Saturday, August 22, 2009

unsure of everything

There is a line from one of my favourite songs from the mid 70's by the Steve Miller Band that goes

Time keeps on slipping slipping slipping into the future
Ergo the phrase is a little mundane given that time is such a difficult construct to pin down with any philosophical accuracy. Still...I need to go dig the track out and play it loud I think. It may actually soothe and answer where other balms have failed.

Bemused can hardly describe the conflicted emotional state I've been in of late.

Perhaps it is my work that is consuming my focus that I find it so hard to express myself as freely as I once did.

I feel shy. Impossibly shy. It's hard to know why other than the depths of self-consciousness and horror at my inadequacies as a person are overwhelming some days.

Once upon a short while ago, I was able to write creatively in this blog without fear of retribution or rancour. Now, I find myself scared to write in here.

Blogging is a public domain gig. You are, in effect, playing karaoke to a room full of critics with the sum of your thoughts. One needs to wear the consequences of the occasional "flat note" and ride the waves of derision that come afterwards with good humour. Not as easy as that sounds. How can honesty prevail when cloaks and/or masks must be worn to protect the innocent?

This is flux time. A time when words are re-directed into other pursuits. It is a time of curtailing and a time for exorcising inner demons in other ways than through the power of writing a basic introspective self-important blog.

Perhaps aMusing is coming to an end?

Perhaps my genius... formerly named 'constructing coherence'... is re-baking its usefulness for other purposes?

It is a time to be aware that everything is unsure and uncertain and accept it is so.

As my dear friend bat always said, "We shall see".


3 comments:

Petermcc said...

I hope you are not going to stop blogging Michelle. I thoroughly enjoy reading your heartfelt contributions.

I follow about a dozen bloggers and your turn of phrase is the most interesting and well written. Sometimes I reread your work trying to figure out just why it "reads" so well.

I have been flat on the odd occasion which usually manifests itself by hardly any blog pieces but I still read others efforts and eventually it pulls me back in.

Michelle said...

Thank you so much for your kind encouragement Petermcc.

I will blog again... it's just a season I'm travelling through :)

Must put more creative stories up again I reckon instead of all this "whining" about my current moods! hahaha

Thanks again. Your support means a lot.

Paul said...

Of course the stories are welcome. I hope to hear more about Ariadne.

Feel free to take a break. Blogging might not be the best way to deal with very personal or uncomfortable thoughts. Conversation might be much better for that, and the blog doesn't really offer conversation.