Thursday, June 12, 2008

Red and yellow and pink and green.....


I have seen a mental rainbow or two these past few days :)

The Rainbow has always been a kind of "totem" for me. Once long ago, I was in a music ministry team called Rainbow of Promise and we travelled through the mid-west USA and south east India.

It was a crucible experience for me that time. I left Australia a "girl" and came back a very different woman as a result.

During those difficult months on that team, I always felt the "Hand of God" being present in my life and supporting me and the evidence of that was I believed, in the simple acknowledgment of his grace through the rainbow symbol.

In the old testament, Noah was given the sign of the rainbow after a cataclysmic flood that destroyed pretty much everything except him and a few odd bods he had with him in his big boat. The sign was God saying "Never again, will I destroy the earth like this...I promise".

In time, the rainbow has taken on a kind of "new age" significance in that it promises Hope and Restoration after crises and turmoil. I kind of took it for that back in those days, as a symbol of being cared for by a force bigger than myself despite the stormy physical and emotional seas I was riding at the time.

Any time I saw a representation or the real thing, [aka a Rainbow], be it a pattern on a shower curtain to the incredible phenomenon itself in the sky, it soothed me and calmed me in a very spiritually significant way. It acted like an anchor for my spirit and to this day the rainbow, as a symbol, still holds deep personal significance for me.

A rainbow is actually a circular prism effect. The water in the atmosphere acts as a prism for light to pass through, refracting the white light spectrum we see with the naked eye into its component coloured parts. The light is split, in effect, into the actual essence and character of its constituent parts. In effect, a rainbow is the ultimate "team" phenomenon; individual distinct and very DIFFERENT colours combining into a whole to create a singular light. Wouldn't be great if most teams were like this? :)

There was a time before my team experience overseas, when I flew a glider into a double circular set of rainbows; one inside the other and perfect, beautiful, fully prismatic circles at around 2000 metres height thereabouts. It was a very powerful and moving experience and one I have never forgotten. So, when I did get onto the team called...Rainbow of Promise...the synchronicity of that effect and the name was too great to ignore as mere ...well...coincidence :)

And remembering back even further into my past, I recall a time when as a very young girl, my little sister and I would sing the Rainbow Song as a "round" over and over and over together. I always loved doing that with her. (Red and Yellow and Pink and green....)

This past few months, I've not seen a lot of rainbows in my life. Not even too many representations of one. I wonder why that is?

I've not really looked for them so maybe I just haven't noticed them as I did back in my 20's when they were such a powerful motif for me.

I've felt rather bereft too as a result. TERRIBLY confused and often totally lacking any kind of Hope that reassures and soothes...just blind emotional alleyways one after another. It's been a very depressing few months.

The cosmos has shifted this past week. It's like a cool breeze is licking its virgin tendrils around my toes and I can feel a change in the wind about to occur.

Still! There are no rainbows present to soothe or charm me into a sense of Divine Security...but even so, I still feel "something" is happening for the better. I feel lighter and less morose and less like I am being contained inside a bubble of despair.

Exorcising ones demons is a painful process and I tend to flog at myself with a series of high intensity cat-o'-nines too. Treating my inner child with respect and compassion is never easy for me as I so emphatically believe that child is so undeserving of so much. That perspective IS changing! I AM better than that. If God can choose who is the LEAST of the least....then am I not deserving? Yes! I am.

Life is changing in ways I can barely begin to understand and because I am so ruthlessly into being able to understand and KNOW what is going on in my world, here then and in time to come...this very thing freaks me out even more than emotional angst and in-the-moment pain. I have a love/hate fear of change. I enjoy the variety change brings but I like to be in control of the surprises all the same. It's quite the conundrum to be like this. I hate not knowing anything and if things blind-side me it sends me spinning out of control like the proverbial top!

This time though, it feels like the changes are ringing in fresh hopes and dreams. It is now time for me to grow in new directions and behaviours, ideas and philosophies. It is now time for me to experience the Rainbow that IS Life and not simply observe the rainbow symbol as a token reminder of Gods grace, separate and distinct from my moments.

Now its time to live it.

1 comment:

eolake said...

Michelle, thanks for the nice comment on "A Love Story".

Re what you wrote:
"Occupation: Still searching for the THING I am meant to do!"

Maybe you're a "renaissance soul"? I have two books: "refuse to choose" and "The Renaissance Soul".