Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Dreams of 08


Today, New Year's Day 2008, I am reminded of a kind of "dream" I had quite some months ago.

In a series of moving pictures inside my mind (It was a kind of lucid dream I think) while sitting at the PC across the room here, I imagined the following thing.

An old fashioned racing car, coloured green and emblazoned with the number 08 on its side. I couldn't find an accurate image of it but the one shown here is very close to how I imagined the car.

Now that it is "08". I am rather strangely and suddenly reminded of this image.

Was it a portent of some kind? At the time of the vision, I had no idea what it meant and it was mixed in with a bunch of other images too that flowed from one to another. Of course my memory of that dream is now disjointed and I have forgotten some of the pieces to it but certain elements stand out clearly.

Racing into 08?

I'm not sure. To be honest, I do believe in the potential of dreams to provide a forecast of the future. The Old Testament is rife with this kind of oracle of the prophets, through whom God told his people, in imagery, what lay ahead. Interpretation though, in this current age, isn't easy though; we seem to have lost the ability to understand and translate visual symbols for ourselves without clever and energetic Hollywood editing!

The elements in this racing car are surreal for me. For one thing I do NOT know anything about historic f1 racing vehicles and have not really followed the history of this sport. Why I should dream of this specific type of vehicle is strange. I will say that I have always liked the "shape" of these older f1 cars better than I like the shape of current f1 cars!

The colour green is my favourite. That deep, rich emerald quality green that is strong but not violent. I feel best when I am surrounded by the depth and richness of this colour. To me it has clarity and strength even while it reminds me of the calm peace of nature. Diamonds are beautiful but seem cold and heartless against the depth of a true emerald.

The number 08: Well my only hunch is the fact that today is the first day of 08 like I said! Why this is important is anyones guess. I do suspect that this coming year will be a very full year of many delights and challenges...but then most years are like that eh? :)

And so I am left wondering and not a little perplexed as to why this image, of this weird little car, has come back to me this day.

What do I intend for this coming year anyway?

* I intend to travel and am booked to fly to Germany this coming February. For the first time I'll meet my friend Martin and his family face-to-face instead of communicating over the net :) Am I nervous? Not really! It should be a fun month. Its close to two years since we met on the Genius Workshop and its not often that you stumble onto quality friendships that can go the distance.

* We, as in baz and I, intend to work on his wellness and health. The main thrust of this will be to establish an Action Plan that we can have ready to help him in the event of any further mania attacks. Of course, prevention will be our key priority.

* We also intend to open our new business premises so that baz has better working conditions and hours. The old premises is now shut permanently. I'm trying to organise some financial assistance from the bank to cover ourselves while we're not generating regular income. We expect to have the new shop up and running within the next couple of months. Even while I'm away for three weeks in February, baz will have time to make the shop work for him, first time, without the pressure of having to actually produce product too. If we get it open before I leave...then that will be good too. He is really looking forward to being back and doing what he was put here on earth to do...making great food :) (Some people fall into a career that is such a good fit for them they are a genius at it...my baz is one of these lucky people)

* One thing I do want to do this coming year, but which terrifies me even more than spending 5 hours in Bangkok Airport... and that is to figure out what exactly I SHOULD be doing with my writing! There is this gnawing desire deep within me to write "something" that would make a difference. To say I'd like to write a "novel" seems inordinately silly. I am terrified of the concept and all manner of excuses why I CANNOT do something like this immediately come to mind.

As a wife, mother, and business owner, my time and energy is split in many different ways. To find time to write and to enjoy the writing process can be frustrating and even draining. Frustration is the writer's biggest motivation killer!

I KNOW there is a story inside of me there somewhere! I just wish it would magically appear into the prefrontal cortex of my rational brain, so I could just get it out through my fingers onto the digital page!

When it comes to writing, I am no technician... I'm shocking at really polished writing as readers will attest. At best, I'm probably more the raw, emergent type writer as coined by Dave Pollard recently ... (I am still blushing about that :)). The writing just "comes" when it wants to without any help from me.

* I intend to keep up with my German language lessons. I'm getting better at being able to pick up the language I hear spoken and reading some of it but I totally SUCK at being able to construct and say my own sentences! It's very frustrating but I don't want to let this hiccup beat me. I suspect that if I can ride over the top of this challenge, it will click soon enough and I'll finally be able to say what I want to say without getting it "wrong" all the time!

Though it's hard to predict what the coming year will bring, I find myself a little apprehensive about it. Usually I am quite hopeful and positive about the coming of a New Year. I have always enjoyed the pleasure of starting afresh on a new page so to speak. However, this coming year seems to weigh on me a little today. It feels sort of "heavy" with unknown pressures and difficulties. It's a perspective I do hope won't continue for long.

Focusing on these rather gloomy feelings will only make me notice those occasions that occur this coming year where these feelings fully resonate, so my aim now is to consciously place my focus on the good moments I experience in this coming year and to savour them with attentive, in-the-moment joy.

The goal for 08 then for me is "Notice the Joy of your moments".

3 comments:

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hi Michelle,
Just wanted to wish you A HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Fireworks, Cheers, Kisses)

May all that you desire be presented to you in loving spoonfuls. May the new year also bring you a sense of renewal and peace.

All the best my dear.

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hi Michelle,
You have been tagged. See my blog for details.

Have fun.

Michelle said...

Thanks ms Fairfield *grin*

Again I find in you a constant support and encouragement. I would dearly love to know which films you helped script m'dear :)

It's almost like knowing Hollywood "royalty" to have a real screen writer comment on my blog this past year! hahaha!

Seriously though, you rock Alexys! thanks for your kindness, your wisdom, your beautiful insights and your friendship.