Saturday, June 07, 2008

a mind full of absolutes

I think in absolutes.

Either/Or is one of the ingredients that mixes into my thinking patterns like base colour into tinted paint.

My head lives either side of the present... sometimes in the past....predominately in the future.

Either/Or Thinking loves the future and sinks its barbed little fangs into it like it was a vampire drinking blue-blooded royalty.

When I imagine the future, I imagine any given Either/Or combination of possibilities. Usually such that I guarantee, almost inevitably, of castrating any chances for joy or happiness. I expect to BE disappointed because Either/Or Thinking ensures that there are no other viable alternatives to consider. When I do get joy or happiness, I treat them like windfalls in a lottery rather than a given right of the human condition. Absolute Joy is a rare commodity that is only rarely received and even less often warranted or deserved.

Oh I seek Joy! Absolutely I seek joy and happiness. I set up all manner of scenario's for the future potential of obtaining joy and happiness from within the confines of my mind. I set up such vivid scenes of incredible and outstanding success as to ensure absolute dismal failure in achieving them because they are simply so unrealistic and presumptuous that they are mere fantasy! I am so very often disappointed they never turn out like I had "hoped".

The full play of life's spectrum of events is totally out of my control - but does that stop me from seeking to control it? No way! I will have MY way or not at all. MY way is the way that guarantees I will get what I actually expect and what I actually expect is that nothing will actually go "my way".

As much as I want it all... there is a side of me that absolutely believes I won't get any at all.

On the face of things, this thinking seems totally stupid and unnecessary. I do wonder though, how many people harbour such thought processing deep in the recesses of their mind. How many human beings subject themselves to massive doses of potential disappointment because they already set themselves up for it in the way they think about things.

Either/Or thinking isn't helpful most of the time. Sure! There are possibly occasions when going through all the avenues of consideration for making a sound choice is definitely wise. However, Either/Or Thinking must be reigned in if one is to learn how to just let the present be itself for no other reason that its here right now.

Failure might be a perverse sort of companion but its a consistent one and rarely lets you down if you allow it.

Thing is... is it actually possible for people to think in anything BUT Either/Or Absolutes? I don't actually know. People don't generally talk about the theory of mind from their own perspective much do they?

I'd give my back teeth to be able to spend just five minutes inside the present moment and not keeping leaping ahead into the future with a possibility or imagined flight of fancy! I'd give my left arm for the mental clarity to give Either/Or Thinking the flick and accept that wonderful Que Sera Sera thing... What will be, will be... without second guessing what exactly, I would like that "will be" to turn out like.

Dreaming about the possibilities beyond now can really suck some days. It'd be nice just for once, to merely accept the Right Here/Right Now simply for what it is and let it have its own space inside my head.

Sadly...that's apparently not absolute enough for me. I find little drama in a now that doesn't either disappoint or send me into heaven absolutely.

Man! I am such a loser at this In the Moment stuff! *sigh*

I guess I might just have to accept that I will probably be always... absolutely always...at war with Either/Or Thinking inside my disastrously convoluted mind!

2 comments:

Steve said...

I like your emphasis on either or. Either you are happy or you are not. That stuff is built in to our makeup. Are you smiling ..or not?
But Michelle, what about magic? Always keep the door open to the possibility of miracles. Dare to dream, dare to ask. Let me know. Let us know!

Just Me said...

I agree, the possibility of wonderful things is always there. When things go wrong, I try and look at them and find something positiv in it, regardless how little and insignificant, and focus on that. Then I look around me and take in how truely blessed I am. I try and find 3 positiv things in that and it makes me feel so much better.
And dreams are here to be dreamed.