Wednesday, December 05, 2007

my husband is not well...

There's a very fine line between blogging ones thoughts and ideas and just airing ones "dirty laundry" for the masses.

This might be construed as one of the latter perhaps.

Thing is, if my husband had broken his leg or arm, I'd be most definitely blogging about it to 1) Have a whinge 2) Debrief my concerns 3) Tell the world of my husband's incapacity to do "much".

My husband hasn't really broken anything anyone can actually see.

He is suffering from rather severe stress-induced anxiety instead. He is manic, unpredictable, euphoric one minute - a veritable "basket-case" the next. He has a lot of suppressed rage, deep depression, is slightly "mad" and has a nasty... NASTY... case of
Foot-in-mouth disease (an Aussie expression for saying the wrong thing at the wrong times) He doesn't sleep much and has had his phone taken away for calling friends and relatives at odd hours of the day or night.

We haven't shut the shop...yet...but it's my call to make if he doesn't stabilize over the next few days on his new medication. We shall see.

Now many people would cringe at me telling the "world" this information. Mental illness and even depression have more or less been a stigma of terrible secrecy. Madness is considered the sufferer's "fault". "They'd be FINE if they'd just pull their socks up, got a grip and got on with things!" et al. And I do think many people - even in this enlightened age - are of the secret opinion that madness is catching! *wry smile*

Patience and temperance on the part of the supporting family members is expected and quietly empathized with but many people are at a complete loss as to how to provide practical support even so.

It's bloody hard work!

The level of personal "control" over ones own emotions and feelings is immense and dangerous. I'm not quite that stalwart. I cry when I need to and if I choose to tell the world that my husband is sick and *I* need support in dealing with it, then so be it. It is my way of coping with it. Go suck lemons if you think this is the wrong approach.

As I mentioned earlier, if he'd 'just' broken his leg, no one would bat an eyelid if I wrote about it here. That he has broken his mind temporarily is no different only that the ignorant and stupid make it so.

Our close friends HAVE been amazing and helpful this past 14 days. They have travelled this road watching their dear friend - my husband - go through an incredible range of emotional turmoil, many heart-wrenching breakdowns to euphoric manic highs with its associated gobbledy-gook way of speaking and relating.

It's a lot of things that has done this to my husband. Yes! He does need to deal with it and get a grip on his life but first he needs to understand his emotional turmoil, dig his way through its mire, discover its roots and exorcise them so he can heal over the old wounds. There is stress, grief, loss, the burden of just too much responsibility and work. He doesn't cope with success well and nor does he cope with anger well. There is a lot of suppressed rage that needs to be allowed to be said safely and released without repercussion.

Currently, we are in intervention mode, with the hopefully short journey through the mine-field of anti-depressants and regular visits to various health professionals. We will get my husband well again.

For now, we will just try to ride this new barrel wave on the sea of life with Grace, Dignity and Good Humour!

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