Sunday, May 20, 2007

it's okay...He said as he opened his arms and died.

Questions of Faith crop up every now and again in my mind and heart like fluttering butterflies.

Some of them are labelled "Guilt" and some are labelled "Freedom"

Choosing a butterfly to have land on ones hand is difficult for more often than not, it's the beautiful alluring "Guilt" ones that bring more pleasure than can be merited.

I put him there that day on that stripped tree on golgatha. Me! With my petty lies, white and black, my arrogance, my liberty, my pride and my greed. I put him there with all the force of my being.

And you know what?

He keeps on saying "It's okay! It's okay! I still love you anyway"

Who can fathom a love like that? Can anyone? Not me! Least of all me.

My unbelief lies in shredded piles upon the floor of my soul. I bury myself in it like a rat in its nest. I do not believe that I could be so loved and so I choose to wrestle with the paper shreddings of my Unbelief, chewing on them and mashing tjem between my teeth pretending its good to eat.

If only...if only I could SEE beyong my Unbelief and accept that which I believe 100 percent, unequivocally, unreservedly, wholistically? If only I could BE like Him and not need this shredded paper on the floor of my soul?


EM said...

You lovable woman, you! What about you could possibly not be lovable??? We're all human, you know--including the pride, anger, etc. Not to mention lust...

Just yesterday I almost jumped the curb in my Jeep while I was watching three half-naked men run across the road. Hey, what can I say? It's summertime. Men are running around with their shirts off. Life is good.

Michelle said...

em... You dear girl *HUG*

the "thing" about my faith is that once you see God you KNOW both at once how amazingly wonderful we have been made and how consistently we can let Him down! He just keeps loving us anyway. Amazing really.

It's darn hard to explain I guess but thanks for your encouragement and fantastic sense of humour. You made me laugh! And I'd have been sooooo ogling those blokes too you know! *giggle*

EM said...

But assuming He's omniscient, then how could I ever let him down? Didn't he KNOW I was going to do all that dumb stuff? :)