update for rita

... some people have very generously come forward to express some concern for "my" well-being this past week due to the fact that I've not posted for awhile about baz's progress and health. This post is to those people with my gratitude :)

All is ticking along. :)

I am fine and am rather enjoying the down time for a bit while the weather is so intensely hot outside.

Baz is enjoying the down time snoozing in front of the tele and awaking to realize he has missed whole sets of The Hopman Cup! *giggle* He is sleeping a lot and I suspect that that could be a side-effect of the medications he is currently on.

He is calm and mostly reasonable but also a little "closed" too, but that is okay for now. We are both regrouping and finding our centre again after the emotional onslaught of the past month.

I still admit to feeling distant from and somewhat angry with him but its more muted now. I just want him well enough that we can start earning an income. As I have taken charge of some of the financial decisions in our family of late, it's hard to feel very confident that we will be looked after financially as I see our small cash supply slowly dwindling on everyday living expenses.

A part of me keeps saying "The money will come!" and indeed I know it will. I have given up being just too worried about financial outcomes and am learning to allow things to happen as they will and must. A rather large account from the accountant will need some negotiation on payment terms though. S'okay, we will survive :) We have incurred a few small personal loans from family and friends which we will pay back with interest in due course. Money is a fine blessing and a terrible curse. When we place too much emphasis on it it tends to distort what blessings we do (or don't) notice.

The new shop is coming along. We have probably one of the most blessed gifts anyone in this situation could be given and that is the gift of dedicated and helping friends. Our closest friends are stepping up and filling in where we cannot or dare not and its amazing what has been achieved in a couple of weeks with their determination and enthusiasm. If the new shop had been left to me to organise on my own, it would never have gotten this far! I have absolutely no idea about painting, "bogging", cutting in and cabinetry. Thank God for handy friends eh? :)

The kids are taking it all in their stride. It's school holidays and being the self-obsessed teens that they are, they seem to be skirting around this past months life-glitch with equanimity.

I'm still planning on leaving for Germany on the 3rd of Feb. The kids will most likely have the rudest shock of all with mum being "on strike" for nearly a month. It IS time they learned that the dishes don't wash themselves and that clothes need to stay folded in order to look good when you want to wear them! The iron is not just that heavy, odd-shaped thing in the cupboard... it's USEFUL and sometimes necessary!!! hahaha! We will see. The mother bird is tossing her babies out of the nest now and MAKING them fly all by themselves! It's time!

Even if our business isn't officially opened by the time I leave, at least baz will have his leisure to get it set up and slowly discover his love for his craft again in due course. When I get back from my trip, we will do the big public Grand Opening splash :) I am looking forward to doing that! I LIKE doing public awareness campaigns! hahaha :)

Time is ephemeral right now. There is the hint of pressure but it is sort of far-away and has this weird, warpy feel to it. Things feel slow and a little bit dreamy. Not really urgent...not even overly "important" even though there are many things that are!

I feel well though. I am excited about my forthcoming adventure and I am content within myself. Life is flowing without having to push and shove just too hard. I guess that shoving will have to come in time and I WILL work hard this coming year as and when I must. In the meantime, I'm kicking back and letting the flux of change go around and around while I stay centred in the hub and enjoy the view.