Saturday, December 06, 2008

If nothing could stop me...I would


yeah? What would I do if nothing could stop me from doing it? Not the weather, other people, financial constraints, emotional issues like fear of failure or fear of success, location, children, obligations to groups and society...nothing at all?

What WOULD I really WANT to do if nothing in all creation could ever stop me from doing those things?

Asking this question generates this vast cavernous space in my being as if I just opened a door from a closed room and outside the door is the vastness and wonder of space itself with colourful nebula's spinning in the expanse of the light of a zillion stars! It's a vista of incomparable wonder and deafeningly way too awesome to comprehend in a moments viewing. I need to contemplate and sit and view and wonder and muse on it.

I need to make it all make sense first. Categorize everything under the headings. Box everything into understandable functions and subjects that can be quickly referenced as required. Encyclopedic sorting of the information is necessary to my sense of coherence. I can cross-reference the stuff in the boxes easily - no problemo! It's getting the stuff into those boxes in the first place that takes up my entire minds work in the interim.

Asking this question is like sorting out the garage. You open the door and immediately trip over the flotsam of family life; bikes, the BBQ, tool boxes, boxes of home-brewed beer bottles waiting to be filled from the still on the bench. There is rubbish, debris from past projects never finished, painted bonnets on cars your son was into air-brushing for hours three weeks ago, ropes, discarded tarps from the garage party your daughter organised three months ago...the list of piled up plans and projects dumped inside the door of the garage goes on.

You take a deep breath and you narrow the focus. You bear down on the overwhelming urge to turn and close the door again. You simply start and pick up the first thing available and take it outside. My usual strategy for "cleaning up" a mess like this is to remove EVERYTHING OUT of the space and then clean and sort what goes back into the space in a lovely orderly fashion. Once inside this process I find it enormously cathartic and good fun too - especially if I can play my music loud on the stereo as I work :)

But if NOTHING could stop me from doing what I deep down genuinely really wanted to do?

I can barely find what that is among the junk behind the door! I can barely begin to grasp the amazing and mind-blowing expanse of beautiful lit space outside that door!

Overwhelmed by this question, I want to dump this post and come back another day. Let me go sort it out... think about it... muse on it...catergorize...

You know what?

That's probably what I would do!

If nothing could stop me.

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