Yesterday I was struggling with strange feelings of being unravelled and coming apart.
I still don't quite know why I was feeling like that. I've been on an incredible high these past few weeks since having discovered my Genius, so I guess it's inevitable to have to come down off this mountain some time.
I'd like to turn around and go straight back up but that wasn't practical for Moses, not even the second time around, so I figure it's probably not practical for me either. Genius is what we do for others, not so much ourselves. This means that a lot of the euphoria of change and identification I've felt these past few weeks, now needs to be channelled into constructive "doing" things that will help this human train we're all on, travel to its destination smoothly.
I also didn't start yesterday with my usual morning prayer.
Each morning I wake up I ask my God to bless my day and the day of each person who's name or face pops into my mind in those early waking moments. This habit of mine consistently seems to make my days go better, smoother and more positively. When I fall out of this habit, I find I struggle uphill a lot more. It may sound wierd to you of course, but it works for me ;)
The day shouldn't, technically, have been such a dark tapestry of internal conflict. I had the pleasure of catching up with a dear girlfriend whom I rarely see these days what with our busy schedules. It was so lovely to see her and hear all her news. That was indeed a highlight.
However, by last night, I was desperate for some kind of release from the inner commotion of disturbed thought and feeling so I turned off the tele and put on music (of course! ;))...
Radiohead's "The Bends" album filled the spot nicely. Moody and replete with dark, sad lyrics, it's kinda ironic that this type of music should lift the clouds from my heart, but it did. It was as if Thom knew exactly how I felt and channelled my gloomy distress into velvety sounds that caressed the sadness slowly toward joy again.
To finish off the evening, I then turned to an old favourite...
Dark side of the Moon of course, by Pink Floyd :)
Nothing is more guaranteed to bring a song to my lips and a smile to my heart.
All is well. :)