Friday, September 12, 2008

sense of urgent momentum

Feeling increasingly like I have to burst out and DO something of late.

the intense feeling of needing to change something about my life...particularly what I do for a living... is really pushing from within today.

I currently work in a small cafe during the day. The pay is casual rates so its a bit higher than if I was full-time, but even so, it's barely enough to subsist currently. I quite literally need either another better paying job or I need to find another source of income ASAP.

I have felt for some time that I have something to offer the world in terms of what I can do but I don't yet fully know HOW I can bring it into being.

For one thing, I am convinced its something to do with both writing and the internet. Making money from it is now my focus but HOW?

There's a tonne of advice out there for making money on the internet but most of it is dodgy and silly in the extreme. Those who do succeed at making money from internet enterprises work very very hard in a very very small niche that others have not been able to replicate or do well.

I've yet to discover my particular internet niche where what I do well, (and if I could even come close to knowing exactly what that could be easier, but I don't!), and what I love doing - writing and musing - could bring in some extra income for my family and charitable interests.

But the sensation of a profound PUSH is burbling away inside of me today as if I'm a chrysalis on the verge of some grand awakening. I know its just around the corner. It's there just behind the bend where I can feel its presence but not its face.

WHAT is it that I am going to do?

WHO will I do it with?

The "Why?" is easy. It's my time to break free from being someone else's "slave" and do something that makes my mark on this planet.

yes! I DO want a better income than what I currently have and yes! I believe I actually NEED a better income than what I currently have. I refuse to be locked into a pattern or lifestyle that says "I'm not worth more than this!". My kids are a thousand times more deserving of their Mum making a better than average income than what she's currently earning!

I want to write. I want to be someone who makes a difference. I want my family to push forward into the future with optimism and a powerful sense of being able to DO things that are important without having to stress over the pennies.

I don't want a fancy life style with champagne trimmings, I just want to be in a position where I have leverage to create something better for EVERYONE.

By nature I am generous. I absolutely feel completely and utterly blissfully happy when I can GIVE to others, particularly sharing material things through gift-giving or charitable donations. I love being able to share my resources with those I love and with those things I believe in. It hurts to not be able to do that freely and it has to change! I won't live in a world where I'm not free to be able to give.

Sure! I need to be a lot more savvy about planning for a financially secure future and maybe this current lean phase in my life is teaching me those very lessons. However, it must not last long. I have two teenagers who deserve so much more than a mother feeling "trapped" inside a poverty mindset.

I NEED to break free from it and I need to absolutely find something that builds our lives forward so that my family, my town, my country and my planet all get the reciprocal benefits of me not thinking "small" anymore!

What do you want me to write for you?

Help me make a difference.

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