything I WANT to fit into my days and hours. But I am fine and reasonably content. This week wasn't as busy as I expected it would be but nor was it a "cruise" either. There will be busier weeks ahead I'm sure of it!
It's just the way things are.
Women were made to manage a vast number of things. Many of those things are directly or indirectly the result of the doings of other people. We pick up after our families, extended families, friends, distant relations, workmates, bosses, volunteer organisations, groups, clubs, schools, committee's. We clean, we wash, we smooth/iron out things from emotional trauma's and miniture tragedies to the clothes and the bathroom basin. We listen to stories, we tell stories; we shed tears, we wipe tears; we plan, we implement and we negotiate all manner of organisational conundrums.
Depending on our innate or learned level of personal organisation, we can get a great deal done in a day.
Thing is we often DO so much that we forget to just STOP and BREATHE and just feel something other than overwhelming exhaustion.
There is no joy in being a middle-age and being like this. None at all! Many women thrive on being hyper-busy. They love the kudo's it brings them; the raison d' etre for their existence is to prove how capable and "helpful" they can be.
Other women - and I count myself amongst this second group - get incredibly stressed and overwhelmed when they have just way too much to do in a short amount of time. Some of us in that second group handle it through being really organised and a liberal dose of humour, some just flounder and become very depressed that they can't do it "all" like they think they should be able to.
It's just a matter of perspective really....and yes being organised does help enormously. Not everything can a wife/mother/daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/best friend/friend/volunteer/workmate/employee say "NO!" to; however, we can say "No!" a lot more often than we do.
I guess it boils down to making SPACE to move and to feel our buried emotions, that in a crowded life, often get neglected and ignored. It's fine to come home after an enormously busy week like the one I"ve just had, and feel slightly elated at having some time to be mySELF and to be proud and content with everything accomplished this past week.
It's equally fine to come home as I have after other busy weeks and go to bed sobbing out of sheer frustration and over-tiredness. Not every busy week comes with a sense of accomplishment - some are just "shitty weeks" and that is fine too.
Life doesn't stay the same unless you want it to. This shitty week may give rise to some really great weeks down the track so one needn't assume that what couldn't be accomplished this past week defines one as a woman.
Still! It can be tough to get a busy week into perspective. Last Sunday, when I was configuring the outcomes I wanted to achieve for this week, I felt tetchy, irritable, stressed-out and morose. I didn't want to face this week really, it scared me at how full it appeared it would be.
But now I'm here at the other end, it's okay. Yes it has been tough but I survived and made it through because I made good enough choices about things and said "No" whenever I could.
But... it would be nice if someone would just help out with the washing all the same! :)
So to all Husbands, boyfriends, lovers and children...be kind to your weary woman whoever she may be. Don't leave your flotsam for her to pick up, she has enough of that in her life as it is and doesn't really need to have to pick up after you.... but she will
...coz that's what we do.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Billy
Our beloved cat of 8.5 years was euthenized today (Saturday 16th June 2007) just after midday.
Billy The Cat came to our family Christmas Eve 1998. He was cute, beautiful and great fun with a winning personality for a mere cat.
He grew to be a BIG cat...weighing in on average around 7.5kg (about 16.53lbs) with the most magnificent fat thick furry tail :)
He was independant and not really a "snuggly" cat although he did love his brushing sessions with "Daddy" each day.
He took to my old teddy bear I got when I was one year old. He used to cart it around the house at night howling with it as if it were prey in the wild, teddy firmly clenched between his teeth. Then he would "Kill" Teddy with passionate intent. It was like watching a miniture tiger carving up the family kill for the feasting. That poor teddy got so mauled I had to recover him many times so he looked nothing like what he did when I first received him.
Teddy will also be buried with Billy today in the old fishpond which is pretty much useless now with the drought. We shall fill it with soil and plant a shrub in it to remember our beautiful cat by.
For the past 12 months our cat has suffered regular and untreatable seizures. This past week saw him suffer through maybe close to 15 + violent and excruciating convulsions. It was never pretty to watch Bill have a seizure but I got innured to it and accepted them as a part of his...our lives. But this week brought too many and his temperament changed to that of a very haunted, anxious and aggressive shadow of his former self.
We watched the entire process of his passing away; my husband, my daughter and myself. Only our son has missed saying goodbye to Billy as he had to play footy in Nati today. I'm sure this will be something he may or may not regret as the years go by - we don't know yet.
Billy hated the Vet this past couple of years. He growled and whined constantly. His passing away was no different really. Feisty and opinionated to the end, our cat went to his next home with a deep growl in the back of his throat. It doesn't worry me to remember him this way...it was absolutely and positively our Billy expressing his displeasure as usual. :)
He had a lot of names over the course of his life. Here are some of the nicknames he's had over the years.
Fooffy-Feffer
Pooh-Face
Pooh
Bucket
Bucket Features
Poofy-Feather
Zoids
Billzoids
Billikins
Fluffy-Guts
Bubby
Loved and doted on, our cat passes into memory and time for us now. We shall never replace him as a personality. Time will tell if we replace him for another pet. Right now... another pet just seems too much like hard work. I want to rest from the constant vigilance having a pet requires now, not only to savour the memory of Billy, but to just rest from having to THINK about his welfare and needs.
He is seizure and pain free now. Thank God for his life and for the gift of joy that he brought to us all these past 8.5 years.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I wouldn't want her job!
Young Ms Hilton gets a lot of press.
It seems the Pirahna's in media hype just can't get enough of the girl with a ready pose for the camera and an all too ready gaff in Underwear Mis-management.
She's had a pretty sheltered life our Young Ms H.
All things considered, she really doesn't live in "our world" with all its issues of money, time and place, work and family. Life is very different for Paris and her siblings; it always has been and always will be.
Sure! Most of us enjoy poking a few sticks at her. We ingraciously imply she has no real intelligence; we assert she has far too much money than can be "good" for a person; we unceremoniously judge her sexual behaviours as being stupid, foolish, slovenly and misguided.
Many of us are quite determined to bring Ms H down a peg or two million, just so we feel she is on a more level playing field with the rest of us.
Me?
I just feel incredible compassion for her really. Probably a subtle mix of pure pity in there too but seriously...? The girl hasn't got it "all". No one has! Not even the four or five homeless people who begged for a few coins for food and a bed when we were in Melbourne on Saturday morning this past weekend. If someone claims they have it "all" - you'd have to wonder if they need psychiatric care! Happiness is as transient as the moment in which you exist! It's not wealth or fame that gives us our life - it's our being and our attitudes that make our lives what they really are!
Still! Ms H has all the trimmings of a providential life. She has lived a life so alien from my own, that I cannot even begin to comprehend her daily conundrums, decisions she must make, problems she must solve, attitudes she must endure. Her life is its own entity. She has access to tonnes of cash but... the pressures that that places on her every single moment of her day must be enormous!
My life has its own contingent pressures, but fame isn't one of them and nor is vast amounts of wealth. I have no clue as to how those two things can change a person nor do I want to. How does one cope with all of that privilege, infamy and wealth? How does one manage to negotiate the tempestuous waters of Life's Aquarium as someone notable/notorious? Paris Hilton IS, quite literally, a pretty goldfish, living in a large, clear fish-tank, with our grubby fingers tapping on the glass at her, constantly pressuring her to perform her tricks and NOTICE us!
She's a young woman who just wants to party and have fun? Sure! She's most definitely like many other 24 year olds, at least hormonally! :) Still! We've not had her place in life, her background, her heritage, her childhood nor her current exposure in every magazine under the sun! Who would WANT that life? Really? Who would want to be so flagrantly exposed either deliberately or otherwise?
I don't!
I just feel intensely sorry for Ms H. She might not have "any brains". But maybe, just maybe she does! Do we really KNOW her? No! Should we? NOOOOOOOO WAY!!!! Let the woman have a little bit of dignity in the end.
Perhaps we could all practise our obession with privacy for ourselves by allowing her that same privilege! This is why I've not linked to any stories or images in this blog to Paris herself. It's a rather feeble token gesture on my part, in trying to give her some privacy - a commodity in which she seems to be very poor indeed.
I would give everything I had to never be famous...ever! :)
It seems the Pirahna's in media hype just can't get enough of the girl with a ready pose for the camera and an all too ready gaff in Underwear Mis-management.
She's had a pretty sheltered life our Young Ms H.
All things considered, she really doesn't live in "our world" with all its issues of money, time and place, work and family. Life is very different for Paris and her siblings; it always has been and always will be.
Sure! Most of us enjoy poking a few sticks at her. We ingraciously imply she has no real intelligence; we assert she has far too much money than can be "good" for a person; we unceremoniously judge her sexual behaviours as being stupid, foolish, slovenly and misguided.
Many of us are quite determined to bring Ms H down a peg or two million, just so we feel she is on a more level playing field with the rest of us.
Me?
I just feel incredible compassion for her really. Probably a subtle mix of pure pity in there too but seriously...? The girl hasn't got it "all". No one has! Not even the four or five homeless people who begged for a few coins for food and a bed when we were in Melbourne on Saturday morning this past weekend. If someone claims they have it "all" - you'd have to wonder if they need psychiatric care! Happiness is as transient as the moment in which you exist! It's not wealth or fame that gives us our life - it's our being and our attitudes that make our lives what they really are!
Still! Ms H has all the trimmings of a providential life. She has lived a life so alien from my own, that I cannot even begin to comprehend her daily conundrums, decisions she must make, problems she must solve, attitudes she must endure. Her life is its own entity. She has access to tonnes of cash but... the pressures that that places on her every single moment of her day must be enormous!
My life has its own contingent pressures, but fame isn't one of them and nor is vast amounts of wealth. I have no clue as to how those two things can change a person nor do I want to. How does one cope with all of that privilege, infamy and wealth? How does one manage to negotiate the tempestuous waters of Life's Aquarium as someone notable/notorious? Paris Hilton IS, quite literally, a pretty goldfish, living in a large, clear fish-tank, with our grubby fingers tapping on the glass at her, constantly pressuring her to perform her tricks and NOTICE us!
She's a young woman who just wants to party and have fun? Sure! She's most definitely like many other 24 year olds, at least hormonally! :) Still! We've not had her place in life, her background, her heritage, her childhood nor her current exposure in every magazine under the sun! Who would WANT that life? Really? Who would want to be so flagrantly exposed either deliberately or otherwise?
I don't!
I just feel intensely sorry for Ms H. She might not have "any brains". But maybe, just maybe she does! Do we really KNOW her? No! Should we? NOOOOOOOO WAY!!!! Let the woman have a little bit of dignity in the end.
Perhaps we could all practise our obession with privacy for ourselves by allowing her that same privilege! This is why I've not linked to any stories or images in this blog to Paris herself. It's a rather feeble token gesture on my part, in trying to give her some privacy - a commodity in which she seems to be very poor indeed.
I would give everything I had to never be famous...ever! :)
Monday, June 11, 2007
When movies are just too good :)
Home from our weekend away in Melbourne and I've finally got some time to write about our movie experience we had last night.
in a word...
WOW!
Greg and I only just made it to the Sunday evening showing of "300" at the IMAX theatre at the Melbourne Museum.
I don't go to IMAX that much as the movies they show are generally in 3D. I can't enjoy 3D movies because I don't have Binocular vision (I'm blind in my left eye). This occasion was a rare one where the movie was accessible for me.
I didn't really know what to expect from this movie. I had a sketchy synopsis in my head and I knew it has an Aussie Actor (aka David Wenham)in it - which was the clincher to convince my husband it might be worth a look :)
Well.... this is one helluvua movie!
WOW!
It is Legend, Myth, Epic Tale and Fantasy all entwined into one. It isn't a complex story and yet.....?
Lets just say that the script has a marvellous je ne sais quoi quality to it huh? Of course it's "simple"... but then this is about the action not the subtleties of plot nuance :) Don't see this if you are wanting to think... see this movie if you just want to be left spell-bound by a enthralling Story
I was captured by it! Obviously! :) It is a grand story too, full of blood-thirsty horrors of war and all manner of gross evils. Very Good and Very Bad all clearly delineated and expressed in word and digitally enhanced skin-tones! :)
Thing is, I think the characters are quite wonderfully portrayed. The cast in this film is superb really, playing their roles with delicious undercurrents of pathos and humour, drama and sensitivity.
It's gory but it's also probably, THE sexiest movie that Hollywood has produced in yonks too! Oh my! All those naked Spartan male chests? T'was enough to make a girl go weak at the knees! *shiver* *drool*
It could have been the whole IMAX experience that made this movie have such a wow factor for me; I realise this, but at the same time, I do think that this simple over-sized story lends itself very well to the over-sized surround-sound experience of the Giant Screen too. It just WORKED!
The marriage of special CGI effects and real-live actors
makes this movie very visually exciting and for its type and style, it works beautifully. Of course, it will probably become "ruined" by massive merchandising in the form of video games and such but for the film itself, this kind of blending of artificial with actual, makes for an interesting and exciting appeal to the senses.
So okay? Did I like it? You bet! Bloody AWESOME Fun in my honest opinion.
Go see it (preferably on a really big screen. I promise you'll not be disappointed).
in a word...
WOW!
Greg and I only just made it to the Sunday evening showing of "300" at the IMAX theatre at the Melbourne Museum.
I don't go to IMAX that much as the movies they show are generally in 3D. I can't enjoy 3D movies because I don't have Binocular vision (I'm blind in my left eye). This occasion was a rare one where the movie was accessible for me.
I didn't really know what to expect from this movie. I had a sketchy synopsis in my head and I knew it has an Aussie Actor (aka David Wenham)in it - which was the clincher to convince my husband it might be worth a look :)
Well.... this is one helluvua movie!
WOW!
It is Legend, Myth, Epic Tale and Fantasy all entwined into one. It isn't a complex story and yet.....?
Lets just say that the script has a marvellous je ne sais quoi quality to it huh? Of course it's "simple"... but then this is about the action not the subtleties of plot nuance :) Don't see this if you are wanting to think... see this movie if you just want to be left spell-bound by a enthralling Story
I was captured by it! Obviously! :) It is a grand story too, full of blood-thirsty horrors of war and all manner of gross evils. Very Good and Very Bad all clearly delineated and expressed in word and digitally enhanced skin-tones! :)
Thing is, I think the characters are quite wonderfully portrayed. The cast in this film is superb really, playing their roles with delicious undercurrents of pathos and humour, drama and sensitivity.
It's gory but it's also probably, THE sexiest movie that Hollywood has produced in yonks too! Oh my! All those naked Spartan male chests? T'was enough to make a girl go weak at the knees! *shiver* *drool*
It could have been the whole IMAX experience that made this movie have such a wow factor for me; I realise this, but at the same time, I do think that this simple over-sized story lends itself very well to the over-sized surround-sound experience of the Giant Screen too. It just WORKED!
The marriage of special CGI effects and real-live actors
makes this movie very visually exciting and for its type and style, it works beautifully. Of course, it will probably become "ruined" by massive merchandising in the form of video games and such but for the film itself, this kind of blending of artificial with actual, makes for an interesting and exciting appeal to the senses.
So okay? Did I like it? You bet! Bloody AWESOME Fun in my honest opinion.
Go see it (preferably on a really big screen. I promise you'll not be disappointed).
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I got it! I got it!
I am sitting in our motel room in melbourne here typing this blog on our new Macbook laptop computer *grin*
I am hooked into the hotel's broadband connection which is really REALLY slow but hey? Who's complaining.
This will take some getting used to though. I have much to learn about using the OS X operating system but so far so good.
When we get home, it will be frustrating not being able to use it straight away off our broadband connection at home as we've yet to purchase a wireless router for home but that shouldn't be too much of a hassle to arrange within the next week or so.
I have big plans for this puppy! :)
One of the first is finding a name for "her" (Yes... its a she!... PB's Little Sister no less... which isn't really easy to explain unless you know bat...*grin*)
So! This is wierd and strange and I have none of my favourite sites bookmarked on here yet and well.... I am just so excited I can barely contain myself *grin* *BOUNCE*
Okay.... so I'm now officially one of those Mac Geeks ...almost anyway.
I am hooked into the hotel's broadband connection which is really REALLY slow but hey? Who's complaining.
This will take some getting used to though. I have much to learn about using the OS X operating system but so far so good.
When we get home, it will be frustrating not being able to use it straight away off our broadband connection at home as we've yet to purchase a wireless router for home but that shouldn't be too much of a hassle to arrange within the next week or so.
I have big plans for this puppy! :)
One of the first is finding a name for "her" (Yes... its a she!... PB's Little Sister no less... which isn't really easy to explain unless you know bat...*grin*)
So! This is wierd and strange and I have none of my favourite sites bookmarked on here yet and well.... I am just so excited I can barely contain myself *grin* *BOUNCE*
Okay.... so I'm now officially one of those Mac Geeks ...almost anyway.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Desperate straits call for desperate measures...
or at the very least somewhat clumsy but practical innovation.
I used to use my lovely wee Palm PDA a lot. Then last year, when I was convalescing after major surgery, I didn't have the need to refer to it or use it often for about 4 months so got out of the habit of putting in info and reading it when required. It became an untrustworthy device for recording my never-ending piles of tasks.
I have effectively been list-less for some months now (no pun intended there) and it has been obvious how detrimental its been to my productivity and the smoothness of getting things done in a timely way. If its not written down, in a place with a context, it generally gets missed, forgotten or abandoned due to the former two.
I had some time to myself in between appointments today and went diary shopping for a suitable "old-fashioned" paper based "device" that might fill the giant gap my PDA has left.
I still use the PDA but the on/off button is faulty and hard to turn on so its become a PITA to use effectively. It's still essential for carting around vast numbers of addresses and memo's though. I will probably always use some kind of electronic device for that stuff even if I never use one again for tasks or appointments.
I'm actually sweating on the iPhone coming to Australia but there's no word yet as to which telco here is picking it up for sure. I may yet succumb and go for another brand phone/PDA/mp3/browser device. Don't know yet.
So anyway... I didn't find the diary I wanted. I have already got a wee paper diary with a week to an opening which is fine for ordinary appointments but its just not appropriate for task lists at all. I NEED a discrete task list; one based on contextual concepts such as Home, Work, Calls, Computer and so on.
Instead I switched to looking for a small notebook with a pen holder. I found a good one with a snap-lock cover for under AU$3.00 in Trevs Bargain Emporium *grin* I'm actually tempted to go back and purchase the rest and put them into storage for the day when this current one is just totally unusable. With white-out though it "should" technically last a good while or at least until I replace it with a new electronic do-all device anyway.
I brought the notepad home and made labels with my nifty little Brother P-touch 55 labeller (an absolutely ESSENTIAL household device), and printed out two of each label sticker. These I attached to pages in the notebook back to back. The notebook is roughly divided now, into different contextual sections into which I can record any relevant tasks.
So for instance, in my "Errands/Buy" category - when I'm out and about, I can simply refer to that particular list to see if I need to get meds from the pharmacy, or go look for a new pair of shoes for work etc.
It's about coherent relevance to my day to day activities. Instead of trying to remember what I have to do exactly WHEN I have to do it, this device now allows me to shift and change as required according to any given place/time/person.
It took me about half an hour to set it up and another half hour or so to put everything I can so far think of into it. The real test though is in the following couple of weeks. If by the end of that I have lots and lots of white-out lines in it, it will be a go-er! :)
I used to use my lovely wee Palm PDA a lot. Then last year, when I was convalescing after major surgery, I didn't have the need to refer to it or use it often for about 4 months so got out of the habit of putting in info and reading it when required. It became an untrustworthy device for recording my never-ending piles of tasks.
I have effectively been list-less for some months now (no pun intended there) and it has been obvious how detrimental its been to my productivity and the smoothness of getting things done in a timely way. If its not written down, in a place with a context, it generally gets missed, forgotten or abandoned due to the former two.
I had some time to myself in between appointments today and went diary shopping for a suitable "old-fashioned" paper based "device" that might fill the giant gap my PDA has left.
I still use the PDA but the on/off button is faulty and hard to turn on so its become a PITA to use effectively. It's still essential for carting around vast numbers of addresses and memo's though. I will probably always use some kind of electronic device for that stuff even if I never use one again for tasks or appointments.
I'm actually sweating on the iPhone coming to Australia but there's no word yet as to which telco here is picking it up for sure. I may yet succumb and go for another brand phone/PDA/mp3/browser device. Don't know yet.
So anyway... I didn't find the diary I wanted. I have already got a wee paper diary with a week to an opening which is fine for ordinary appointments but its just not appropriate for task lists at all. I NEED a discrete task list; one based on contextual concepts such as Home, Work, Calls, Computer and so on.
Instead I switched to looking for a small notebook with a pen holder. I found a good one with a snap-lock cover for under AU$3.00 in Trevs Bargain Emporium *grin* I'm actually tempted to go back and purchase the rest and put them into storage for the day when this current one is just totally unusable. With white-out though it "should" technically last a good while or at least until I replace it with a new electronic do-all device anyway.
I brought the notepad home and made labels with my nifty little Brother P-touch 55 labeller (an absolutely ESSENTIAL household device), and printed out two of each label sticker. These I attached to pages in the notebook back to back. The notebook is roughly divided now, into different contextual sections into which I can record any relevant tasks.
So for instance, in my "Errands/Buy" category - when I'm out and about, I can simply refer to that particular list to see if I need to get meds from the pharmacy, or go look for a new pair of shoes for work etc.
It's about coherent relevance to my day to day activities. Instead of trying to remember what I have to do exactly WHEN I have to do it, this device now allows me to shift and change as required according to any given place/time/person.
It took me about half an hour to set it up and another half hour or so to put everything I can so far think of into it. The real test though is in the following couple of weeks. If by the end of that I have lots and lots of white-out lines in it, it will be a go-er! :)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
it's okay...He said as he opened his arms and died.
Questions of Faith crop up every now and again in my mind and heart like fluttering butterflies.
Some of them are labelled "Guilt" and some are labelled "Freedom"
Choosing a butterfly to have land on ones hand is difficult for more often than not, it's the beautiful alluring "Guilt" ones that bring more pleasure than can be merited.
I put him there that day on that stripped tree on golgatha. Me! With my petty lies, white and black, my arrogance, my liberty, my pride and my greed. I put him there with all the force of my being.
And you know what?
He keeps on saying "It's okay! It's okay! I still love you anyway"
Who can fathom a love like that? Can anyone? Not me! Least of all me.
My unbelief lies in shredded piles upon the floor of my soul. I bury myself in it like a rat in its nest. I do not believe that I could be so loved and so I choose to wrestle with the paper shreddings of my Unbelief, chewing on them and mashing tjem between my teeth pretending its good to eat.
If only...if only I could SEE beyong my Unbelief and accept that which I believe 100 percent, unequivocally, unreservedly, wholistically? If only I could BE like Him and not need this shredded paper on the floor of my soul?
Some of them are labelled "Guilt" and some are labelled "Freedom"
Choosing a butterfly to have land on ones hand is difficult for more often than not, it's the beautiful alluring "Guilt" ones that bring more pleasure than can be merited.
I put him there that day on that stripped tree on golgatha. Me! With my petty lies, white and black, my arrogance, my liberty, my pride and my greed. I put him there with all the force of my being.
And you know what?
He keeps on saying "It's okay! It's okay! I still love you anyway"
Who can fathom a love like that? Can anyone? Not me! Least of all me.
My unbelief lies in shredded piles upon the floor of my soul. I bury myself in it like a rat in its nest. I do not believe that I could be so loved and so I choose to wrestle with the paper shreddings of my Unbelief, chewing on them and mashing tjem between my teeth pretending its good to eat.
If only...if only I could SEE beyong my Unbelief and accept that which I believe 100 percent, unequivocally, unreservedly, wholistically? If only I could BE like Him and not need this shredded paper on the floor of my soul?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Why is it..
that one can make plans and plans and plans but they rarely eventuate.
I had quite a list of things to do today. I barely scratched the surface! *sigh*
I did get that email written to the old g/f's although some of the email addy's bounced! I so hate that. I started my german homework but have yet to complete it - there seems to be PILES of it at the moment too.
As for this "feral loungeroom"? Well! That's least of all my obligations right now. Tomorrow is Ironing Day so it will get sorted then and only then.
And if you're wondering about the strange juxtaposition of terms there - aka "feral" + "loungeroom", then don't fret, it's just one of my idiosyncracies of language use. I don't know HOW I do that or why - I just do. Maybe it's an Aussie thing perhaps. Some Aussies do say silly things like "Dead Horse" in lieu of simple tomato sauce and such. We are a wierd mob as the saying goes.
Still I guess I'd better explain what I mean anyway. My "feral loungeroom" is cluttered with clothes that I cannot wear, things to pick up that do not belong to me but to other people who say they live here, chocolate bar wrappers that I've not eaten myself, empty glasses parked beside armchairs that I did not drink from, disarranged cusions on the couch that I did not rest upon, school bags that don't belong to me and guitar picks that I do not use to play the guitar with.
Do you kind of get the picture? Yeah! The "feral" part of the loungeroom isn't so much the loungeroom itself - its the young urchins who LIVE here and think they can just trash the joint and "Ping" it will all be nice and restful again in the morning for them to trash yet again!
*sigh* It's a mum's world!
I had quite a list of things to do today. I barely scratched the surface! *sigh*
I did get that email written to the old g/f's although some of the email addy's bounced! I so hate that. I started my german homework but have yet to complete it - there seems to be PILES of it at the moment too.
As for this "feral loungeroom"? Well! That's least of all my obligations right now. Tomorrow is Ironing Day so it will get sorted then and only then.
And if you're wondering about the strange juxtaposition of terms there - aka "feral" + "loungeroom", then don't fret, it's just one of my idiosyncracies of language use. I don't know HOW I do that or why - I just do. Maybe it's an Aussie thing perhaps. Some Aussies do say silly things like "Dead Horse" in lieu of simple tomato sauce and such. We are a wierd mob as the saying goes.
Still I guess I'd better explain what I mean anyway. My "feral loungeroom" is cluttered with clothes that I cannot wear, things to pick up that do not belong to me but to other people who say they live here, chocolate bar wrappers that I've not eaten myself, empty glasses parked beside armchairs that I did not drink from, disarranged cusions on the couch that I did not rest upon, school bags that don't belong to me and guitar picks that I do not use to play the guitar with.
Do you kind of get the picture? Yeah! The "feral" part of the loungeroom isn't so much the loungeroom itself - its the young urchins who LIVE here and think they can just trash the joint and "Ping" it will all be nice and restful again in the morning for them to trash yet again!
*sigh* It's a mum's world!
Friday, May 18, 2007
So okay....
I have been missing from Blogsville afterall. :
Bloggers Syndrome is catching up with me I'm afraid. There just doesn't seem to be anything really INTERESTING to write about in the moment.
I could waffle on for hours about Secondlife.com where I currently spend most of my free hours *blush* However, that is likely to bore you to tears really unless you're into the whole concept of strangely attired (let alone strangely behaved) avatars running about in a jerky, staccato fashion in virtual shopping malls where the walls are a pixel wide and both solid and penetrable all at the same time.
Still, the subjects that could be worthy to muse upon fade quickly from my mind almost as soon as I decide that they'd be good to blog about.
So anyway, perhaps its time to change blogging focus. Maybe I need to just TALK about any old stuff instead of trying too hard to come up with something that I, so arrogantly, deem as Intelligent Blogging Material (no IBM jokes please *snort*). There's only so much one can say about soulmates and Pah!
My mate (for my non-aussie readers, that's an Aussie colloquial term for friend/buddy/pal), Martin celebrated his 37th birthday this past week. Happy Birthday Martin :) I've yet to try Martini but I reckon I might this weekend just to see what its like. I'll make a belated birthday toast to you if I do :)
And I have been feeling decidedly GUILTY this past week too. I have all these lovely online girlfriends from years and years ago from a Aussie mum's forum I used to frequent. I loved those girls to bits!
Still do really. Thing is we've all gotten terribly busy with older kids now and we hardly ever get in touch anymore. Despite that wonderful thing called email... do I ever really use it to just WRITE to people I love/have loved? Not that much actually. So I have decided that I'll write the girls an email this weekend to just let them know I've been thinking of them and send them my love and good wishes their way.
I have lots of friendships with women that are like this when I think about it. Deep and lasting friendships but sporadic and intermissive (is there such a word?). I mean I can catch up with these women and pick up conversations where they left off last time rarely being stuck for words or wondering what to say because of the distance thus far. There are however, sometimes significant gaps of time in between those conversations where I think about them often but rarely make the effort to maintain the energetic to-and-fro of the original consistent friendship.
Maybe I'm just too selfish of my time. I do love my freedom but my friends are also vitally important to me too and I hold each and everyone of them dear to my heart; even if we don't get to spend hours deep in conversation like we used to.
So yeah. I don't have much other than the mundane to write about at the moment. The intention is now to make blogging less focussed on the heavy material and just let it flow as it so chooses. It seems that the Bloggers Syndrome symptom of TRYING TO BE RELEVANT has caught up with me too. Not that I think I ever really was relevant in here though.
Okay... enough now! :) and yeah I know I talk too much... Martin tells me that often so I know :)
Bloggers Syndrome is catching up with me I'm afraid. There just doesn't seem to be anything really INTERESTING to write about in the moment.
I could waffle on for hours about Secondlife.com where I currently spend most of my free hours *blush* However, that is likely to bore you to tears really unless you're into the whole concept of strangely attired (let alone strangely behaved) avatars running about in a jerky, staccato fashion in virtual shopping malls where the walls are a pixel wide and both solid and penetrable all at the same time.
Still, the subjects that could be worthy to muse upon fade quickly from my mind almost as soon as I decide that they'd be good to blog about.
So anyway, perhaps its time to change blogging focus. Maybe I need to just TALK about any old stuff instead of trying too hard to come up with something that I, so arrogantly, deem as Intelligent Blogging Material (no IBM jokes please *snort*). There's only so much one can say about soulmates and Pah!
My mate (for my non-aussie readers, that's an Aussie colloquial term for friend/buddy/pal), Martin celebrated his 37th birthday this past week. Happy Birthday Martin :) I've yet to try Martini but I reckon I might this weekend just to see what its like. I'll make a belated birthday toast to you if I do :)
And I have been feeling decidedly GUILTY this past week too. I have all these lovely online girlfriends from years and years ago from a Aussie mum's forum I used to frequent. I loved those girls to bits!
Still do really. Thing is we've all gotten terribly busy with older kids now and we hardly ever get in touch anymore. Despite that wonderful thing called email... do I ever really use it to just WRITE to people I love/have loved? Not that much actually. So I have decided that I'll write the girls an email this weekend to just let them know I've been thinking of them and send them my love and good wishes their way.
I have lots of friendships with women that are like this when I think about it. Deep and lasting friendships but sporadic and intermissive (is there such a word?). I mean I can catch up with these women and pick up conversations where they left off last time rarely being stuck for words or wondering what to say because of the distance thus far. There are however, sometimes significant gaps of time in between those conversations where I think about them often but rarely make the effort to maintain the energetic to-and-fro of the original consistent friendship.
Maybe I'm just too selfish of my time. I do love my freedom but my friends are also vitally important to me too and I hold each and everyone of them dear to my heart; even if we don't get to spend hours deep in conversation like we used to.
So yeah. I don't have much other than the mundane to write about at the moment. The intention is now to make blogging less focussed on the heavy material and just let it flow as it so chooses. It seems that the Bloggers Syndrome symptom of TRYING TO BE RELEVANT has caught up with me too. Not that I think I ever really was relevant in here though.
Okay... enough now! :) and yeah I know I talk too much... Martin tells me that often so I know :)
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I have a second life...
Things are getting hectic.
I haven't actually abandoned my old loves such as this blog. :)
But it seems that writing is taking a back seat somewhat to a new craze I have discovered. That of the Virtual World.
It's entertaining, somewhat addictive for the moment and really, really relaxing after a very busy day with work and family duties. Beats the TV hands down really for entertainment in the evenings :)
Thanks to the indomitable Vlad Spears for pointing this whole new world out. :)
I guess I'll see you when I'm over having fun flying over the terrain and finding places to explore. I'll be back writing soon enough but I shall have to chalk this next period of time up to Experiential Learning ;) Always handy for a writer that stuff! Haha!
(ps ... I might be back writing sooner than you think actually. This whole RL/SL dichotomy is oozing with blog fodder on which to muse. Stay tuned)
I haven't actually abandoned my old loves such as this blog. :)
But it seems that writing is taking a back seat somewhat to a new craze I have discovered. That of the Virtual World.
It's entertaining, somewhat addictive for the moment and really, really relaxing after a very busy day with work and family duties. Beats the TV hands down really for entertainment in the evenings :)
Thanks to the indomitable Vlad Spears for pointing this whole new world out. :)
I guess I'll see you when I'm over having fun flying over the terrain and finding places to explore. I'll be back writing soon enough but I shall have to chalk this next period of time up to Experiential Learning ;) Always handy for a writer that stuff! Haha!
(ps ... I might be back writing sooner than you think actually. This whole RL/SL dichotomy is oozing with blog fodder on which to muse. Stay tuned)
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