Wednesday, March 26, 2008

12 monkeys and a map


so my christian brothers and sisters will probably have a heart attack over this one but I wanted to test it to see if it "could" work.

On the road in the Airport shuttlebus last week on our way to the airport for our trip to Darwin, I asked God a rather impertinent thing.

I wanted external validation for a particular conundrum and decided to test whether God agreed to my desired choice. I wondered if what He thought could be proven with a projection of something a little bit "unlikely" to occur at any other time.

So, with a bit of silly childishness, I demanded that God show me 12 monkeys over the course of this week. From Thursday 20th March to Monday 31st of March.

There were certain "rules" to this game.

1) The monkeys could be in any form such as on fabric, or in a cartoon or real and so on.
2) The monkeys had to be recognisable as clearly being monkeys (chimpanzees and apes did not really qualify)
3) That multitudes of monkeys within the same context such as a pattern on fabric or in a movie, were to be counted as a single monkey. The exception being if they were live monkeys!

By yesterday afternoon, I had an abundance of monkeys! I had counted up to 9 yesterday morning but after our trip to Crocodylus Park, I saw 12+ monkeys in one hit in a place I hardly expected to see them!!! I was going to a reptile park afterall and never in my imagination did I expect to see monkeys of at least four different species but all recognisable and definitively alive!

My "conundrum" is now further embedded into my psyche.

You see....NOW... I am wondering if it was just my desire to have MY particular answer clearly stated in the affirmative that I actually "attracted" the monkeys to my visual cortex through sheer mental focus!

Dang it! That bloody Law of Attraction thing sucks you know! One can't ask for external validation that is objective when one sets the rules of engagement of such validation. I have learned that now.

Thing is! HOW does one receive external validation without getting preached at with over-used biblical injunctions? You can't KNOW anything it seems until after the event

That is so frustrating! My eternally quixotic nature wants to have every detail of the future explored before I actually get around to exploring it. I am highly strategic by nature. I move only if I feel that the foundations for movement are secure. When I do not feel secure, I fret and aim to see around corners, including the ones in my future, so I can effect as strategic a plan as possible based on known information. I simply hate not knowing! I want a MAP for goodness sake!

And now I sit here confused and frustrated because I wonder if my 12 monkeys I essentially ordered from God were not from God at all but from my own desires to have my future plotted and planned according to my own selfish agenda!

Do not order stuff from God. If he answers you in the affirmative, it may prove more information than you are willing to handle. I can't begin to describe how confusing it can be either!

I really don't have that much faith in the Law of Attraction for this very reason. If it does work (as in my case it seems to have on first appearances), it seems to be just an extension of the desire within to manifest without - which has nothing to do with God but everything to do with ones personal intentions, to get what one wants come hell or high water! Not exactly an objective moral ethic I should think even if it is... extraordinary/miraculous...whatever... to the mind of the beholder!

Some might answer, that the map I seek is already here in the form of The Bible.

Alternatively though, some might say, "So? What is the problem? You have your answer and even it IS from within you, doesn't that prove that what you want is truly what you want, so you can go for it anyway?"

Both are true opinions.

Both are also frustratingly not-that-simple. One usually contradicts the other. The Bible is clear about moral ethics. What I want is clear. The two haven't yet gelled into a clearly coherent form enough for me to feel sufficiently balanced and calm about the direction I need to take.

In other words, I want my cake and I want to eat it too and the bible will tell me otherwise!

Oh dear! I am so going to get into trouble for this one!

Please don't question my Faith my fellow christians! I question it enough already!

And those in the LOA camp can also go jump in the lake on this one - it's already screwed with my head enough this week thanks. Selfishness and self-aggrandizement just isn't on the agenda no matter how grateful I feel for my 12 monkeys!


circles .... I am going in circles!


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