Saturday, May 06, 2006

The chimera within us all

There is inside each and everyone of us a terrifying thing.

We all fear its power. We either choose to subjugate ourselves to it or we are in constant battle with it.

It's called the lack of integrity and authenticity in our presented face to the world.

We can SAY whatever we like about who we think we are or what we think we're about, But the truth is... we are only ever as much as what we think we want others to see.

True integrity and authenticity in a person is rare. When you find a person who is consistently and authentically as they are 75 percent of the time... then hang on to them as a friend, partner, lover for as long as you can - you won't find more honesty elsewhere!

And what of this authenticity I speak of? It is the open face of warm communication that says with hands, eyes, feet and tongue that what I am thinking right now IS what I'm being right now. When I am angry - you should know so! When I love you - you should know so! When I want to be alone, afraid, hungry, powerful, happy, you should know so as coherently as my being these things will attest.

It isn't thinking one thing and doing another. It isn't wanting something and not admitting that you want it - confusing the issue with "rights" and "needs" instead! It's not being perfectly presentable in the guise of sycophancy for the gratuitous gratification of self desire.

But... we all do this terrible thing! We all allow the chimera of deceit cloud our relationships with confusing messages of ambiguity. We tell "white lies", we tell large lies, we abhore violence and yet are drawn to it, we seek love when lust is our desire. We claim all manner of faith practise but we don't follow our own rules!

I carry this terrible thing. I will fight with it until my dying day. It's not that I want to or that I need to "accept" it as merely another side of my natural nature. I will never accept that I cannot be as authentic within as I am without. I desire the highest integrity and I will aim for that in everything I do.

If I can achieve a part of that goal - I will have lived a Good Enough life!

All I ask is for you to forgive me when I stuff it up. We know we ALL do that!

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