...is the opposite of coherence.
I feel dissolute today and I don't know why!
Pieces of me feel like they're been strewn across a painted emotional landscape, fluttering like ticker-tape into puddles, the colours of my being seeping like old blood to the edges.
I'm so tired right now.
Weak and uncontrolled.
It's these tapes in my head of course.
I've been re-working them all day. The negative thinking drones in terminal loops inside my brain so I regularly must stop myself and strategically rearrange this perverse energy into "rational" thought. I am trying to have internal conversations with a view to "correcting" my thinking processes and thereby relieve this emotional stress I feel. It's hard!
I try to construct some sort of coherence and meaning from this.
Why would today be of such ilk as this?
What is missing? What do I need to do/think/feel/say to be together - coherered - again?
At least tomorrow is another day. This too will pass. :)