Wednesday, January 14, 2009

overwhelm good: overwhelm bad

Seems to be a big week for me.

Overwhelmed is the catchphrase of each day. My new job as a Project Worker with a Volunteer Resource Centre is taxing my brain to the hilt. I'm being thrown in "gently" by trying to absorb as much information as I can. Once January is over, and the year finally begins with the kids going back to school and volunteer groups all re-convening, my job is bound to get extremely busy. The sheer networking task I have ahead is amazing, contacting people and getting to know them and their needs with all things Volunteers! Wow! What a job this will be!

That is the Overwhelm good. I walk home each day around 1530 and I muse on the providence of being given a job that matches my skills and interests. This is the kind of work I wanted and I whisper prayers of gratitude for this chance to do something useful with my time and talents.

There is so much to learn though. Just sifting through the expectations of my position and what is required under the funding agreements with Government is quite daunting really. I only vaguely feel out of my depth, but thankfully, each hour makes me more sure that I am in the right place at last. At least for now.

The other face to the Overwhelm coin is "bad". Some weeks ago, I began a friendship with an Australian man online via Second Life. A sweet, wonderfully enticing connection with someone I really liked - and still do very much. Sadly, at least for now, that won't continue as it had. It hurts a bit and I get quite emotional about it if I think too much on it. I'd give in and re-connect but for different reasons, which I won't elaborate on here, it isn't feasible.

I already miss our conversations and the laughter. It's nice to have that "click" with a member of the opposite sex. That open camaraderie and rapport that is so easy and just flows between kindred souls... he is a terrific person and I wish him well.

Someday we may actually catch up in 'Meat Space' and enjoy a wine and a laugh. I hope so. For now though, the pinching ache of sadness lurks around looking to poke me in the heart strings and remind me of what "might" have been "if only". That may dissipate in time but nevertheless, it's always going to be a sad thing - and even a little "bad" - that some friendships just aren't easily available in the here and now.

Already, this is proving to be an interesting year! Overwhelm is good or bad or both... dealing with it is as much about "flow" as anything else. Emotional flow is not my strong suit but I'm learning as I go :) For which I am grateful.

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