Sunday, August 03, 2008

Random things that spin ones being

Two weeks ago, I lost Preciousss.

Preciousss (think Gollum from Lord of the Rings and you get the inflectional speech pattern behind all those s's) is my Macbook which I got just on a year ago. I have loved her and honoured her every day since then.

But alas and alack! She died.

Apparently she had a faulty hard drive!

And of being the idiotic "it'll-be-right" stupid thing that I am, failed to have EVERYTHING backed up to within an inch of its next byte so practically lost the lot.

15 gig and counting of music is a big thing to "lose". It means having to reload all those CD's, and plead with bat to re-send me all the music he's sent me this past twelve months (getting bat to a post office is about as easy as turning water into wine...only a very select few are capable of it... me ain't one of them!)

..... and NOT syncing the precious music still languishing on my ipod into oblivion when I next hook her up to the depressingly blank itunes on here!

I have Preciousss back as of yesterday, resurrected with a whole new heart and lung system.

All the thoughts, writing, photos, images, and many documents of the past year are lost to the ether. It will be interesting to see if I ever actually need any of it or miss it. I think the pic I have for my profile here in Blogger is now gone too, but will have to check what little backups I do have to make sure. Damn! It's a good pic of me too really.

This past two weeks have seen me "working" too. I was temping as a receptionist for three weeks and then landed a job as Manager of our local Wendy's Ice cream and hot dog stand in our shopping centre!

I am afraid to say that I won't be going back to the Wendy's job after this first week. Never in all my born days have I detested, despised and hated a job so intensely from day one! I'm reasonably astute I think...I had my doubts about this job even when I applied for it. My gut told me not to but failing to take notice as per usual, I did so anyway because I really don't have a lot of options when being unemployed after all. Or so I thought anyway! I shall be more careful from now on and listen to my belly speak its mind when it comes to a clear "no" about a potential job I think!

I landed the job and my new boss thought I would be "fantastic" at it! In fact, nearly everyone (those who don't me that well anyway) thought I'd be "fantastic" at it!

I refused to listen to my inner voice screaming at me inside "Don't think so buddy!". Instead, I thought "I don't have much choice - it's a job! What's to making ice cream!".

Even on my first day, the sight of all that soft serve dairy made me feel like puking on the spot. All that sweet, sticky, creamy, milky ice-cream arrayed in varying colours and flavours inside the front cabinet made me cringe with horror. I couldn't pour the five rounds of soft serve into a cup to make a thick shake to save my life and I hated every minute standing at that mixing machine! Making a strawberry banana split smoothie made me want to hurl it down the plaza floor with every frantic spinning movement of ingredient grabbing. Oh my Lordy! How I hated this job! Unbelievably so.

What a lesson in not listening to ones inner bean eh?

I landed a job! I thought I was happy to have a full-time job! I was instinctively cringing even before I got there.

I have sobbed every single night this past week as I went to bed, dreading the next day.

To feel such dread over a mere ice-cream job seems impossibly selfish and insane but I just couldn't do it! The culture of the franchised corporate fast-food treat industry just does not, apparently, suit my demeanour or style of operation. The thought of having to shove one more ice-cream coated lick-stick into someones face over the counter without their permission bordered on the obscenely rude and pretentious and my gut reacted with violent disdain over it all. The con of the "up sell" to customers to part them from their money and fill their bellies with dangerously high kilojoule readings was also cringe-worthy.

I should have known of course. My whole body reacted to the futility of me doing this work even before I began. Even my own dear almost psychic mother "knew" that it "would never last".

The boss was a cool dude though and I think I might have enjoyed working for him...even if he is a little bit of an energiser bunny on speed kind of guy; but still...he was pleasant enough and we seemed to get along okay. The job just didn't suit me.

Live and learn!

So now I'm back to churning out job application letters and revising my poor resume. Thankfully, I have that at least saved on a flash disk somewhere! I think!

Between, being so frenetically busy this past month, to losing dear Preciousss, to being totally blind-sided by an experience I never expected I would ever have in my lifetime aka hating a job to the point of slashing ones wrists with an ice cream scoop... I have to say, that maybe now it's time to focus on what I DO want in life rather than just grabbing at something just because it happens to be there you know!

What do I want to do?

I have no freaking idea!

That is the dilemma for me and has been since I gave up selling vast amounts of dangerous kilojoules to people in the meat pie industry!

I keep telling myself "I want to write" but quite frankly...I have no idea what and who for! If I write for myself, I might as well just blog for the rest of my days and I do that already anyway. Not expecting to shine in that department anytime soon though.

What kind of work do I want to pay my bills?

I guess being a receptionist is pretty cool so long as I had enough work to do! The temp job was great but I did feel a bit overwhelmed by the power of the group mind there in that place and the fact that I felt so out of my league. Even so, I'd have gotten used to that work if there'd been enough of it.

At least I have Preciousss back though :) That is very cool. It's a bit like getting a brand new exercise book in school where you promise that you'll write very, very neatly in it too. I've been vowing to keep Preciousss super organised etc. But as is the way with these things...we will see ;)

I'm so relieved right now that I don't have to go back to that ice cream job too. The boss rang me this morning and we both agreed to mutual satisfaction, that I was not suited to the position and he'll move on and so will I. I can comfortably go back to walking past Wendy's in the Plaza as if it doesn't exist again (I've hardly ever shopped there since my kids were toddlers and essentially walked past it without hardly noting its existence this past 10 years or so! That's saying something yeah?).

If People judge me for this decision - more fool them! As for me, if someone leaves a job after a week because they simply hate it and feel they'll never be able to be successful at it - I say More Power to them for the wisdom to know so soon!

Reloading my life as of now.

No comments: