Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Be kind to a weary woman week.

It seems that many many women in my age group are just plain TIRED!

A whole week should really be dedicated to women in general...not just a Mothers Day :)

This week was hellishly busy. I can feel the beginnings of a cold sneaking into my nose and throat. I'm run down and weary. Trying too hard to fit everything I WANT to fit into my days and hours. But I am fine and reasonably content. This week wasn't as busy as I expected it would be but nor was it a "cruise" either. There will be busier weeks ahead I'm sure of it!

It's just the way things are.

Women were made to manage a vast number of things. Many of those things are directly or indirectly the result of the doings of other people. We pick up after our families, extended families, friends, distant relations, workmates, bosses, volunteer organisations, groups, clubs, schools, committee's. We clean, we wash, we smooth/iron out things from emotional trauma's and miniture tragedies to the clothes and the bathroom basin. We listen to stories, we tell stories; we shed tears, we wipe tears; we plan, we implement and we negotiate all manner of organisational conundrums.

Depending on our innate or learned level of personal organisation, we can get a great deal done in a day.

Thing is we often DO so much that we forget to just STOP and BREATHE and just feel something other than overwhelming exhaustion.

There is no joy in being a middle-age and being like this. None at all! Many women thrive on being hyper-busy. They love the kudo's it brings them; the raison d' etre for their existence is to prove how capable and "helpful" they can be.

Other women - and I count myself amongst this second group - get incredibly stressed and overwhelmed when they have just way too much to do in a short amount of time. Some of us in that second group handle it through being really organised and a liberal dose of humour, some just flounder and become very depressed that they can't do it "all" like they think they should be able to.

It's just a matter of perspective really....and yes being organised does help enormously. Not everything can a wife/mother/daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/best friend/friend/volunteer/workmate/employee say "NO!" to; however, we can say "No!" a lot more often than we do.

I guess it boils down to making SPACE to move and to feel our buried emotions, that in a crowded life, often get neglected and ignored. It's fine to come home after an enormously busy week like the one I"ve just had, and feel slightly elated at having some time to be mySELF and to be proud and content with everything accomplished this past week.

It's equally fine to come home as I have after other busy weeks and go to bed sobbing out of sheer frustration and over-tiredness. Not every busy week comes with a sense of accomplishment - some are just "shitty weeks" and that is fine too.

Life doesn't stay the same unless you want it to. This shitty week may give rise to some really great weeks down the track so one needn't assume that what couldn't be accomplished this past week defines one as a woman.

Still! It can be tough to get a busy week into perspective. Last Sunday, when I was configuring the outcomes I wanted to achieve for this week, I felt tetchy, irritable, stressed-out and morose. I didn't want to face this week really, it scared me at how full it appeared it would be.

But now I'm here at the other end, it's okay. Yes it has been tough but I survived and made it through because I made good enough choices about things and said "No" whenever I could.

But... it would be nice if someone would just help out with the washing all the same! :)

So to all Husbands, boyfriends, lovers and children...be kind to your weary woman whoever she may be. Don't leave your flotsam for her to pick up, she has enough of that in her life as it is and doesn't really need to have to pick up after you.... but she will

...coz that's what we do.


Roli said...

Mitch, I so know what you are talking about. Tired has moved from being my middle name to being my first name! I miss ME time.

Viv said...

Mitch love your columns.. yes Columns.. to me you should be working for a high end Magazine of sorts..

As for this weeks (and this is my first comment)...the biggest mistake we Women make, is making lists, or setting routines...it makes life boring.. sad really when we know what day it is by NOT looking at the Calendar but by which chore we set to do that day of the week.. the last 5 years or so I decided, chores in the morning and an hour at night.. anything in between is MINE MINE MINE.. the rest can wait for another day.. OH! and windows are done on hazy days.. ;-)

Michelle said...

Awww girls :) So nice of you both to post here.

Roli I totally hear you. You my dear do way more than your share of stuff for others. You have my permission to take a break and have that ME time. Try and have some when you can my dear. You deserve it and need it.

Viv :) I am the quintessential listmaker but I can honestly say I've never had to tell the day of the week by what tasks I had to do. *giggle*. I only really "pretend" to be organised you know... I STRUGGLE to do it easily and smoothly. I hear you on the time for "me" too. I make it a choice to spend a bit of down time doing stuff I love doing. Thing is ...I am somewhat guilty of sacrificing exercise for it *blush* Oh well.... I shall workout tomorrow huh? *grin* Thanks for commenting and I sooooo AGREE on that windows thing! hahahaha!

EM said...

My darling friend, you are a sweetheart to the core, and I guarantee you can say "no" WAY more often than you do.

Stop doing your husband's laundry, for example. And no laundry for any child once he or she reaches the age of 13. If you stop doing it, they'll get angry for a while, and then they'll get used to it.

Same with a lot of other no's. Too often we don't say "no" because everyone's gotten used to a certain way of doing things, and we aren't willing to go through the emotional "crisis" until everyone gets to the other side.

But let's try to keep things in perspective here. It's laundry for heaven's sake. If people are whining about it, ignore them. Life could be way worse than having to do your own laundry.